Purple Hearts are Love

I miss you and all the things that we usually do..

2011-12-05T11:40:00.002+08:00

I miss you and all the things that we usually do..

This applies to people I miss.. Yung mga taong wala na sa buhay ko ngayon. Yung mga taong, kahit alam mong nandyan lang, hindi mo pa din magawang kausapin (or hindi na pwedeng kausapin). Yung mga taong hindi na pwedeng isama sa bagong buhay ko.

Namimiss ko sila. Masakit na wala man lang nageffort na maisama sila sa bagong buhay ko. Siguro ganon nga talaga.

Higit sa lahat, namimiss kita. Alam kong nakamove on ka na. At ako din naman. Pero namimiss pa din kita. Hindi na katulad ng dati, siguro yung friendship nalang. Ingat ka palagi. Mas safe ka kapag malayo ako sayo.

Inexpressibly Train of Thoughts..

2011-10-27T12:59:00.003+08:00

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig, yung may yelo pa, nung nalaman ko ang balita.

Ako: Andyan na ba si dean?

R: Oo, nakausap ko na. Ayaw eh. Ano nang gagawin ko?

Ako: Si sir ba nakausap nyo na?

R: Hindi pa nga. Hahanapin namen.

Ako: Anong sabi ni dean?

R: Madami na daw syang nireject. Ayaw nya na talaga.

....

Nasa biyahe ako nyan, ng biglang sinabi ng bestfriend ko yan. Biglang tumigil ang mundo ko at madaming thoughts ang tumakbo sa utak ko, pero pinakauna dun, paano na sya?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang tamang emosyon na dapat maramdaman. Halo halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko, hindi ko alam kung tama pa ba na maramdaman ko yung iba. Pero yung pinakabottom line, ayoko na hindi sya makaenrol sa law school. Ayoko na hindi sya makasama hanggang maging abogado kami. Ayoko masaktan sya. Ayoko na ma-in dispair sya. Ayoko mawala sya sa sirkulasyon.

Lord, please, make a move. Ikaw nalang po ang last resort nila sa puntong 'to. Lord, please, kayo na po bahala sa kanila. I believe in You. I claim Your victory. Thy will be done!

Loud and Clear!

2011-10-12T03:10:00.000+08:00

"The Lord is what you really need.."

Yesterday, I was trying to look for a place where I can think, mourn (and probably cry), study and just to plainly vent out my frustrations and unexpressed feelings that happened earlier that day. I' gave up and just headed home instead. On my way home, I called my friend that I wasn't waiting for him anymore, I have to go home now, after the call, tears uncontrollably fell. Maybe because I felt alone (because I was really alone that time). I looked miserable, probably, but I don't care. I was finally feeling something, although it was a negative feeling, I'm glad I am reacting the right way because earlier that day, when the complicated thing was happening, I was just smiling like a fool. Anyway, as I was heading home, a girl rode on the jeepney that I was riding. The usual people that gives envelopes and collects for donations for their religious groups/organizations. I flipped the envelope, and there it was! The thing that comforted me and made me pass through the day without commiting any stupidity, set in bold letters, "The Lord is what you really need.."

In the darkest and saddest (exaggeration provided) moment of my life, the Lord never fails to comfort me. This was a reassurance that I am still beautiful, I am loved and that I am His daughter, destined for greater things in life. In that moment, I prayed to God, to change my attitude and how I was seeing the situation at hand. I can not be sad about what happened and maybe break my promise and vent it out to the wrong and unconcerned people.

So instead of mourning and crying, I thought of productive things I would do when I get home. That included things that I want to try to sort of ease the intense emotions I am feeling at that moment, and I thought of drinking by myself. Stupid isn't it? But I wasn't drinking to drown out the emotions. I drank because I wanted to fall asleep fast because I know I would be doing stupid things if I overthink again and it was just 7pm that time and I needed the rest and all other excuses that would apply to this. But I haven't tried drinking Tanduay Ice even though it was out in the market for a while now. I discreetly bought it and drank it while checking some things online, and then I went to sleep.

But then, the effect was short lived, I was awaken at 11pm and just decided to study. I was productive because I was able to make a reviewer for the final leg of our finals. And then, overthinking got the best of me and I texted other people and I thought of making this note.

The phrase that I had read helped me. If I wasn't able to read that, may be all I did was to cry uncontrollably and finally lose my drive to study for the most crucial final examination and maybe do more stupid things that I might regret later on. I'm glad.It might hurt right now but I know I'll be fine eventually. And I know the Lord has better plans for me for all of us. And whatever that is, I'm just praying that the Lord would give me the right attitude to still move forward for now and wait for His great plans to unfold right before me. I'm excited, happy and finally contented..:) Maybe I just need to pray more often, and more specific this time..

*To you, I know you are hurting too. I ask the Lord to grant you a strong heart to still endure waiting for your love. Thank you and I'm still praying for you. I never stopped including you in my prayers ever since I got to know you. Please study harder.. Godbless!

Unforgettable yet untrue..

2011-08-07T11:15:00.001+08:00

It was rare for me to dream these days. I haven't had a single dream for months now. But when I do, I just can'tignore it because it signifies that I am wanting more..

We were in an event. It was like an event for the whole college sponsored by all fraternities/sororities and organizations. It seemed like I was a member of that fraternity already or maybe we are just with them because as always, we were friends with some of them. We were waiting for the brothers to arrive, of course it was me and my closest girl friends who were there. Then the door signaled for the arrival of the brothers so the sisters stood up to greet the them. He was at the back of my professor who is a member of that fraternity too. I turned and walked away and sat at our table earlier. I was surprised when the music changed and he walked up to me and asked for my hand to dance. I accepted it. And then we went to the dance floor, I noticed we were the only ones dancing at the middle of the dance floor. I think I enjoyed dancing although he’s not talking at all. Our bodies communicated to each other and our faces radiated the happiness. It was like I was caught up in the music that when it ended, It was like I was washed by iced-cold water and ran away when he was retrieving the music that we danced into. Like Cinderella, I ran and he followed. But in my dream I was invincible so he wasn’t able to outrun me but in reality, he might have. And then I was lost. I didn’t know that the venue was some sort of a labyrinth. Every room I open was connected to another until I reached the very heart of the labyrinth where the fraternity were staying, I came across a room with someone showering in it. I knew it was him and he is about to come out so I looked for escape but I ran into someone and I ran as fast as I could. Good thing it was the way out. While running, I looked back and saw that he was about to chase me so I hid in a car and covered myself. He reached where I was but I don’t know why he pretended that he was not able to see me. He just uttered the words, ‘Please, wag dyan.’ Then I woke up.

A breather from an all - nighter..

2011-07-09T03:22:00.000+08:00

Vim Ac Potestatem. 'To know the law is not just to know the words of the law, but their force and power.'

It's been a month since I entered the Polytechnic University of the Philippines, College of Law. And so far, I can bravely say that I am still alive and kicking! Haha! Kidding aside, I just wanted to write what I am really feeling about everything that is happening/ had happened to me as I endeavor through the intensive training/review for me to become the finest lawyer that I dreamed and wanted to become in the future.

Law School is what I assumed it to be, tough and hard. During the first week of formal classes, tons of cases are already assigned for us to read (and digest), numerous provisions of different codes are to be read, analyzed and memorized, unexpected humiliation and embarrassment during recitations from scary law professors, daily confinement in the library, enormously thick books to read and understand, you always have to carry it like the whole world is on your back, thus, the need for a heavy-duty, long lasting and considerably huge bags (I' using a backpack now because I don't want carrying a lot of things which right now, I do have), photocopy papers of readings amounting already to a size of the biggest Webster's Dictionary, you can already make a fire with my bag when you just mistakenly drop a lighted matchstick in it, and of course, an extraordinary school life where you meet a lot of great people and be friends with them and also, where you meet annoying, stupid people, who are just there because of the prestige of being an LLB student (well, I'm not sure if I'm one of those.:D). But a midst all these, I LOVE IT! Call me a sadista or what, but I really love what they are doing with us.

I can remember the day that I learned that I have passed the admission examination for this University's College of Law. I felt that I had passed the Bar. My expectations that the examination was hard and incomprehensible were high and I didn't believe I could get in at my first try. But God really intended for me to pursue this so now I stand firm with my belief that in four years time, I will graduate in this degree and will be able to pass the Bar at the first try.

Most of our professors had asked our reasons for choosing to endeavor in such a chaotic, dangerous and not to mention, a very tough profession when we can already make and earn money with the baccalaureate degrees we have already earned. And there I was, always wondering why am I here? What is my reason for pursuing a second degree. Not just a degree, but also the most prestigious profession in the Philippines.

And I often leave that question unanswered. I don't know why. I just wanted to. But always feel the pressure that it's a must that I have an answer to that question whenever it arises.

Why do I want to be a lawyer?

I have always wanted to be a lawyer. Ever since I was a child, I had always wanted to be on the practice of law. But as I grew older, those dreams where gaining so much distance from me. I have never been the best student that I wanted myself to be. And that continued until my collegiate years, taking up something that I loathed (because, hated would be an understatement). Enough of that anyway! Haha!

This dream didn't die in my heart. I already know I am destined for greatness a long time ago and I wasn't doing anything to achieve that greatness but the opportunity to study Law came and I knew, in my heart, this was God's path to greatness for me! And I, without any hesitations, took that opportunity, thus, I am now enrolled at one of the TOP 10 Law Schools.

I love the feeling of superiority. Blame it on the zodiac signs, a Leo always wants to be superior, a lion is the king of the jungle, so my destiny is to be at the top. I a going to do my best, give my all and everything to always become the better lawyer. Because in this life, many will say the same as what I have said, many would be exerting much more effort than what I can give, etc., but I need to always be the better lawyer.

I'm still at my first month. 3 years and 9 months to go for me to still train, read and comprehend all the law what has to say and mean. I have still more than four years to study harder, read faster, comprehend better and to still improve myself year after year.

And you know, I always wanted to be branded as the 'TOPNOTCHER'.

I hate my job..

2011-05-03T18:45:00.001+08:00

Naramdaman mo na ba yung feeling na ayaw mo na, yung gusto mo na sumuko pero hindi mo magawa kasi matagal mong ipinagdasal na makuha yung ganoong bagay? Grabe lang.. Yan ang pakiramdam ko ngayon sa trabaho ko. I know I should be thankful, and yes I am thankful for it, pero talagang ayoko na.

Aside from the fact na maliit ang sahod don, hindi ko lang talaga Makita yung sarili ko na tatagal pa dun. Alam ko na sa simula palang na hindi ito yung pinangarap kong trabaho. Matagal din akong walang trabaho. At alam kong dahil sa hindi pa naman talaga ako seryosong maghanap talaga. At nung natanggap ako sa trabaho ko ngayon, there’s a part of me na nagsasabing, ‘yan lang ba ang kaya mo?’

Nahiya ako, kahit yung mismong job designation ko, ikinahiya ko. Ayoko na talaga sa trabaho ko. Lord, bigyan mo na po ako ng ibang trabaho. Yung trabahong kahit hindi ko gaanong gusto, enough na para tumagal ako. Ang dream job ko naman po talaga ay maging abogado. Gusto ko pong magkaroon ng trabaho na makakatulong sa akin na pag-aralin ang sarili ko, makakatulong kahit paano sa mga magulang ko at sapat na para mahalin ko kahit na hindi ko nay un trabaho kapag abogado na ako.

Lord, bigyan nyo din po ako ng mga mabubuting officemates. Yung mga kaya akong pakisamahan sa ugali ko at yung mga kaya ko din pakisamahan. Lord, bigyan mo din po ako ng boss na mabait. Yung madami po akong matututunan at mamahalin ko din at ituturing kong mentor talaga. Kayo na pong bahala panginoon. Ayoko nap o talaga sa Koop..

Salamat po..

Dear You..

2011-01-19T02:21:00.001+08:00

January 19, 2011
01:36 AM

Dear you,

Noon ko pa iniisip kung dapat na ba kita kausapin. Ano ng una kong dapat sabihin? O kaya, anong pwede kong sabihin para tumingin ka sa kung nasaan man ako. O kaya, para man lang marecognize mo ang presensya ko. Matagal ko na iniisip kung ano talagang dapat ko sabihin sayo. Matagal na din kasi kita gusto kausapin eh. Pero sa tuwing makikita kita, hindi ko magawa. Wala ako masabi. Nanginginig pa nga ako eh. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano bang dapat sabihin o gawin.
I act strong in front of everyone kapag andyan ka. Sabi ko sa kanila, hindi naman ako apektado eh. Pero ang totoo, nakakahiya man sabihin, umiiyak ako kada matatapos ang araw na nakasama kita. Kasi masakit. Oo, strong ako, pero nanliliit ako kapag andyan ka. Ikaw lang ang nakakagawa nun sa akin. Na sa kahit presensya mo palang, ramdam ko na hindi tayo dapat nasa iisang lugar lang. para sa akin, lumiliit ang mundo kapag andyan ka. Tumitigil ang oras kapag napapalingon ako sa gawi mo.
Ang story natin, nakakalungkot, ewan ko kung meron nga ba talagang story. Alam mo kung anong nakakalungkot? Kasi hindi natin (or ako, for that matter) alam kung paano lulugar. At least siguro ako, hindi ko nga talaga alam. Honestly, hindi ko namalayan na ganito na tayo. Malungkot kasi hindi man lang kita naexperience maging kaibigan. Sabi nung iba, mayabang ka, weird ka, wag na kita pagkaabalahan kasi wala ka naming kwenta, wala naman daw ako mapapala sayo. Sinasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko. Sinubukan ko naman eh. Kahit sa sarili ko, hindi ko na maamin na apektado ako sa bawat ginagawa mo kasi nasasaktan ako. Para bang nawawalan ako ng self-esteem at self-worth. Hanggang ngayon kinakaya ko pa din. Pasensya na, baka matagalan, ang hirap lang kasi talaga.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman talaga alam kung bakit ko ginawa ‘tong message na’to. Siguro para lang masabi ko sayo ang hindi ko masabi sayo ng harapan. Pasensya na kung naiinis, naaasar, or nasasaktan man kita in any other way. Gusto ko lang na may sabihin ka. Kahit pa negative yun. Basta magsalita ka. Gusto kong malaman kung dapat pa ba maghintay kahit parang wala naman talaga.

2010-11-11T12:39:00.003+08:00

More than one month to go and it's bye bye 2010. When I read what I have written early this year, I am surprised that I haven't accomplished much of what I have listed from the New Year's resolution that I have planned. Sad, but I think I have to do it again.

Oh well, there's still a month or two before I make another list of resolutions so I better start doing the others that are possible to be done in a month..:)

First..

2010-03-19T02:38:00.002+08:00

First Friend, First Chum..
First Enemy, First Foe..
First Star, First A
All happened in Grade School..

First Crush, First Love..
First Dance, First Kiss..
First Boyfriend, First Heartbreak..
All happened in high school..

First of everything..

Drama.Drama.Drama

2010-03-07T12:53:00.000+08:00

Hindi naman talaga ako madaling magalit. Pero ewan ko ba, nagalit ako talaga ko dun sa nangyari. Pinaramdam sa akin na cheap ako. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung saang parte ako nagagalit. Kung sa reason ba na nalaman kong may girl na sya, dahil nalaman kong wala pala syang gusto sa akin at para akong pinaasa, dahil tinawagan ako ng girlfriend nya o dahil nagmukha akong patay na patay sa kanya.
Naiinis ako. Inis na inis. Sa sobrang inis ko, gusto ko syang murahin at sampalin. Pero hindi ko naman magagawa yun dahil hindi yun ang style ko. Sa unang pagkakataon, nagmukha akong mababa. Sa unang pagkakataon, nahusgahan ako ng hindi ako kinikilala ng lubusan. Nakakainis dahil hinayaan nyang mangyari sa akin yun. First time ko magkacrush ng hindi ko alam ang pinagmulan, ganito pa ang nangyari.
Actually, may mali din naman ako. Kasi tinetext ko sya, at nawrong send pa ko sa kanya. Bading naman talaga ang tingin ng mga kaojt ko sa kanya. Ako na nga lang yung nagtatanggol na hindi sya bading eh, tapos ganito pa.
Gusto ko sya kausapin, madali naman mawala ang init ng ulo ko eh. Lalo na kapag mababaw lang ang dahilan. Tsaka ayoko ng kaaway. Ayoko ng feeling of uneasiness. Lalo na at empleyado pa sya sa pinag-oojthan ko. Gusto ko nalang syang kausapin, o baka ako pa yung maunang magsorry. Baka gawin ko yun bago ako umalis ng SMITS.
Bothered ako. Gusto ko pa din kasi sya. Badtrip no? Gusto din ako ng mga Goldmar para sa kanya. Boto sa love team namin kumbaga. Miss ko na makipagbiruan sa kanya. Gusto ko lang naman sya maging kaibigan kasi wala din naman kung itutulak ko yung nararamdaman ko eh pagtapos ng ojt, himala nalang kung magkita kami ulit.
Bahala na siguro, basta kelangan ko makipagayos sa kanya. Sa lalong madaling panahon.

Monday Madness..

2010-01-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

My day was sort of idle and tiring. I woke up at 6:00 am and served my dad “sopas” for his breakfast and cereals for me. I took my morning walk at 6:45 am, and i noticed that my right side of the stomach was aching but I continued walking. I walked for 30 minutes and came back to see my sister already up to prepare for her school.

I sat and ate a slice of bread with liver spread and contemplated on whether to drink coffee or not. I made coffee in my tumbler while still contemplating if I should drink it. In the end, I threw it in the sink and resorted to drinking water instead because it is one of my resolutions for this year.

I surfed the internet for half an hour and gave up when I felt my eyes where shutting down so I went to my room and slept for 3 hours. I woke up again at 1pm feeling hungry, so I ate my lunch and later prepared for my 6pm class. This took me about 2 hours to finish all of this. at 3:45, I went to school by jeep and thought that it would help me if I would walk again from stop and shop to PUP, and so I did. I arrived at the school seeing some of my classmates were already there.

The classes were boring because it’s the first day of the resume of classes. Luckily, the professors dismissed us early. So at 8:30pm, I’m already on my way home. Before riding the tricycle, I bought some ponkans to serve at dinner *my dinner actually*. And while on the tricycle,I thought again of walking from Pag-asa st to our house which I don’t usually do. So I went off the tricycle and started walking. Before going home, I stopped at a nearby store to load up my cellphone which is nearing its credit limit.

I arrived home seeing dad and mom on the living room and my sister on the mezzanine which I passed by first before going to the living room. Dad asked me about my health condition. And I said, I’m so tired *because I walked*. I’m palpitating yet I didn’t say a thing about it because I don’t want them to worry.

Mom says, she’s going to get me checked up tomorrow. Weird, because I am wishing that I do really have a heart ailment but on another thought, that would be hard not only for me but also for them.

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Sunday Love..<3

2010-01-03T14:26:00.000+08:00

It’s sunday. I tried my best to wake up early so I can accomplish things that I planned to do today. I wasn’t able to do 4 rounds of walking because my whole bdy is sore from the past days that I’ve been exercising and walking. But I did wake up at 5:00 in the morning but went back to sleeping ‘cause everybody’s still asleep.

I woke up at 8:30 to find momand dad in the living room. I prepared my necessities for the mass and went to take my bath and head off to the church. It didn’t go as I planned because I wasn’t able to go to Valle Verde country club for THE FEAST but I heard mass at the STA. CLARA DE MONTEFALCO.

After the mass, I went to National Book Store to buy “Para kay B” and a Planner so I can’t start writing on fresh paper. I end up buying three (3) book including TWISTED 8 1/2 by JESSICA ZAFRA, SHANGHAI NIGHTS and an inspirational book *forgot the title*.. I also bought 2 STABILO pens, a PILOT ballpoint pen, and a brown planner *that I liked because it has a single page for every date*.

The day went on having nothing to do so I just surfed the internet and I didn’t notice that the time flies so fast. My mom and sister went to mass, papa went to visit kuya and I was left alone in the house and was suppose to follow mom and my sister to the supermarket. Luckily, there where plates to wash in the sink so there was something to do while waiting for them to finish hearing mass and papa to come home.

I went to the supermarket at 5:30 and coincidentally saw Diane and her sister Trisha, and there 2 younger brothers Dave and Mark. Mom said they saw the two eating ice cream on their way home *their house is just few blocks away from the supermarket*.

We bought some food to stock in the house plus my separate diet food. When we were in the counter, I saw Enrik and Kuya EJ. I thought they weren’t able to see me but when were going home, Kuya EJ was at the exits and saw me. So I greeted him and introduced him to my mom.

My mom asked who he was when were outside the supermarket, not faraway from kuya EJ yet, and I bet he was able to see me murmuring something t my mom or maybe he heard it also.

I feel so embarassed about this incident. I really don’t know how to explain to mom about the split. I don’t think she would understand if I would go into details because she’s not in the community so I just said, “sila yung nasa kabila.”, but this is not the right thing to say.

Oh well, the day went on so well and I can’t feel the monday pressure everyone is feeling right now because I don’t have monday morning classes. My classes starts at 6pm and I haven’t started OJT yet, maybe on tuesday.

I wish I could start on tuesday so I won’t be frantic when the submission for manuals are on.

I want to thank God for giving me such a wonderful day..:)

2nd day of 2010..

2010-01-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

I’m such a loser, I slept all day after I finished my daily 4 rounds of walking at the EVERGREEN MEMORIAL+ VISIT TO KUYA (which I plege from now on to be daily too..) so I forgot to buy a journal which would contain my daily activities and rants and joys and sorrow and all. HAHA!

I had time, but the real reason why I wasn’t able to go out and buy is that my whole body is in pain. I can’t move from the bed I was lying on. But at 3pm, I tried my VERY best to stand up’cause I remembered I haven’t bathed yet and haven’t eaten any food nor drank anything aside from the two glasses of water intake I impose to drink every morning this year.

I managed to crawl out of bed and stand up and walk slowly to the living room, careful not to knock any piece of furniture around the house since I was a bit dizzy because I came from a deep sleep.

I noticed that I was feeling better everytime I walk so I walked a little around our house to lessen my body pain. After that, I bathed with warm water to calm my tensioned body.

That was what I did for the day. So boring still. I haven’t started the bible yet, I promise, I’ll find time.

First day of the year Randomness..

2010-01-01T22:00:00.001+08:00

My first day of 2010 is so random. Since there’s no classes yet, I get to do the most random things that I’ come up with.

1.I woke up at 5am and checked my email, fb, plurk, tumblr and multiply..
2.Took 4 rounds of walking at Evergreen Memorial and visited my brother there.
3.Exercised for a while at the house to sweat the calories off.
4.Drank my morning coffee and ate my morning banana. *HAHA!*
5.Took a bath.
6.Taught mama about facebook-ing.
7.Slept for 3 hours.
8.Worked on the BUSHFIRE
9.Ate late lunch with family, ate *sapsap*.
10.Watched Precious Hearts Romances and Katorse.
11.Continue working on BUSHFIRE and surfed for some Central B group pictures.
12.Washed the plates.
13.Blogged.
14.Will watch PBB.
15. Sleep.

So random. I’d start reading genesis tomorrow. PROMISE!

Randomness for the first day of the year..

2010-01-01T20:48:00.002+08:00

My first day of 2010 is so random. Since there's no classes yet, I get to do the most random things that I' come up with.

1.I woke up at 5am and checked my email, fb, plurk, tumblr and multiply..
2.Took 4 rounds of walking at Evergreen Memorial and visited my brother there.
3.Exercised for a while at the house to sweat the calories off.
4.Drank my morning coffee and ate my morning banana. *HAHA!*
5.Took a bath.
6.Taught mama about facebook-ing.
7.Slept for 3 hours.
8.Worked on the BUSHFIRE
9.Ate late lunch with family, ate *sapsap*.
10.Watched Precious Hearts Romances and Katorse.
11.Continue working on BUSHFIRE and surfed for some Central B group pictures.
12.Washed the plates.
13.Blogged.
14.Will watch PBB.
15. Sleep.

So random. I'd start reading genesis tomorrow. PROMISE!

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONSssss..

2010-01-01T01:17:00.001+08:00

As I was waiting for the pizza I ordered (which will arrive at 4:11 but arrived at exactly 4:00), I had nothing to do so I got my pen and sticky notepad and scribbled down some of the things I thought would be good new year’s resolutions..:)

Here they are:

1. Raise TUMBLARITY and KARMA.:P

-Haha! This one’s weird because it’s so random and IT”S NOT GOOD *i think*, but I really want to start blogging again and tumblr’s kinda fun as well as plurk… and twitter by the way.. I still would update my facebook though..;)

2. Healthy Living (GO GREEN! And NO to SWEETS!)

-I seriously would want to lose weight and shape up. I’ve been asking friends about GYM fees and all but I think I can get away with diet and exercise. I’m not that fat, i think..

3. NO OTHER DAY BUT TODAY!

-I’ve been procrastinating every time there are works or projects that I have to finish so starting January 1, 2010. I’ll start this policy.:) *fingers crossed*

4. LOVE LIKE NO OTHER..

-I want my love for others to strengthen. Loving like no other. Loving until it hurts no more. Loving even there’s no reason.

ALL WE NEED IS MORE and MORE LOVE!!

Haappy New Year!!! Godbless Us! Welcome 2010!:D

MY 2010 BUCKET LIIST..

2010-01-01T01:15:00.001+08:00

Last year, we were asked by our household head to write down things that we want to accomplish for this year, be it long or short term. I think I wasn’t serious on those things that I wrote and those weren’t attainable yet as of the time being. So this year, I came up with ten (10) items on my bucket list that I’ll surely do religiously.

1. Learn a sport. * I’m not the sporty type ever since that’s why my body (stamina, endurance and physical strength) isn’t strong. So for this year, I’ll do my VERY best to learn a sport even if i’d be injured, at least i tried to learn a sport and overcome my fear of physical pain.*

2. Learn at least one (1) foreign language. *I’ve been itching to study mandarin,spanish and french since high school. Maybe, now that I will have a year before entering Law School, I’d be studying those languages.*

3. Learn a musical instrument. *I want to learn how to play the piano and guitar. Practice takes time but I think, I would manage to learn at least one of those instruments before the year ends again.*

4. Learn at least one (1) cooking recipe. *I don’t love cooking but I can cook at least the basic. I want to learn how to cook and probably, love it soon.*

5. Finish a good book within a month. *I so, so, so, love reading and it pains me now that I haven’t really finished any book this year. I would, religiously, buy and read and FINISH a good book every month. I’ll use my spare time to read it. There are things in life that you’d still learn by reading the book.*

6. Learn something for YCOM (or whatever my service will be). *I’ve been dying to learn ADOBE PREMIERE and AFTER EFFECTS but I can’t seem to get it on my own so I’ve asked help from Kuya Lucky and He said yes.. The only problem now is finding time to learn it. I would definitely find some time to study it for the love of God and my service. I would also study about lights and photography.*

7. Save 1000 on my allowance every month. *I noticed I’ve been spending much on food and other stuff last year so this year I would spend wisely and invest on more important things other than food and nonsense things, anyway, i would be on a strict diet this year, so less spending on food and more to saving.

8. Do a 365-day journal/diary/record of daily and special events of my life. *I want to take note of the best things that happen to me everyday and see God’s message for me. I still prefer to write it down on fresh paper so I could treasure it even technology isn’t available on places I would go.*

9. Finish a book in the BIBLE every month. *I realized that I have been neglecting the BIBLE. I wasn’t reading it for many months now. Before, I thought that I wasn’t reading it because I don’t have a personal BIBLE. But now that i have one, I’ve been neglecting it. This year, I would surely, definitely and religiously read it. I’ve been wanting to meet my Christ and by reading the scripture, surely I would see things that I thought I have known for a long time about him.*

10. lose one (1) kg. every month, 1 kg for this year. *This time I will be serious on losing some weight. I noticed that I’ve been gradually losing body coordination and have been easily inflicted by sickness because of my weight and weakness. I decided to be a vegetarian this year and only fish meat is allowed to be considered the source of protein. I seriously would like to lose weight before graduation comes so I would look good on whatever I’ll wear.*

*I would also do some fasting alongside my bucket list..:)

This things would be a torture to me at times because this is going against what I have been doing for the past year, but doing this would also be a lot of help for me and for the people around me also. I pray to the Lord that I’d be able to do this and never break any of it until the next year comes.

My Biggest Fear

2009-12-28T19:45:00.000+08:00

I have a big faith in the Lord. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and that the Lord has planned everything even before we set foot on this planet. But an aspect of my life hinders me now to fully believe in that belief that I held on for so many years.

My brother died more than a year ago because of rheumatic heart disease and typhoid fever. Since then, my parents became extra protective of us, their remaining children. They became extra caring to us. But I can feel the detachment they are making to not allow their hearts to be so close to us. As parents, I know that they love us dearly, but because of what had happened to my brother, the trauma left them loving us, their remaining children,in a distance.

Lately, I’ve been sickly and accident prone. I don’t know why. But week after week, I would always have an ailment, an accident and would be down at the sick bed for weeks. My body is weakening and I am feeling a writhing pain occasionally and would fell unconscious without me knowing it. It felt like half of my body is burning,, like big needles where piercing through my right half of the body.

My mom once told me out of the blue, “Ayoko nang mawalan ng isa pang anak.” This statement shocked me. How can I tell her that I am in pain? How can I tell her that I am suffering? Things could have been easier if my mom didnt say that because probably now, I am complaining to them. I am probably telling them now to come home and attend to my needs because I am writhing in pain, alone in this house, with no one else to cry unto.

My biggest fear now is death. I’ve fearing death ever since my brother died. I wasn’t afraid of it before for I know everybody will eventually die.

I fear death not because I am not ready of the consequences it will bring to the people I will leave, not because I don’t see myself lying on the death bed, not because I don’t believe in heaven. I fear death because of my parents.

I saw my brother dying with my own two eyes. I saw my parents broke down when it happened. I saw everything happening before my own two eyes and I can’t do anything about it while it was happening. I was just standing there, like watching a nightmare unfold before my eyes.

I was so afraid. I am still afraid until now. I don’t know how I managed to stand still that night. I don’t know how I managed to stay this sane up to this very moment after a year when that devastating night happened.

I wasn’t allowed to breakdown and cry before because I had to be strong. I had to endure everything. Every tear that I want to shed for my brother, I kept it all inside me so no one can see my heart breaking. I had to be strong for everyone, for my mother who’s in the verge of insanity because her only dear and beloved son has died at a young age, for my sister, who’s very close to my brother, he was her favourite person, and for my father, who can’t show his tears like me because he had to be strong for the family to.

Web Directories are Great!

2009-12-25T12:11:00.002+08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was very disappointed to see my Page Rank slid to zero (0). It was two (2) then. Well, I got really addicted to blogging that's why my blog's rank really is a big deal for me. Hence, with all the efforts I've done, I don't want to waste any moment and be idle. I badly want my PR back, or even higher :D. Luckily, I got to know a web directory site and Max directory where I can submit my blog and be featured as their blog of the day. Yes, that easy. What's great here is that the blogs are chosen randomly to be featured. So, statistically speaking, your blog is of equal chance to be featured. *wink wink* And my PR's back. Sooner, I'm confident that my PR would raise, in time :D

Oh by the way, you can also try submitting your blogs in DMOZ and Yahoo Directories> I'm sure we will both benefit from it because there would be tons of visitors in our blog!

My Christmas wishes..

2009-12-13T15:42:00.002+08:00

I'm not fond of making wish lists.. Because I don't believe in them.. Once, when I was young, I made one and that's the end of it.. I didn't make any wish list anymore.. I do make wishes but I don't have faith in them. It's just a mere expression of what I want to receive or happen but it doesn't mean that I believe it will happen,if it comes true, okay, if it doesn't, it's also okay..

But now, I have something I really wanted. I want itt so badly that I need to write it down and wish (and PRAY!) that Santa might read it and tell Jesus to grant me the wish..

I have two big wishes for this Christmas..

1.) Please Let me Graduate this May 2010.

2.) Please Let me have my chance on love.

I know the first is reasonable enough for God to grant my wish. Call me pathetic and desperate, but I still want the second to come true. I do want to fall in love, again, madly, deeply, that I can and don't wanna let go. i want a love that will last forever. This time, the love I'm asking God is what I really want for my future. I want to fall in love and also be loved too. I want to feel loved like I am the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I want to feel God's love through a man the Lord God has destined for me.

Lord, I am not asking much. All I want for Christmas is this two wishes. I am yours and yours alone and I have no complaint on that. Just this two wishes for this Christmas, please Lord.

Mahal ko pa din sya.. pero ngayon, iba na..

2009-12-01T02:28:00.003+08:00

Minsan, inakala ko na okay na ko. Akala ko, itong nararamdaman ko, humantong na sa hangganan. Akala ko hindi ko na kaya magmahal. Akala handa na ko sa bagong simula. PEro hindi pa pala.

Nang makita ko sya, mas lalo ko lang napatunayan na isang malaking kalokohan ang ginagawa ko sa sarili ko. Mas lalo ko lang nalaman na hindi naman pala basta basta mawawala ang nararamdaman mo kapag sinabi mong gusto mong magmove on kasi likod palang, maiiyak ka na kasi sobra mo pala syang pinapangarap.

May kaibigang nagsabi sa akin, "tumigil ka na, wag na sya, wag mo na sya pangarapin, wag mo na sya pagpantasyahan."

Gusto ko sana. Pinilit ko naman eh. Ginusto ko naman. Pero wala pa din nangyari. Iba talaga kapag sya lang ang nakikita ng mga mata mo kahit hindi mo naman literal na nakikita sya.

Ayoko sabihing pangarap ko lang sya. Hindi ko sya pinangarap. Kung may choice lang ako, titigil naman talaga ako. Eh anong magagawa ko, nagmamahal ako.. At ang masaklap, hindi nya kayang ibalik ang mga nararamdaman ko.

Ngunit kahit ganun, masaya ang pagmamahal ko. Dahil nagmamahal ako. Wala mang kapalit, okay lang. Kasi hindi ko naman sya pangarap.

Mahal ko sya. Mahal ko pa din sya. Sa kabila ng mga nagdaang panahon, mahal ko pa din sya. Pero ngayon, iba na.

Hanggang dun lang..

2009-11-27T03:51:00.002+08:00

"Hanggang tingin lang naman ako sa kanya, bawal lumapit, lalong bawal humawak. Bawal kumapit at bawal umasa." habang nagcecelebrate kami ng mga kaibigan ko kanina sa isang tambayan malapit sa skul, nakita ko sya, sobrang lapit lang, pero hindi ko pwedeng abutin. Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na hindi ka na makapagpigil at nararamdaman mong bumabaon din ang paningin nya sa'yo, na sa bawat paglingon mo sa direksyon nya, huling huli mo ang mabilis nyang paglingon din nya.

Lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat ng kasama ko na andun ka. Na sa tuwing tatama ang mata ko sa kabuuan mo, may kumukurot sa puso ko, sa bawat lingunan natin pakiramdam ko ay may pangungulila. At ang pinakamasakit, nakikita kong malungkot ang iyong mga mata. Wari bang ipinahihiwatig mong hindi ka naman talaga masaya.

Alam kong hindi ka masaya. Nasasaktan akong makitang malungkot ka. Hindi kita mahawakan. Maalalayan man lang. Hindi pwede. Bawal. Hanggang tingin lang ako. Sana mabasa mo ang mensahe sa mga mata ko. Andito lang naman ako, hinihintay ang bawat sabog ng damdamin mo, bilang KAIBIGAN. Oo. Bilang kaibigan lang.

Pagod at Pahinga..

2009-11-09T01:42:00.000+08:00

PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO.PAGOD AKO.PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO.

PAGOD AKO!!!

Kakatapos lang ng sectorcon tapos metrocon na naman ang aatupagin. Napapagod na ko. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung gusto ko pa tong ginagawa ko. Hindi ko na alam kung masaya pa ko o kung ginagawa ko lang 'to dahil kelangan, dahil sabi ng ibang tao. Hindi ko na ata nakikita ang Diyos dito. Parang ayoko na magPROD. Pero wala naman akong magagawa kasi YCOM ako.. At saka ito ang programa ko. Eto naman talaga yung service ko. It's what I do to please and glorify God. Dito ko mapapakita na mahal ko Sya.

Sana nasasabi ko lang 'to kasi pagod ako at hindi dahil hindi na ko natutuwa sa mga ginagawa ko.

*Sinulat ko 'to mga ganitong panahon din nung nakaraang taon. Nahagilap ko lang sa mga credentials ko kasabay ng nakita ko ang nakakaloka kong dalawang grade sa isang subject. Anyway, sa pagbabasa ko nito, nainis ako sa taong nagsulat nito nung nakaraang taon, nainis ako sa dating ako. Puro reklamo, puro kapaguran nalang nya yung inaatupag, puro yung kasiyahan nalang nya yung iniisip. Hmm.. Narealize ko na nakakainis pala ako dati (at least ako nainis sa sarili ko at hindi ang ibang tao). Hindi ko alam kung nagbago ako ngaung taon na 'to eh. Alam ko puro pa din talaga k reklamo. Madami pa din akong inis, madami pa din akong tanong, pero sana may nagbago. Napapagod pa din ako, pero sa pagkakataong 'to, marunong na ko magpahinga sa panahong kinakailangan ng pahinga para hindi umabot sa exhaustion. Para hindi umabot sa sasabog na yung galit ko o yung damdamin ko..Sana sa pagkakataong 'to, naggrow na ko..

Best Friend..

2009-11-02T03:34:00.004+08:00

I was browsing through my batchmates in high school's recent photos and I can't help but to think about them..

I wonder how are they doing with their lives.. I don't have news about them for the past years ever since we entered college. Even my closest batch mate since grade school, Kathlene Rapadas, I don't have any definite news about her even though our moms are best friends.

I can't help but reminisce about high school.. Many years has passed.. So many events have occurred and many things should have changed amongst us. I wonder what it is that changed in them.

Yesterday, I chatted with my best friend in high school, Brian Soliven. I'm happy with the change that he showed me. He's so talkative now unlike before. He's open to talk about all things in his life that I need not ask questions just to keep the conversation going. I so miss him. He even encouraged me to get a boyfriend so my christmas won't be lonely, haha, what a friend..:) One of these days, I'll ask him to meet up with me. I so miss him. Only that, he's happy now with his 3-years girlfriend. You see, I loved him before, in high school. I don't love him anymore in a romantic way but sure there is always love in my heart for him as a friend because I was able to see the real him before he changed into a better person know. I loved him before, surely I'll love him more now that his better. I want to be friends again with him. Best friends again, if he'll allow..

Gold's not old

2009-11-01T21:33:00.003+08:00

Gold, in my own perspective, is the most precious element of all time. Therefore, once you sell gold or a gold coin, that would really be expensive. For women, when they are given a gold by a man, it's really a great thing and it would really make them flash a big smile on their face.

Do you have any idea where to buy gold or gold coins? In your place, you can visit the nearest pawnshop. But do you know where to buy gold and gold coins online? You can buy gold coins online at goldcoinsagain.com. You can even sell a gold bullion. If you're a gold coins collector, this is the right and best website for you. You can buy affordable gold coins that you've been waiting for a long time.

It's better to buy gold coins online because you can just stay relaxed while shopping for it. You can also avoid the crowd that's waiting for you at the mall which can lead to a stressful day. So what are you waiting for? Visit this website and know what's in store for you.

Decision Making

2009-10-28T23:10:00.002+08:00

Making a decision isn't easy, especially when you are dealing about things that are both good for your future.

As of the moment, I am dealing with my decision on staying in Central B as a sector YCOM head. I am thinking that I can no longer stay because in my heart I am not passionate anymore. Also because I feel that I am doing things just for the hang of it. I am doing things as if it's a job and not a thing that I love doing. And most of all, I feel that I can no longer see the point of staying anymore.

On the contrary, I still feel that I have to stay because I have to finish my term this year. Also because, I feel that I still need to train Luis to stand up as the YCOM head. I also feel that I have to build relationship with my YCOM crew.

Honestly, I want to choose not to stay anymore because this will benefit a lot of people around me. And I find peace when I think about it. But still, questions are being raised, and reasons to stay are still showing.

I don't know. Maybe I still have to prayand think more about it..

Romantic Love can Wait..

2009-10-04T01:00:00.002+08:00

Awhile ago, I was talking with a close college classmate through text. I asked him if I was able to say or talk about something about not wanting to have a love life or a relationship. And he said, I haven't mentioned anything to him about that in any of our conversations before..

Before that, I was racking my brain about it. Because I am wondering why Diane pointed me during the Metrocon Production Meeting last Thursday when we were talking about the sharer which would share about prioritizing academics over lovelife, not having a love life while studying that is.

As I remember, I am not against relationships, I also want to have a boyfriend, a husband and a family someday. But my parents say that I have to prioritize my studies first. It's not that I can't handle both. But there's a policy in our house so I have to abide it.

Talking about it, looking back, the many things I've done are because my parents say so or they would never allow me to do it, or I was thinking about their reputation. Filial, aren't I?

Another is because, I grew in a community that surrounds me with sibling love and also, my family gave me the love that I needed to suffice until I need to yearn for the other half of my life.

I don't know if I really have fallen in love before but I'm sure I've never been unloved before.

Romantic Love can wait..

Blessed Week..

2009-10-03T04:05:00.003+08:00

While I was rummaging through my blog awhile ago when unexpectedly, I saw someone commented on my previous post. Not that I hated it, but it was just unexpected because no one knows that I have a blog, that I am aware of. It is well kept, as I would put it.. and the weird part is, I don't know who it was..

And so I clicked his name and was directed to her/his (confused with the gender) blog and read it. After reading it, somehow, I felt like he's/she's blogging about her/his daily life. Of course he would because it's his/her own blog but what I mean is that, he/she blogs because he/she wants to create a story of his/her life. *am I making any sense here?*

Okay, let's put it this way. I for one, blogs because I want to vent out my emotions in this blog. But the thing is, I blog when I have extreme emotions. I only blog when I feel like blogging. But this blogger that I encountered does it on a daily basis.

Maybe there are also bloggers who blogs about their daily lives. I commend them for that. I am a writer at heart. The problem is, I am lazy to do it.I feel like I lack the drive, the passion. and so reading this person's blog made me realize how much time I am wasting because of laziness..

Anyway, moving on.. I want to blog about my week. I feel that it has been a blessed week for me and my family. I'll start from Friday (September 25, 2009)

Friday. I was at home, and I have been using the computer since the moment I woke up until 5 am the next day.I was so into my computer that I didn't notice that the rain was pouring hard outside. Although I can hear the rain drops trickling on the roof and on the streets, still I didn't pay any attention to it. I've been asking my mama why papa is today. Normally, he'll be home by 9pm already because we watch the Prime Time shows as a way to kill time and that also sinals me to stand up and turn off the computer for awhile but that day, he's late. I think he arrived at 11 pm that night. Funny, because I wasn't aware that there's already a typhoon. I even forgot that I wanted to read the Daily Paper since last week and do that on a daily basis. At 5 am, I slept.

Saturday. I woke up to the noise my mama was making. And everybody in the house *i think* was restless. I got annoyed so I shouted at them. I fall asleep again but a moment later, I've been awaken by my mama shouting," gumising ka na, malulunod ka na jan!" And so I tried to get up and check what my mama was blabbering about only to feel a wet and cold feeling at my feet when I was looking for my slippers. So it was true, the water is already rising. For almost 10 years, our house, since it is reconstructed,haven't experienced a flood inside the house. Ours was higher than the streets even though we don't have a second floor so we were shocked that the water has flooded the inside of our house. Anyway, on the bright side, my 2-year old niece experienced walking on the flood. She thought we already have an indoor kiddie pool. Good thing the water isn't dirty *muddy in that sense* so we were able to play for a while. It was fun because we haven't done that in years.

Maybe I really woke up that early *I usually wake up at around 1-2pm*, so the rest of the day was boring. I wasn't able to text, because there's no signal for globe, no electricity so I can't watch tv or use the computer.. Being a family of silent people, it was hard for us to sit in one place and face each other. We usually do our own stuff so we won't be able to talk to each other often. I, for one, isn't a fan of noise or speaking much. I'd mostly appreciate it if you would stay silent beside me. This is the reason why I spend most of my time reading books, writing journals, texting friends or staying late at night in front of the computer.

Going back, I slept at the sofa that night. And damn it, because mosquitoes are zooming around me and biting me. I can't sleep well. Whenever I move, I'll get awaken because there's not enough space to move into *I might fall*.

Sunday. Since I slept at the sofa, my back was extremely aching *I have scoliosis,by the way*. I saw that everybody is up now so I went into my room *that was slept on by my sister and sister-in-law last night* to continue my sleep. I noticed that the flood outside has already subsided leaving slippery mud all over the streets. Papa wasn't allowing anyone of us to go out because he said, the parts of our street was still flooded and there are parts of the city that are still extremely flooded. I wasn't planning on going out so I just slept, maybe till 4pm?

The electricity came back around 5-6pm that day and I was able to go back to the silent me. but then again, classes were suspended the whole week so it's going to be a whole week for me and my family to face each other.

Monday-Wednesday.My day was routinized. I'll wake up at 1pm (latest), then eat, then watch tv, then use the laptop till morning and sleep again. And in between those things, I'll be pigging out the whole day. I won't have to worry about the house chores because fortunately, my sister-in-law hired a helper for the house. It's just embarrassing because the helper is barely 16 years old. Her name is Ana Mae and she's from Baras, Rizal. She's my sister-in-law's 3rd cousin saying that her Lola and my sister-in-law's Lolo were siblings. Again, I can't do anything but to help her with little things and talk to her once in a while. Making friends, I say. She's young yet she's working already for her family. Making friends with her and making her feel like a part of the family since she's a way from her family, that's the least thing I can do.

Thursday.A Metrocon production meeting is scheduled today so I headed at the center an hour after I woke up. I arrived at 2:15 pm and the first person I saw was Djo Ongtangco and seeing her, I felt relieved because I was worried with my friends living at the east area. The news says that the east part was very much affected by the typhoon Ondoy. I saw other yfc friends there and I thanked God that they are safe as well. The meeting was help at the Greenwich at Robinsons Galleria. It was fun. This is the first time that I have a meeting with them after the YCOM Training last summer. I didn't manage to attend the meetings for the preparation of the YCOM ACADEMY and the academy itself because I was very much busy with my classes and projects. And having a night-shift, for days a week class won't permit me to join them. The schedule was a conflict. I am happy that I get to see most of them now. especially the people that I love to work with. I am appointed as Visual Director and I am totally dumbfounded now because even though I know what are the things to do, I can't do it or I don't know how to do it. I am worried that I won't be able to do it well. and this is the freaking Metrocon! This is the 2nd largest event in the community here in the Philippines, next to ILC of course. If I manage to pull this up, I'll make it as the VD again this ILC. Another is that, Glen Lopez is the technical director and for God sake, Glen Lopez is YCOM! *and an old crush,that is*Maybe that is why ate Dana put me there. Anyway, I just hope that I'll manage to pull this off..

Anyway, the attendees were Djo Ongtangco, Glen Lopez, Lucky Dela Rosa, Dana Flores, Diane Famatigan, Jamo Tolentino, Benjo Magnaye *people that I love working with*. I've been working with them since ILC Tagaytay 2008 and there were also other people who are new to YCOM, Cy Dulaca, Luis Enriquez *partner*, Gerald Manapsal, Levin *west a, Jasmin Santos and her crew and also the other FTW that are working with us in the Programs Committee..

We were making fun of Cy Dulaca because he's been assigned for the Documentations. That was my all time designation and I told ate Dana Flores to spare me now of working at this designation so she put me on a more challenging work, VD. Anyway, Cy can't figure out what to do. I tried explaining but Djo and the others were blabbering other things and discouraging him with his assigned work. Well, goodluck to him. Any, I'll be helping him if he needs help.

After the meeting, we went back to the CFC center to accompany Diane Famatigan in getting her ID. She surrendered it earlier and forgot to get it back when we went to Galleria.I was with the east people *Djo, Luis, Diane and Cy, because I will be joining them in the bus going home later. Diane is heading to Paranaque because her family is staying there. Luis and I are central people but needs to pass the east are before we arrive at our own area.Cy, Djo, Diane, Luis and I went to 7/11 to buy drinks and food. It was a fun night *day* for all of us, if not, at least for me.

We rode a bus going to Cainta. Cy and Djo are getting off at Junction while Luis and I are getting off at Rosario.The Trip heading home was long so while sitting beside Djo, and Cy and Luis was on the seats beside us *were along the aisle*, we had our own conversations with our seatmates. Djo and I reminisced our first experiences in YCOM. While I overheard Luis and Cy, gossiping about each others' household mates.. haha.. Boys are really gossipers.. haha..

When I arrived home, Papa went home with a gallon of ice cream. We ate it like peanuts because in 30 minutes, the whole bucket was empty.

Friday. Nothing much has happened and this day was just like my monday to wednesday. Everything was routinized only that I don't get to use the damn computer because it broke down, I don't know why. My sister is using the laptop and won't lend it to me because she is freaking playing Plants vs Zombies. Duh?! It's not a valid reason. I don't get to use it until 11 pm. Everybody stops at 8pm because we'll be watching the Prime Time Bida. After Dahil May isang Ikaw, we'll scram off again to our businesses.. I was just happy that there are stocked food the whole week. I think I gained weight because I've been pigging out every night since the typhoon came.

I feel really blessed this week. I manage to spend each day with my family and friends. I'm blessed with the realization that I am more lucky than other people who became victims of this typhoon. I thank God that I still have a family to face everyday while others' family members are still missing and others are still out inn the flooded areas. I am very grateful for everything.

Regrets and Resentment..

2009-09-30T01:26:00.003+08:00

Have you experienced the feeling of looking back all through those years that you've been through and then nonchalantly say, "I'm not satisfied at all.."

I can clearly remember that day, when I was about to enroll in the University that I strongly fought my parents to allow me to attend to.. It was, after all, one of the most prestigious universities in the country. Needless to say, with also the cheapest tuition fee in the world..

I was so determined to get into their Broadcast Communication program ever since I decided to enroll into it but damn FATE, yes, FATE, it has another plan for me. I won't go over the details as I remember I have blogged about it months ago.

I am very regretful that I wasn't so strong. I wasn't strong in the sense that I claim to be as one. I could have followed my heart and be happy with what I want and I could have been happier now. I'm feeling resentment whenever I ask what if I took the course, I could've been great, I could've made many friends, I could've been physically and emotionally well, I could've been happy and I wouldn't be worrying about my future now. I maybe taking the LAE now because I planned everything since day 1. I have figured out what I wanted to do in my life if only I get to do it as I planned. I maybe on my way to Law School by this June if I held on firm to my dreams..

I am regretful, resentment is taking over me, and I haven't stopped from asking the countless of what-ifs in my mind. I can't help it. Even though there are people telling me, "God has a greater plan", "It's not yet too late", and "You can still make the most of what you've got", I am not satisfied, I am not taking those words because in my heart, I already know what I want, I already know what would make me happy.

Eight years has passed since I started to lose my confidence.. Eight years since I started to drift away from people, Eight long years.. When I look back, I'm not happy with who I am today and that includes every bit of me.

I hate myself from asking these questions that would only deepen the hatred, sadness, frustrations and guilt in my heart but I just can't help it. This concerns my future and I'd be always living in a life full of regrets because once in my life, I let the opportunity of being happy pass.

I'm graduating this May 2010 and I pray that I would really be graduating. I want to be out of this course. I want to be out of this system that I know I didn't fit in since day one. I want to breakfree. I want to be strong again, and this time, for myself..

I would be going to Law School after I pass the LAE next September 2010 (that's the end goal of my plan before).. And maybe, just maybe, my happiness would start there..

Fail!

2009-09-17T22:23:00.003+08:00

I'm running out of ideas. The fasibility study of strawberry farm in tagaytay shows that it is not feasible and I've verified it with the Bureau of Plant Industry. Everyone in the group is already backstabbing each other and I'm at lost as to who to believe, who to get angry with, who to talk back with, who to join, who to agree with. Everything's been confusing aand we only got 5 freaking days to finish everything. We're down to two choices and that is 1.) go with the feasibility study, take the risk and pray that we won't fail but I think, with the forgoing info that I've just found, we will, in no doubt fail or 2.)come up with a new business and cram.. ARGH! Talk about crunch time and I'm still blogging about it.. Pray for us please. I really wanted this to pass.

Law School it is..:)

2009-09-17T04:46:00.002+08:00

I am happy, because the only profession that I wanted to become is now attainable for me..

When I was young, I always wanted to be a reporter and a lawyer, thus, I've planned my life to be patterned to that. In Grade School, I joined the School Paper Organization while in High School, I entered the Debate Club.

I was determined to be a corporate/legal lawyer someday so I planned to take Political Science if not Mass Communication as my Bachelor's Degree then I'll go straight to Law School.. That's why in all my entrance exams, I always put Political Science and Mass Communication (or related courses) as my choices.

But things didn't go smoothly as planned. While deciding on which University I would go, my parents were insisting that I go for Pamantasan ng Lugsod ng PAsig and take up Nursing..

At that time, I really wanted to go to University of Santo Tomas, if not, Polytechnic University of the Philippines because I wanted an independent environment suitable for my preparation to Law School.

But my parents said, "Okay, you can go to PUP, only that, you would take Accountacy as your course." WTH! I don't want to, but still, they won and after a year, I failed the course and shifted to Marketing.

All my hopes of becoming a reporter and a lawyer were gone because of the wrong choice of course. I was ready to do Events MArketing instead when I graduate because it's related to Mass Communication and in that way, I can compensate for the lost dream of being a reporter. But then, when my parents and I had a talk, I was surprised that Papa brought up the Law School topic. He asked me if how many units do I still have to take before graduation then he instructed me to finish Bachelor's Degree on time (since everyone is expecting me to graduate on May 2010) and then file for my admissions in Law School..

I was overwhelmed.. I thought he has forgotten about my dream. I haven't thought about it in years after I shifted. I haven't talked about it with my parents but it seems like they know me to well.

Weeks before this conversation, Papa was already calling me "Attorney" because of the show "Dahil May Isang Ikaw", and I always smile whenever he calls me "Attorney". Dating back from high school, I remembered a certain show which also have Lawyers as main characters,"Kaytagal Kang Hinintay". Papa was also calling me "Attorney Katrina" back then because the female protagonist played by Bea Alonzo was also named Katrina. So now, whenever papa calls me, he addressess me as "Attorney".

Talking about the Law School thing with my parents brought back so many things in me. It brought me back to what my real goal was. I brought back the sense of why I am studying, and why I need to study hard. This also brought my confidence and self-esteem back. This also enlightened me again to pray and ask for God's wisdom and will for this decision.

This decision will affect many things includong my service in YFC, my wanting to be a fulltime, career path and a lot more so I asked God to guide me through this decision and also allow me to finish the Bachelor's Degree on time so that I can graduate on May 2010 and Finally take the LAE by september on that year. Also that I would be preparedc to enter the Law School as I know I still have a lot to learn because I wasn't ableto take up a related course for it.

Law School, here I come!

Sarap..:)

2009-09-13T02:37:00.003+08:00

"Gawin mo kung anong makakapagpasaya sa'yo.."

Masarap pa din talaga makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko hanggang ngayon. Kahit na madaling araw na at dapat ay natutulog na sila bilang gawain naman talaga nila ang matulog ng maaga.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan at makipagpalitan ng kuro-kuro sa kanila tungkol sa mga bagay bagay sa buhay at bigla ko nalang naisip, ang bilis lang pla ng 20 taon. Pagkatapos ng 20 taon ulit, magagawa pa kaya namin 'to? O may kausap na dn kaya ako na bata na katulad ko ay mura pa ang pananaw sa mga ganitong bagay sa edad ko ngayon at ipapasa ko lang ang mga natutunan ko mula sa mga magulang ko.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko dahil sila lang ang may kayang bumara sa akon at bumatok sa akin ng wala akong magawa kundi tumahimik at makinig nalang bilang karaniwan naman talaga ay ako ang nambabara at nambabatok sa mga tao.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa kanila. Kanina, naramdaman ko, pagkalipas ng ilang taon din na hindi talaga kami nagkkwentuhan ng matino simula ng maging abala ako sa kolehiyo at sa serbisyo ko sa YFC, na may mga bagay pa din talaga na hindi magbabago.

Tulad ng hindi mawawala ang usapan tungkol sa aking pagkabata, kamusta ang aking pag-aaral, relasyon sa mga tao, aking pag-uugali,mga future plans at mga pangaral nila sa akin para sa finale.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko, dahil nagagawa ko mangarap kapag kausap ko sila, sa kanila, mabilis gumana ang imahinasyon ko at bumibilis ang pag-iisip ko.

Masarap makipag-usap sa mga magulang ko, kinilig ako..:)

1st day discovery..

2009-09-09T01:10:00.000+08:00

I discovered that I am doubtful..

Help me.. (randomness)

2009-09-08T02:53:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling lonely and depressed lately. It's because I can't stop holding on to the past and everything's been crazy lately.

I've been into an aweful lot of issues lately. Issues about friendship, Lovelife and family that are making my nerves explode..

What are my issues anyway? It's so random, I just can't seem to elaborate about it anymore.

Lately, a lot of people are asking me to tell them about what's really happening with me. Well, to tell them frankly, I don't know either.

Here are random thoughts from what happening with me:

*Some friends aren't really true all..
*I am doubtful..
*I am inlove to a friend..
*I am hurting so much that I don't know what's/who's really hurting me..
*I am jealous..
*I am envious..
*I am sad because of these..
*I don't know now how to be happy..
*I feel that I am mean and bitchy..
*I am a world-class plastic..
*I am not me anymore..
*I don't know what's happening..
*I'm lost..
*I can't express what's happening..
*I don't know what I know..
*I can't seem to find or remember what I've learned..
*I'm angry..
*I'm afraid..
*I'm hopeless..
*I'm frustrated..
*I'm weird..
*I don't know what to do..
*I think I need help but I don't know what kind of help..

and the list goes on..

Learn Mac Book!

2009-08-26T17:04:00.000+08:00

Before I start with this article, I want to ask what Operating System are you using in your desktop or laptop? But before you answer that, I just want to give you a brief review about Operating Systems. An operating system (commonly abbreviated to either OS or O/S) is an interface between hardware and user; an OS is responsible for the management and coordination of activities and the sharing of the resources of the computer.

The Operating Systems that I know are Mac, Windows, Linux and Ubuntu. The most common among these are Mac and Windows. Windows OS is being loved because it's very user-friendly. Mac OS, on the other hand, is being loved by its skins and icons. It really looks cute but it is hard to manage. Therefore, people who are just new into using Mac cannot really cope up easily into its interface.

One of the most common command in the Mac OS is how to create ZIP archives. In windows, it's very easy to create ZIP archives. But in Mac, it's different. Just go through this tutorial on How to Create ZIP Archives in Mac OSX. I am pretty sure that this tutorial can help you in creating zip archives which will be very helpful to us especially in sending bulk of files. We can just but it in a zip archive and voila! All the files and folders can be in just one zip file. :)

Another Friendship Failed.. Another Blessing in Disguise?

2009-08-23T04:55:00.004+08:00

And for the nth time.. I have another failed friendship.. Really, what's going on? Or what's with me.. Urgh..

Today, I asked Diana (my classmate) why she was ignoring me last tuesday and also why she's not able to look me in the eyes today when we saw each other. She said, she doesn't want to deceive me anymore.

This is what she really told me thru text:

"Xgeh d2 q na sbhn.. Mgging honest na q, Unang dhlan dhl ngtmpo xken xobra ang grupo ko dhl sobra aqong lapt sau, aware k nman xguo na ayaw nla xau.. ok lng sna un, e peo kc ang d q matake ay yang atityud mu... Alam mu namang d q gus2 ugli ni honey, mgkaprehas pla kau, isa pa cnadya q dn ung pagbulabog ng 2l0g mu,s0ri, huh!, ayst...Pxnxa na d q gus2ng plztikn k kya lau n lng aq..."

I say, WTF! Why the hell would I deserve this kind of treatment? all of them were really pissing me. And I can't talk back. I mean, I can't right? It's not appropriate to talk back and besides I can't change her, she already has decided. Why the hell am I like this? Or what the hell is wrong with me? why are all the people I love's been ditching me? It's not like I have done something grave. I swear what the f***?!!! I really don't know what's happening..

It wasn't like I was asking for our exclusivity. It wasn't like I'm asking her to get out of her group and join me to sulk in my misery. It wasn't like I was asking her to give me advices on my problems. It wasn't like I told her to just be friends with me and ditch her other friends. It wasn't like I was owning her.

NO!! It wasn't like that!

All I want is for her to be a friend to me. To be a listener when I can't take it anymore. To be able to pray for me when everything fails and I've got no one to back me up. All I want is for her to be there when I look back and needed a hug because I've been frightened of what's in front of me. All I want is for her to be there when I need her and also to be there for her when she's the one in need.

I'm not asking much..

I just her want to be a true friend to me because I really need one because we both agree that it's really hard to find real friends in the four walls of our classroom.. Everybody's being a fake, including us. I thought we agreed on this but I was wrong.

I realized, I have really few friends but nonetheless, these few haven't left me since the day we met until now. They are true to me, and I can feel it my bones. They met me at my best, they saw me thru my weakest and they've gone with me thru my worst yet they stood by me, with firm love and understanding.

Thanks friends, who's always been there for me thru it all. You know who you are..:)

Yes, I am hurt, but still, I am thankful that this event happened to me now. I believe that God is up to something great for me. He's molding me into someone greater, someone more awesome than I thought I could be because I can feel it. The molding and crafting really hurts for now, but I know I still have to endure it to enjoy myself better and also to serve and love more people in better way that I can.

Just like an exquisite vase, the potter breaks an old pot into pieces, heats it in a high temperature and molds it to be the best shape it could be.

I am the vase and God is my potter..

Randomness on my 20th..

2009-08-13T01:58:00.005+08:00

It's my 20th birthday today. And the clock says it's 2 am now. I really want to sleep but because I am to engrossed with the situations that are happening in my life, I want to think about it thoroughly. These situations are causing my life to be always gloomy. I don't really know what's happening to me now.

My heart, it's really burdened right now. Everything's been suffocating me to the point that I literally can't breathe. I pretty much wanted to cry ever since the first time I was hurt or I felt pain but no tears would come out of my tear ducts. I guess things aren't really much worth crying for nut still my heart is so heavy. So heavy that I can't contain any emotions that would hurt me again.

My mind, it's to cluttered. I've been trying to do a lot of thinking to analyze all the things that has been clogging my heart and mind. I've been trying to figure out if everything that has been happening to me or that caused my pain and my continuous sufferings are interconnected or has commonalities on them. I can't think straight. My thoughts would always drift away to unwanted memories and unpure thoughts thus blocking all the happy thoughts and memories in my mind.

I'm sad, incredibly sad, I;ve been like this for most of my life and I just can't seem to do my way out of this crap. I haven't found and done what I really want in my life. I wasn't allowed to do everything that I want to do because of certain boundaries and beliefs. Maybe if I breakfree, if I breakloose, all that's been bothering me, all that's been burdening me, all that's cluttering in my mind, all that's clogging in my heart would be gone and I'll be able to be happy again. I'll be able to live my life again. Maybe. Someday.

The problem with me is that I am always restricted by a box. I am so scared to take risks that if I do something, if I say something, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want that anymore. I wamt to break loose. I want to be me. I want to be the real me.

Randomness..

2009-08-12T04:02:00.005+08:00

I really don't know why and how I am able to think clear today. I haven't slept yet and my head is still spinning because of a tiring MakMan class and an annoying and confusing HBO class.

I have no idea unto how I'm able to handle such emotional disturbances this past weeks. My heart has been in to roller coaster these days and I'm just tired to process everything.

A friend told me that she got raped and I don't know how to accept or react to that. Especially because that person is close to me and I love her. I just don't know how to make her feel that nothing has changed and that I still love and respect her.

It's hard to always absorb the sadness of people around me while there's no one whole do it for me when I'm the one who's sad. I need someone who'll talk me out in all the clutters in my mind, someone who can relate and that I don't need to relate everything that has happened because she's involved. I just don't what to do. I might breakdown if I won't let it out. And I'm just thankful that I have blogs like this.

And my prayer life, super struggle for me. With all that's going in my mind, I think I don't have the right mind to pray. I can't hink clearly and I'm dying to get myself to do the things that I want to do and not those that are pre-requisites. I'm definitely in lost right. I just know that I really need help right now..

(SIGH..)

I won't fight back..

2009-08-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

“Hay gurl, mahalin mo kasi muna yung sarili mo bago ka magmahal ng iba, striking words from a friend. She thinks that I love other people more than I love myself? I really don’t know. Alright, I tend to give a lot of effort in loving others because that’s what I’ve learned, that’s who I am and that’s how I glorify my God.

Maybe in the ordinary world, this kind of love doesn’t exist. Loving with all your heart, still loving while they make you suffer, loving the unlovable, doing what’s right yet still loving is what I’ve learned, is what I’ve grown to do and what I think is the most appropriate thing to do.

I don’t easily freak out. I don’t shout when I am mad. I don’t get mad easily and I forgive even without asking for an apology. This is me. Why can’t they accept it? I don’t want to fight back even if it means that I am weak because for me it’s the most loving way to do.

I often think that it’s not my problem if I and they can’t get along well. There are just people who won’t accept others as who they are, that’s fine with me. I don’t have to fight back just because people can’t get along with me and they just want to become my foes.

I just don’t want to fight back. And besides, fighting back is an inhuman act. It shows that you don’t have any breeding at all. Fighting back means I am affected to what they are doing to me and thus stooping to their low level. I don’t want to be branded as a delinquent. If all the fights should have an equal reaction there won’t be an end to every fight.

This is me. I don’t fight. I don’t get mad easily. I don’t stoop to low levels. But I am sensitive. So whatever problems have with me, I easily detect it. I can feel if they are just faking their friendship with me or not. I think I’m doubtful ever since, I am just hiding the fact by saying I have a big trust on you. But the bigger trust I give you, the bigger is my doubt for you.

I wish.. If only..

2009-08-08T04:34:00.002+08:00

I always feel like I’m being used, that I am being violated by people. They pretend to be true to me where in fact they just wanted to use me. I often think that I am greater than them. That they are just a bunch of idiots who also think that they can look down on me, use me and make fun of me.

I sometimes think that I am a bit hard on them because of giving that impression but I think it’s just how they make me feel that strengthens the feeling of being violated and so used up.

Sometimes, I just wanna be a bad person. Try to ignore them or say things that I don’t usually say or be more indifferent and cold towards them. I want to just yell at them when I get mad like most people would probably do if they get mad. I want to show them that I can get mad to. I want them to treat me seriously like I am someone so important that they won’t even entertain the idea of trying to make me mad. I want them to respect me. I want them to look up on me.

I always feel that they just neglect me. They think that I won’t get mad. Just because I say it’s okay, they do it on purpose several times thinking that things would probably okay with me, like breaking my trust, saying stupid things about me, talking behind my back and using me.

Probably that’s the problem with me. I often say “it’s okay”, so people always think that it really is okay. Maybe if I just happen to break free and burst out, they would understand me fully.

I just wish that they would take me seriously and be more sensitive when it comes to me because I can’t seem to be able to say that things aren’t really okay. If only they can read this. IF ONLY..

Dark Aura

2009-08-06T04:50:00.001+08:00

I always feel like I am emitting a dark aura. It’s like I tell people to go away and to not be close to me. I always feel sad that people may think that they may catch my being all too emotional. But I can’t help it. I am just too lonely. I don’t even want to trace the cause of it but I know for a fact that I am so lonely.

Ever since, loneliness has been my security blanket. I’ve been lonely for most of my life because I fail to acknowledge every cause of my bitterness. I fail to acknowledge the reason why my heart always skips a bit when I am badmouthed and when I get hurt. Or maybe, I fail to block all the negativities around me and I am easy to be hurt.

I don’t know really, but I think I am emitting a dark aura. All the pretence, all the fake smiles, all the pretentious laughs that I put up to show them that I am okay are the things that makes me sad. I always try my best to be liked by people. I always try my best not to hurt them by any means. And it was because of those things that I failed to be real and true to myself. I became much sadder and sadder each day until the sadness has become unbearable to the point that I’m drowning in it.

Until now I don’t know what to do about it. I still feel that I emit a dark aura but I don’t want people to walk away from me. I want them to be happy. I want to feel that I am loved by them. I want to feel an endless happiness that would make all the loneliness in my heart fade away like it hasn’t really happened.

In Love

2009-08-05T07:40:00.001+08:00

Funny, I don’t know how many times I have fallen in love and got heartbroken. I can’t seem to remember when the 1st time I fell truly in love was. I can’t date it back to grade school. I kind of liked a lot of guys that time but those were just crushes. It can’t be mistaken as love because I was young then.

My first love, I think is my best friend, Jan Brian Kristoffer Soliven. He was my classmate for two years in high school. He is branded as the ultimate playboy together with Sherwin Salceda. I don’t really know why we became best friends. The only thing I can remember was that he used to sit beside me, chat with me, tell me his problems (love,family) and joke around and laugh with me like nobody else can. I saw him court girls and also got heartbroken for awhile when they break u like it was an SOP to get depressed about a break up when he was the one who initiated it. He would always tell me who his prospects were and he would also ask for my opinions, analysis and approval on to which one would he hit on first. When I was doing that, at the back of my mind I was asking myself, “what was I doing?” He’s going to go again. He’ll never be mine. He’ll just be my bestfriend. And truly it was, he only became my best friend and after a year we parted ways. Our batch mates would always criticize him but still I stand by him because I was able to see the real part of him which others won’t see even his girls.

I loved Brian for almost the whole of my high school days, it’s just so sad that we can’t be friends forever. At our final year in high school, no communication was made between us and I’ve gotten involved into other stuff as YFC, so I’ve grown to like working outside the campus.

That was then when I met my first boyfriend, John Ivan Mantiquilla. We were YFC’s and he was my chapter head. I thought I love him. Now that I think about it, I really wasn’t in love with him, I was just enthralled to feeling of being loved because the heart break from Brian was unbearable. I just wanted to tell myself at that time that I am over and done with Brian and that I can prove everyone that I can get myself a boyfriend if I want. Our relationship lasted for two months because of some complications in our families and service. We broke up. We haven’t had a decent and civil communication until we were in third year college. We are now both leading our lives the way it should be. He’s happy with his girl and I am happy yet searching for that someone who’ll make me feel that heaven is here on earth.
College life went on. I liked a lot of guys, mostly my brothers in YFC. I don’t really know if what I felt for them was real so now I refrain from saying I truly love them. Among those are, Kois Roxas, Miko Ramoso, Glen Charles Lopez and Marc Ycaro. I thought I love them but no.

Here comes another one that I think I felt real love in. He’s name is Mark Alvin Yagaya. He is a brother in YFC and the exact of what I dreaded to fall for. He is a SIGA member (less fortunate). He is full of himself even if he doesn’t admit it. When he talks I get hurt. And I think he is dumb. But I fell hard for him. I loved him for most of my college life. But he didn’t like me. Even for a friend I won’t pass. Our relationship was a plain you’re-my-sister-you’re-my-brother-no-more-no-less relationship. I chose to love him even if felt that I am just mocking myself. Because I love the feeling of being in love or the feeling of having someone to regard as someone you love.

Now I admit, I am over and done with Alvin now. He is n longer in my heart, because someone has come to replace him in it. This is my first time, after so many years, to love a person not in the community. I don’t want to say that I love him now. But I feel something for him. He is Mark Lester Gerardo, my classmate. I treat him as a brother because he’s older than me. I have forbidden myself to fall for him because that would mean losing another brother again. Also because someone was courting him and she was also our friend. I also tried not to fall for him because he said he doesn’t want to fall in love yet because of his past relationship failure.
I love the feeling of being in love. I love the feeling of having someone to be regarded as the one you love. I want to experience true love in God’s time because God said, true love waits. I bet I’ll have my love story anytime soon.

One More Time

2009-08-05T02:34:00.002+08:00

Why is it hurting this much? I saw their eyes. I know for sure it’s blank. I can’t see me in their eyes. I can’t see the care. I don’t want to admit it but I am hurting. It seems like I don’t know them anymore. It seems like it wasn’t really meant to be that way but it did.

I can clearly remember the day when they offered me to come with them. Although it was wrong, I tried being them because I was desperately in need of friends. No one wants to be my friend in school. Everyone was scared to be an outcast too.
And so I came with them. I tried to be like them, because, really, I was once like them, but I long forgotten that past me because it was for the better, because I can’t glorify God in those ways. But at that time, In my weakest point, I found what I was really yearning to have, FRIENDS.

They offered me experiences that I haven’t experienced with any of my “so-called” before. I experienced love in them. I felt loved and needed for once in my life. And I held on to them like a life support. I held on to them like I was gonna break any moment if I won’t do that. I loved them like no other. I was ready to devote my life in loving them but now, when I think about it, I was really fragile and weak. I can’t afford to get hurt. And I was still doubtful because of all the pains I have experienced before.

Days passed, months passed, summer came and ended, I held on to them, and said that, “This thing should be true. I hope it’ll last forever. I hope I’ll be in their lives forever and vice versa. But after 2 months, everything that I thought was wrong. Everything was a sham. Everything that I hoped for vanished in just one night.
That day, I don’t know their reason why they did that. They said it was just a joke. But I know the difference between a joke and a true hurtful word. Or maybe I am just so fragile to over react on matters like this because, I have been hurt before, so many times. Have I forgotten to tell them that I am weak, that I can’t take hard jokes, that I can’t, in anyway, afford to get hurt at this time in my life? No, I can’t forget that thing to be told to people I trust. I know I told it to three or four of them. And I expect them to always regard me with care. I trusted them with all of me, especially with my fragile heart. But they too shattered me into pieces.
After that incident, I was prepared to forget about them and start all over again. But I think my heart isn’t ready yet. And when the unexpected happened when we all saw each other, I was really devastated because I didn’t expect them to talk to me and work things over. But what am I to do? I am still hurt by the incident. So I did what my heart was telling me, to shoo them away and pretend that I don’t care about them anymore, show them that I can, on my own, live again, be happy again and that I really need them.

It was only yesterday that I saw them and yet I still think about them. I saw Joy, and I know for sure that I really hate her because she’s the one who started everything. I really hate her ever since the day I met her and hated her more when she tried to overturn me to presidency. Next, I saw Lester. I know he saw me at the corridor. But that time I was with Diana and Clarisse, my first real friends when I shifted to Marketing. I thought they have changed but they are still the same friends I met 2 years ago and I missed the chats that we only did today. Any, the next was Jonathan. Yes, I’ve been fond of him. I also wished before that he’ll take notice of me but things change and what I have for him turned into in difference. I don’t know if he was true all along. He was always the one who’ll get mad at my emotional group messages about friends but I don’t know if he really meant it that way. For me, he is, all along, a fake. Next were Heidi and Marvie. They were the people that I loved the most in our group before. They are the ones that I trusted with all that I am including Lester, because he somewhat resembles my deceased brother. In this situation, I am mostly hurt by what these three did. I don’t care what Joy, Jonathan and the rest do to me as long as Heidi, Marvie and Lester are always by my side, as long as they are, in any ways, true to me.

Now, as I write this blog, I know I am not okay yet. I am still hurting. I am still regretting my actions and I am still hoping that things would just be alright. But I have to win this battle by myself. I have to do it so I can face myself again. Overcoming this trial might be hard because I’ve been dealing these problems most of my life, but I can, in any way, can do this. And I still have God beside me, my family to always love me no matter what, and my remaining true friends to back me up when things don’t work as I planned.
I’ll be strong. I can do this.

One More Time

each day is so slow and so hard
because no matter how hard i try to reveal my heart
you can’t see it

i’m just resent the time that’s gone by
no matter how much time changes, i’m always sad

one more time
even though it hurt, i should have loved a little more
i’ll laugh for only you, i’ll cry for only you

one more time
like the hot sun of the sky
i’ll love all of you forever, only you

one more time

i miss the image of the warmhearted you standing beneath the umbrella
though i wipe these tears again, i’m always sad

one more time
even though it hurt, i should have loved a little more
i’ll laugh for only you, i’ll cry for only you

one more time
like the stars that shine brightly in the night sky
i’ll love all of you forever, only you

one more time

i promise that a tomorrow that we both share will find us
i promise that a happiness that we both share will find us
i’ll always be by your side

one more time
even though it hurt, i should have loved a little more
i’ll laugh for only you, i’ll cry for only you

one more time
like the hot sun of the sky
i’ll love all of you forever, only you

one more time
oh my love for you
oh one more time
oh my love for you
one more time

Forever and Always..

2009-08-04T03:37:00.002+08:00

There’s this girl trio that I spotted way back 2 and a half years ago when I shifted course from Accountancy to Marketing. The trio was stunning. Fair- skinned, beautiful, not to mention, head-turners. Everyone’s attention was drawn to them and I was one of those audiences who were bemused by the trio. Apart from their almost perfect features was an attitude that I never thought would have caught my respect as per my respect and trust is hard to earn at that time. Everything was new. Everything scared me. And these three made it heaven for me.

The first one I met was Lorraine. I easily got close to her because we cater the same transportation towards home. We’re, coincidentally, both, Pasiguenos. I think she is sweet but aggressive when provoked. I like her personality for when I hear her reason out, I can always see the point. Next of them was Clarisse, a very brave girl from my perception. She’s always talking about how things should be in a proper way. I love her attitude ‘cause somehow, she is a reality check. And so it was this that led me to meet and be close to the woman I am going to talk about here.
The last one was Diana. This girl has gotten my attention the first time I saw them. If I really was a guy, I would court this girl and never part from her. She is such a beauty, a goddess in her own way. Apart from being pretty, she’s also a brain. Not all of our friends (?) know that. When you would be given a chance to converse with her, you’ll get amazed at the amount of topics you can talk with her, not to mention her speedy way of conversing (kidding). She’s strong and aggressive also when provoked. What I really like about her is her modesty. Being smart and brainy can give you a lot to be proud of. But this girl, she’s so humble.

Well, going back to her birthday two years ago, I hardly can remember who the attendees were. I can’t remember what we really did at the mall or what I contributed to her birthday. But one thing is for sure, I promised myself to be friends with this girl until God knows when. I said, I think I’m gonna love this girl. I’ll protect her. Maybe she’ll need me in her life. I’ll do anything for her that’s in my power to make her happy, protect her, comfort her, and love her. She’s like a sister to me. (I’m sure you’ll think it’s exaggerated but it’s true, I really love you these much..)

Months passed, everybody sure needs to move on. She moved on with her life, as well as her friends, I did too, but quietly I was still giving an eye on her, on when she would be needing me again. Or when would be the chance to have a talk with her again.
Sure there were happiness in her life that I wasn’t able to notice. There are pains that I am not aware that happened to her. I felt that I failed to protect her ‘cause things also intercepted to break me.

Now I am happy those things happened to the both of us because we are where we are now. My friendship with her is working again. And I’m happy that we are in this terms right now because it’s our last year in college. And also, I badly need a friend right now after what happened to me recently (you know that).

Hi diane,

I can’t think of gifts to give you. I don’t know what to give you either. So I think a letter would be much appropriate and sincere to be done at this time. Sorry if it’s in English. I hardly can’t conceptualize when it’s written in tagalong but I hope the grammars are fine.

You know, I just want to thank you for everything. For always making me feel that you’re just behind me, that you are there always, ready to be my friend and shoulder to cry on. Recently, what happened to me was really devastating for me. I held on to them, just like how I held on to you. But apart from that, I am grateful that you were there, that you helped me go through this. And I love you for that.

You are always in my thoughts (about friends). You know, I really wanted to have a sister because I only have one. And thinking that it would be just the two of us (my sister and I) in just a matter of time is also saddening. But I wanted to thank God for giving a sister like you to me. I just hope that I can fulfil all those promises that I made 2 years ago, on your birthday.

Any, what am I blabbering about here?:)) I just want to wish you a happy birthday and happy 2 years for us (anniversary? haha). You know that I super love you and that whatever happens in the near future, even if we would experience the same as what I have experienced recently, I promise you, I’ll stand beside you. I’ll always be near you even if you don’t want, need or love me anymore. You can ask me for anything (money, things, questions, etc) and I’ll be gladly giving them to you. You are the only one, aside from my sibling that I am giving the permission to ruin me because I love you so damn much. (i’m crying as I write this.)

Diane, I’ll always be here no matter what. No matter how tough the situations might get, I’ll stay right here. I never doubted you. And I promise, I’ll never doubt you. Please tell me when I tend to spoil you at certain times but please bear with me because that is my love language. I trust you very much because I love you also that much. I hope that you’ll always stay beside me.

I wanted our friendship to last forever until God knows when. I want to witness everything that will happen in your life. The happiness that would make you cry your joyful tears. I wanted to be there to support you in all the trials and hardships that you will encounter as we sail along the corporate world and to the real life. I want to meet that person that would capture your heart forever and wouldn’t let you go(because I’ll kill him if he does. Why haven’t I done that to paeng? Haha.. kidding!). I want to be in your wedding day and be the happiest woman there apart from your family because I was there to witness your life. I want to meet your children and also be part of their lives (I’ll be ninang, promise me.) I think this is already scaring you, but God, I just want to be part of your life forever.
I just pray that you’ll always be strong in whatever hindrance and obstacles that might come your way. Always pray, thank the Lord for everything, mourn to God whatever kind of pain you have in your heart and always put Him first as your priority.

I’ll always pray for you. I’ll be here. I’ll love you till the end. Zheng su sheng ri kuai le.:) Happy Birthday Diane! Wo Ai de peng you.:)

Love,
Kat

He is in my dreams every night..

2009-08-03T04:57:00.004+08:00

Every night I'm dreaming of him.. That's why i'm afraid to sleep at night.. Where everyone is also asleep.. Iwant to sleep when everyone is aware that I am sleeping.. That I am having this dream for so many nights now.. Ever since I have admitted that I do have feelings for Him, I've been dreaming things about him. Some were embarrasing because never in my wildest thoughts would I ever comprehend those kinds of things to occur between us.

But my most favorite dream is that we had been bestfriends. Eventhough it became embarassing at the end, still, the thought of having him as my bestfriend is such an interesting memory for me. We can't be friends anymore. We can't be lovers either so I am so happy that even in dreams, the thought of having him beside me came true/

I just wish that I will have this dream every night so i'll look forward to sleeping. I wanted him beside me in whatever relationship we may have, friends, bestfriends, siblings.. Just the thought of him beside me calms me.

But now it's different. He can no longer be near me. I forbid 'cause I don't want to be hurt again..

I hope in our next life, i'll get what my heart wants..

Should I forget all about it?

2009-08-01T03:30:00.001+08:00

I wonder if I should just forget about what happened. After all, they are the ones who made the first approach to make things better and clear between us. But I was really hurt. And I’m scared that if I let them in again in my life, I would shatter into pieces because they would do the same thing to me again. Another thing, I’m scared that in return, I would be the one who would hurt them, which I don’t want to happen. I don’t want people to loathe me.
In as much as I wanted to let them in again in my life, the fact that my full trust in them has deteriorated makes it impossible to be friends with them again. Doubt has conquered the whole of me and the unconditional love that I have for them before has turned to plain acquaintance.
I realized, I tend to give more and forget myself when I love to the point that I let them use me just to please and give them the happiness they seek. I gave them my trust, and in accordance to that, I give them my love. I tend to pamper people that are very close to me. I care for them, I look after them as if I am a big sister. I spoil them rotten. But after I am hurt, I tend to run away, hide and wallow in self pity asking myself if what happened was my fault. I run away, never comeback, block all the happy thoughts about them as if nothing happy has occurred during the times that I was with them.
The fact that they were able to hurt me after giving them the warning that I am a very fragile person justifies that they aren’t really my friends after all. I tend to warn people about my being emotional about things. And after what they did, I was so devastated that these people really exist.
Now I really wonder if I should really just forget about this whole thing. I want to forget. I guess I’ll be blocking all sorts of thoughts about them from now on so I can move on with my life and be happy with the remaining people who are really true to me and really loves me for who I am despite my attitudes, despite my craziness, despite all sorts of evilness in me. I’m just lucky to have few friends but you can call REAL.

Sulat para sa mga inakala kong kaibigan..

2009-07-30T04:26:00.003+08:00

Sabi ko na nga ba mangyayari ‘to.. Sinabi ko na nga ba, dadating sa puntong susuko din ako. Mula pa sa una, alam kong salingpusa lang ako. Panabla, pamparami ika nga. Mula pa nung una, inasahan ko na, na hindi din nila ako kayang tanggapin, matanggap man, may bahid ng kung ano ang pakikipaglapit na ginagawa.
Kahit paano, masasabi kong naging masaya din akong kasama kayo. Kahit paano, napaligaya nyo ako sa tuwing makakasama ko kayo. Naging totoo ako sa lahat ng sinabi at ginawa ko sa pagkakaibigan na ‘to. Iniwasan kong makipag-away sa kahit na sino sa inyo kahit na naaasar din ako paminsan minsan at hindi ko gusto ang mga trip nyong gawin. Pero sumasakay nalang ako, ika nga, pakikisama. Hindi ko kailangan gawin ang mga bagay na ginagawa nyo na hindi ko gusto basta makasama ko lang kayo, dahil akala ko, mahal nyo na din ako. Dahil akala ko, totoo na ‘to. Dahil akala ko, matindi ‘to. Nakakatawa, totoo nga palang nakakamatay ang maling akala.
Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula, ayokong iclaim, pero ramdam ko ang kompetisyon. Effort na effort sya sa lahat ata ng bagay na gawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula, pero ramdam ko ang inggit sa pagkatao nya. Wala akong ginagawa. Wala akong sinasabi. Kung tingin nyo meron, patingin ng proweba.
Masama bang mabuhay ng ayon sa nakagawian ko? Eto ako. Malamang hindi mo nalang din inalam kung bakit ako ganito at katulad ng mga nauna, nagassume nalang kayo ng mga bagay na akala nyong pagkatao ko. Nakakalungkot dahil ipinakita ko sa’yo ang totoong ako. Inasahan ko na sa pagkakataong ‘to, ikaw lang ang dadamay sa akin. Saktan na nila ako, wag lang ikaw, dahil wala silang alam at ikaw pinagkatiwalaan ko. Dahil akala ko magkapatid tayo. Dahil akala ko magkaibigan tayo. Naniwala ako na mahahanap mo sa puso mo ang malaking tiwalang binigay ko. Nakakamatay nga talaga ang maling akala.
Now when I look back, ako nga lang ata ang nag-isip na magkaibigan tayo, na magkapatid tayo, na matindi at kakaiba ang pagkakaibigan na ito. Ngayon, itigil na natin ‘to. Ayokong manakit, ayokong masaktan. Ayoko ng gulo. Isipin nalang natin na parang walang nangyari. Na parang hindi nagkrus ang mga landas natin. Na hindi tayo nagkakilal
Hindi ko alam kung anong mga pinag-usapan ng mga tao sa likod ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako ginagago ng mga taong inakala kong totoo. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang mga gagawin nila. Hindi ko kayo totoong kilala, wala din kayong alam sa akin.
Ituturing ko nalang itong isang panaginip, na hindi nagkatotoo, katulad ng prediction ko. Sana masaya na kayo,wala na ko, you’re free to talk behind my back. You’re free to say whatever you want about me. Pwedeng pwede nyo na kong pagtawanan hanggat gusto nyo. Basta wag na wag na kayong lalapit sa akin kung hindi naman importante, pakiusap lang. Ayoko ng plastikan,please lang.
Eto lang, pinahalagahan ko kayo. Minahal ko kayo at hanggang ngayon minamahal pa din. Sobrang sakit ng nagawa nyo sa akin, masahol pa sa mga naunang tumalikod sa akin. At least sa kanila, may kasalanan din ako, sa inyo, kasalanan bang maging totoo? Wag mong sabihing binibiro nyo lang ako, dahil kalokohan yung ginawa nyo, lalo na ikaw na nakakaalam ng dahilan kung bakit ko ginagawa yun. Sa nangyaring ‘to, pinakanasaktan ako sa ginawa mo.
Ingat nalang kayo palagi. Ipagdadasal ko pa din kayo. Salamat na lang din sa lahat. Sana kapag nagkrus ang landas natin, wala ng masaktan.:)
Paalam.

Shopping at it's best!

2009-07-29T17:26:00.001+08:00

During my childhood days, I used to make an artificial basketball ring in front of our house. Almost everyday, I love playing basketball with my friends. Ever since, I want to own a basketball ring that I can transfer anywhere I want. While surfing the net a while ago, I came across a very comprehensive site in which I can almost find all the things that I want to buy then, like the outdoor basketball ring. The site is very detailed and it can make your way of shopping very easy.

Almost all of the things that a consumer wants can be found on that site. Even the latest gadgets like digital cameras and GPS devices on the markets are available there and you'll have a lot of option to choose from.

Are you planning to have a vacation somewhere or you want to experience mountain hiking? If you're planning to buy the things that you need for that task, you can also check that site because they are offering the in-demand and comfortable things needed like the backpacks for the storage of the clothes and other miscellaneous things, Boots suitable for venturing mountains, and even the sleeping bags needed for camping.

Also available on that site are furnitures that can make a home very beautiful and attractive. From the simplest outdoor umbrella to the state-of-the-art sofa and table set available in the market worldwide.

This site can help a lot of people in the world especially those who are fond of shopping. Shopping has never been this so easy! So what are you waiting for? See it for yourself!

Sentiments..

2009-07-08T03:56:00.000+08:00

Nang mga nakakaraang araw, palgi nalang akong madaling malungkot. Madali akong mapikon, masaktan at umiyak. Napakasensitive ko. As a call it, fragile ako these days.. Hindi ko din naman din kasi gusto na maging ganito ako, pero yun talaga yung nararamdaman ko. Struggling ako na ‘wag masaktan ng ganoong kadali. Sa sobrang pagstruggle ko, nagiging indifferent tuloy ako, na mas lalong nakasakit sa ‘kin dahil akala ng mga tao, dahil hindi ako nagsasalita, okay lang. Dahil hindi ako nagrereact, walang problema. Dahil hindi ako umiiyak sa harap nila, hindi ako nasaktan.
Kawawa naman yung puso ko. Napakafragile. Durog na durog na ata. Pinipilit ko maging strong. Pinipilit ko kalimutan. Pinipilit kong baiwalain, pero parang hindi ko na naman kaya. Bakit paulit ulit nalang? Bakit walang humpay ang mga taong ‘to na saktan ako? Bakit may epekto pa din yung mga ginagawa nila sa akin hanggang ngayon? Nakit hindi ako makawala sa kumunoy na ‘to? Bakit parang hindi ako nagggrow?
Unang dahilan ng sakit, Pamilya. Mahal ko sila. Sobrang mahal. Ang mga magulang ko, mahal na mahal ko sila, to the point na hindi nalang ako makasagot kapag tinatanong nila ang mali nila sa akin. Oo, sumasagot ako sa magulang ko. Kasi nagtatanong sila. At ang masakit dun, hindi kami palaging magkaintindihan. Ni hindi nga nila alam kung kelan ako nagbibiro o kung kelan ako seryoso. Sa sobra kong pagmamahal sa kanila, hindi nalang ako nagsasalita tungkol sa mga bagay na kailaingan ko dahil nangangamba ako na baka isipin nila, napakamaluho kong anak. Hindi ako humihing ng mga bagay na hindi related sa school. Ultimo pambayad ng mga libro, hiyang hiya akog hingin sa kanila kaya kapag kelangan na kelangan na, dun pa lang ako humihingi. Madaming bagay akong gustong makuha, gustong gawin at gustong maayos. Pero takot na takot ako palagi na hindi nila ako suportahan. Takot na takot ako na hindi nila ako maintindihan. Takot na takot na sa bandang huli, nagkamali pala ko at sabihin nilang hindi ako nakinig sa kanila. Madaming bagay akong hindi nagawa, ginagawa at magawa dahil sa sobra kong pagmamahal ko sa kanila. Bilang panganay na ngayon, ayokong masaktan pa sila lalo ngayon. Palagi nila sinasabi sa akin na kapag tumanda sila, wala daw akong pakialam sa kanila at baka hayaan ko lang daw silang mamatay sa gutom, pero mali sila, alam na alam ko, at ramdam na ramdam ko na ako pa din sa huli ang mag-aalaga at bubuhay sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung alam nila yun. Araw- araw, madami akong gustong gawin, madami akong gustong puntahan, madami akong gustong aralin bukod sa mga bagay na gusto nila gawin, puntahan at aralin ko pero wala akong magawa kundi sundin pa din sila kasi yun ang magpapasaya sa kanila. Takot na takot akong umalis ng bahay dahil baka pagbalik ko wala na sila, baka hindi ko na ulit sila makasama. Alam kong maikli nalang ang panahon ko para makasama sila. Gusto ko sanang makabuo ng mga magagandang memories kasama sila pero parang hindi mangyayari kasi hindi naman nila ko nakikita bilang ako, na anak nila. Siguro nakikita nila ko pero hindi ko nararamdaman. Ang nararamdaman ko lang ay kapag nagagalit sila sa akin kapag hindi ko gustong gawin yung mga pinapagawa nila na para bang wala na akong nagawang tama at maganda buong buhay ko na naging anak nila ako, yung inis nila kapag humihingi ako ng mga bagay na kailangan ko, kapag aalis ako at gagawa ng makabuluhang bagay at yung gustung gusto kong gawin at ang pinagtatakahan ko, kapag papasok ako sa school, na parang bang wala ng papupuntahan yung sarili ko kapah nakagraduate na ko. Nasasaktan ako sa lahat ng ipinaparamdam nila sa akin. Nasasaktan ako dahil alam kong mali ang makaramdam ng ganito dahil pamilya ko pa din sila at magulang ko sila. At ang pinakamasakit ay yung parang balewala lang ang bawat paghikbi ko pag gabi, ang bawat pag-iyak ko kapag pinipigilan kong sagutin at saktan sila dahil sa sobra kong pagmamahal sa kanila. Parang balewala lang ang bawat tahimik na iyak ng puso ko kapag nadidisappoint nila ako. Tinatanong nila palagi kung bakit hindi ako ngumingiti man lang kapag nasa bahay ako, well, eto ang sagot, kasi hindi ako masaya, at ang masama pa nun, sobra na kong nasasaktan na kahit ngiti hindi ko na maibihay.
Sige aamin ako, NAIINGGIT AKO! Inggit na inggit ako sa kapatid ko, sa hipag ko at sa baby namin. Naiinggit ako dahil hindi ko naranasang makuha ang gusto ko. Yung totoong gusto ko. Inggit na iinggit ako sa benefits na nakukuha ng kapatid ko. Nag-aaral sya sa pinakamahal na school bilang scholar. The mere fact na nagkaroon sila ng tiwala sa kapatid ko na mamemaintain nya ang scholarship nya, dun pa lang, inggit na inggit na ko. Napakasakit sa akin nun, nakakuha din naman ako ng scholarship eh, pero pinili nila akong pag-aralin sa blok na eskwelahan na ‘to. At dahil extremes nga ang agwat ng eskwelahan namin, palagi nalang akong less prioritized. Sa damit, bibili ang kapatid ko, ako hindi muna. Kasi okay lang naman sa school namin magsuot ng kahit na ano, eh sa kanya, pang mayaman yung school nya kaya dpat sumunod sa dress code. Sa mga gamit, sya pwedeng bilhan ng laptop (okay dahil sa course) dahil kelangan daw at lahat sila may laptop dun, samantalang ako, hindi, kasi pang mahirap ang school ko, magkasya nalang daw ako sa desktop, naku, andami kong kailangan gawin kung alam lang nila. Madaming bagay ang alam kong kaya nilang ibigay sa amin ng kapatid ko ng sabay pero hindi ila ginagawa. Naiinggit ako sa atensyon na binubuhos ng mama ko sa baby namin, kasi hindi ko yun naramdaman sa kanya. Hindi ko na nga din sya maramdaman ngayon. Alam kong mahal nya ko. Sino bang nanay ang hindi mahal ang anak? Pero hindi ko na yun maramdaman, matagal na, siguro nung magsimulang matuto na kong pumunta sa school mag-isa, maligo mag-isa, kumain mag-isa. Simula nung matutunan ko ang maging mag-isa.
Naiwan ako. Ma-isa, Hindi lang ng pamilya ko, pero ng napakaraming tao. Naranasan ko ng layuan. Naranasan ko ng mabastos. Naranasan ko ng mapagusapan ng masama behind my back. Naranasan ko ng maging palaging tampulan ng tukso. Naranasan ko ng maiwan mag-isa. Naranasan ko na ding ayawan ng iba.
Dun nagsimula ang pagayaw ko sa tao. Mas gusto ko mag-isa. Mas ginusto ko ang mamuhay na umaasa lang sa sarili ko at ang sustento na obligasyon ng magulang ko sa akin. Buong buhay ko palagi nalang ako iniiwan, palagi nalang akong inaayawan. Sa sandaling bumuka na ang bibig ko para makipagusap ng totohanan, lalayo sila kapag nakita nila ang isang bahagi ng ako. Hindi nila ninais na kilalanin ako. Hindi nila ninais makita kung sino talga ako. Kaagad nila akong hinusgahan.
Pangalawang dahilan ng sakit, Mga Kaibigan. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong mali sa akin. Sobra sobra kong mahal ang mga kaibigan ko. Dahil naranasan ko ng maiwan, ginawa ko ang lahat para maging ang taong gusto nilang makita. Hanggang umabot sa puntong hindi ko nalang din kilala yung sarili ko. Hindi ko na Makita yung totoong ako. Natuto akong magtago ng nararamdaman ko, natuto akong lokohin pati ang sarili ko. Namaster ko ang ipakitang Masaya ako kahit sa totoo lang gusting gusto ko na umiyak at magwala. Minsan, gusto ko nalang magbreak free. Maging carefree sa lahat ng bagay. Maging indifferent sa kung anong sasabihin ng iba.
May mga kaibigan akong inakala ko totoo, kasi sa una pa lang, click kami. Inakala ko na mahal nila ko dahil palagi nila kong tinatawag, palaging kelangan. Hanggang sa dumating ang panahon na wala na kong maibigay at ako naman yung nangailangan, tinalikuran din nila ako. Ganun kadali. Ang akal ko totoo sila, hindi nap ala nila ko kailangan.
May mga nagingkaibigan din naman ako na inakala ko ulit na okay na. Mabait, nirerespeto daw ako. Pagkatapos ng isang pagkakamali, nawla sila lahat na parang bula at iniwasan ako na para bang meron akong nakakahawang sakit. Hanggang ngayon ramdam ko pa din yun. May mga tao akong nakakasama, nakakakwentuhan, nakakainuman, nakakatawanan pero alam ko, takot din silang tumayo para sa’kin. Takot din sila na mainvolve sa akin. Wala din silang tiwala sa akin. Hindi din nila ako mahal gaya ng sobra sobra kong pagmamahal sa kanila. Alam ko yun. I can feel it in my bones. Meron sa kanila na kailangan ako dahil mapera ako, oo aminado ko, mapera kami, may kaya, nakakaangat ng di hamak sa ilan sa kanila. May mga ilan na pakiramdam ko sadyang mabait lang talaga sa akin at sa mga ilang tao dahil nature nila yun at hindi dahil gusto nila akong maging kaibigan. May mga tao akong pinagkakatiwalaan, namumuhunan ng tiwala at emosyon para mapaniwala ko naman yung sarili ko na hindi ako nag-iisa. Sana dumating yung araw na hindi ko na kailangan patunayan ang sarili ko. Sana Makita nila na worthy naman ako maging kaibigan. Sana kapag nangyari yun, hindi na sila mahiyang manindigan para sa akin at maging proud naman sila na kaibigan nila ako.
Sana dumating yung panahon na hindi ko na kakailanganing masaktan ng sobra sobra. Sana dumating yung panahon na matutuwa ang mga magulang ko sa akin at maramdaman ko naman na mahal nila ako. Sana dumating yung panahon na hindi na ko iiyak para dito sa parehas na rason. Sana humupa na ang sakit. Sana maramdaman ko ang pagmamahal na gusto kong maramdaman, hindi lang galing sa Diyos pero sa mga taong mahal ko.
Naramdaman mo ba ang sakit na nararamdaman ko? Nakita mo ba kung gaano na nadudurog ang puso ko? Naramdaman mo ba kung gaanong pagmamahal ang ibinibigay ko sa mga taong gusto kong bahaginan ng parte ng buhay ko?

Family is the Best Policy

2009-06-30T08:20:00.002+08:00

Most of you probably wonders why my title says "Family is the Best Policy". I just incorporated this with the common saying that "Honesty is the Best Policy". Why? Because family should really be your priority. You'll see eventually that when you are at your downtimes, many of your friends will leave you but your family will say even you are at your very lowest.

Why not spend more time with them? I know that nowadays, people have been very busy doing a lot of things. They are busy for work, for school and for other important activities in their lives. They tend to forget having a quality time with the family which is molds a large gap between the family members. Most of them only have free time whenever the declared holiday comes. So why not spend the day with your family during your free time?

You can work while you are at the beach. Please be sure that you've brought a netbook with you because you can access internet for emails while you are, at the same time, spending time with your family. Speaking of netbooks, isn't it that it's always good to save money? Just compare prices of the netbooks in the malls and netbooks in that website. You will save more money while enjoying your quality tiume with your family and while you are working. Please don't forget the camping equipments that you will use for the day.

So there, isn't it fun to have quality time your family while working at the same time?

Take A Look at Mac Book

2009-06-30T01:28:00.002+08:00

The Rise of the Business Web Directories

2009-06-29T20:25:00.003+08:00

Have you heard of Web Directories? If you are an advertiser or a blogger, maybe you are aware of what it is. But if you are just a newbie in the field of World Wide Web and you are thinking of other possibilities on how to increase you profit, maybe Business Web Directories are the best for you. Web directories are not search engines and they do not list web pages as keywords. They list the web pages by categories through which bloggers and other visitors may easily see them. A Web Directory is consist of RSS feeds instead of website links.

One suggestion in finding links is to base it in your field of work. For instance, if you are an Information Tenchnology Professional, you may find links that are related to computers, networking, internet and also the world. Another one is if your in the field of marketing resources, you may search for links that are related to it. You should also learn how to break down the topic so that you can be more specific in what link you are searching for.
Be more careful in choosing what web directories you will use. Make sure that it will show different categories of links because some directories only show one category which is really a great disappointment. Ofcourse you are in need of web directories that show different categories of links.
One of the most common and known directories is the Yahoo! Directories which are chosen by business man and owners around the world. Another great directory is Business.com. One of the bests directories is the Best of the Web Directory which was established since 1994.

Ergo, we need to choose a Seo friendly web directory. A web directory that is really convincing and not disappointing. We need to be careful in picking a good Business Web Directory.

Low Cost Car Rental

2009-06-14T04:07:00.003+08:00

Summer's not yet out! You can still enjoy the last minute of the hot summer! You can have picnics or outing with your family. But isn't it hassle if you are going out of town and you do not have a car to use? It really is annoying to commute especially in the sunny weather.

If you are going on a trip, and do not have your own car, you can rent cars through this site. This is specially for Germans who loves going out-of-town. You might need this Location de voiture site. It offers low cost car rental and have great deals! Visit this and there's no need for you to buy your own car. Why buy if you can rent through Location vehicule?

Get Paid to Blogging

2009-06-13T18:36:00.002+08:00

Have you heard of earning money online? Then you must have heard of paying post. Earning money online is a very popular field nowadays in the blogosphere. It helps the bloggers not only share their ideas and interests on the a certain topic on the web but it also helps them to earn some money in every post they do. And in connection to earning money online, there is this site that links the advertisers and bloggers together. It is no other than Paying Post. What is Paying Post? What does Paying Post do?

Paying post is a great site which, as what I've said, connects the advertisers and bloggers together. It means that the advertisers can order an entry from the bloggers in order to advertise their site or thir products. On the other hand, the blogger must have high stats of visitors in order to attract opportunities.

What's great with paying posts? Well, I can say that post's OPPORTUNITY CREATION FEE IS 50% LESS COMPARED TO THEIR COMPETITORS. It means that more money will come to the bloggers than the paying post itself. They also have clear and vivid instructions into what the bloggers are supposed to that's why it's very easy for them to make an awesome review for the advertisers. Furthermore, it pushes the blogger to maintain it's high page rank and visitor stats to have more opportunities.

Isn't it just great to earn money while you share your ideas? Do you want to earn money online? Now more about paying post at their blog. Start earning, get paid to blogging!

Zhen Ming Tian Zhi- Luo Zhi Xiang ft. Jolin Tsai

2009-05-07T07:08:00.000+08:00

Yan shen kong bai,xin qing xian de bu hao bu huai
Ni zong shi ai shua mo nai,gan qing shi jie yi pian kong bai
Oh ni de ai,dou zai deng dai mei ren qing lai
Xiang teng ge nu hai,chu fei fa sheng yi wai

Mei you ren shuo ni bu shuai,cai pai
Lao tian kuai ti ni an pai,zhun bei bi sai
Chi zao kuai zhao dao zhen ai,bu lai
Dang ta xiang ni zou guo lai,bie zai fa bai,ba ai fang chu lai

Shake it,mama,shake it
Bu bi kai chang bai
Shake it,mama,shake it
U got to see it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Kai chu le wang pai
Shake it,mama,shake it

Wo nan guai,ji mo nan nai rong yi zuo guai
Jiu shui yuan fen bu lai,jue dui bu neng cheng ren shi bai
Shi kuai kan kai,zi wo cui mian zi wo jiao dai
Zhe shun jian zou de kuai,ni bu neng lao shi zai zhuang kuang wai

Mei you ren shuo ni bu shuai,kuai kuai
Lao tian hui ti ni an pai,zhun bei bi sai
Chi zao kuai zhao dao zhen ai,bu ai
Dang ta xiang ni zou guo lai,bie zai fa ai,ba ai fang chu lai

Shake it,mama,shake it
Bu bi kai chang bai
Shake it,mama,shake it
U got to see it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Kai chu liao wang pai
Shake it,mama,shake it
Hey o
Shake it,mama,shake it
Ba shou ju qi lai
Shake it,mama,shake it
U got to see it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Gen zhe ai yao bai
Shake it,mama,shake it

Tong tong shan kai,zhen ming tian zi huan ni lai
Shei bi ni li hai,xiang shou gu dan bu ying gai
Zhe yi ci rang ni zhuai

Qing ni kan zhe wo de eyes
Wei yi ji hui zai tonight
Jiu deng jian dan nei gou hi
Oww oww oww oww

Mei you shi me jiao zuo why
Xing fu kao ni zi ji try
Dan xiao de ren zhi hao cry
Ni yong yuan zai zhuang kuang wai

Zhe shi lao tian gei de sigh
Wei ni dian le yi dian light
Kuai lai le jie wo de mind
Oww oww oww oww

Wei ni zhuang dan deng ni fight
Yong gan qiu ai that’s right
Zhen ming tian zi don’t be shy
Deng ni deng ni gen wo shuo ai

Shake it,mama,shake it
Shake it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Oh,shake it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Gotta see you shake it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Hey o

The Best Lover- Show Luo Zhi Xiang ft Dee Hsu

2009-05-07T07:05:00.000+08:00

English Translation:

(Together) Hey you, it’s you. Come in to my arms
Don’t pretend that you don’t care. It’s obvious that your heart opened up
So baby. It’s you. Please don’t hesitate
We’re playing a game called L O V E

(Dee) I’ll give you a minute, if you’re still not touched then
you’re a loser, no matter how cool you pretend to be

(Show) baby you won’t understand, I meant for you to get nervous
I have no opponents in love, but she’s very impatient at waiting

(Together) hey you. It’s you. Come in to my arms
Don’t pretend that you don’t care. It’s obvious that your heart opened up
So baby. It’s you. Please don’t hesitate
We’re playing a game called L O V E

Yeah. Yes I do

(Show) the looks in your eyes doesn’t matter. You seem to have an attitude yet not
you will follow me on the road of love

(Dee) how good are you. Playing this boring trick
the pigs I have seem, were perfect to the degree. Come on

(Together) hey you. It’s you. Come in to my arms
don’t pretend you don’t care. I might like you already
so baby. It’s you. Say you’re very happy
I like you a little. Like you a little bit

(Rap) haha love is a (ya) relationship
it lets everything around me become a machine for love
whoever sees you, even the best man will lose
ya, why is it you. I’m thinking. ha

(Show) why do I like you. I already like you. yeah

(Dee) you’re so cute so won’t you come to me
a pighead is the only one who would keep on playing the game, playing tricks

(Together) baby, it’s you. Please come into my arms
don’t pretend you don’t care. I think I like you
so baby. It’s you, please say you do too
I’ve always liked you, always liked you

(together) baby. It’s you. Please come in to my arms
don’t pretend you don’t care. I think I like you
so baby. It’s you. Please say you do too
I like you very very much. Like you very very much
(show) like you very much…

Lian Ai Da Ren- Show Luo Zhi Xiang ft Dee Hsu

2009-05-07T07:02:00.002+08:00

Together: HEY YOU jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Ni ming ming dong le xin
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing bu yao zai you yu
Wo men wan ge you xi (YEAH)
Jiao L.O.V.E.

Xiao S: Gei ni yi fen zhong
Ruo hai bu xin dong
Ni jiu shi mei zhong
Zhuang zai ku ye zhi dao mei yong

Show: BABY ni bu hui dong
Wo jiu shi yao ni xin ji
Wo lian ai wu di
Ke shi ta deng de hen ji
COME ON

Together: HEY YOU jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Ni ming ming dong le xin
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing bu yao zai you yu
Wo men wan ge you xi
Jiao L.O.V.E.

Xiao S: THAT'S RIGHT
Show: YEAH YES I DO

Show: Yan shen bu neng zai hu
Tai du ruo you si wu
Ni zi ran jiu hui
Gen wo zou
Qing chang lu

Xiao S: Ni dao di xing bu xing
Jing wan wu liao de zhao shu
Wo kan guo de zhu
Ke shi da ren de cheng du
COME ON

Together: HEY YOU jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Be jia zhuang bu zai yi
Wo ke neng xi huan ni
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing shuo ni hen kai xin
Wo you dian xi huan ni
You dian xi huan ni

Show: HA HA
Ai shi ge YA guan xi
Ta rang wo de shen bian
Cheng le tan lian ai de ji qi
Shui yu jian ni
Lian da ren ye hui ren shu
YA wei shen me shi ni
Wo zhi xiang wen
Wei shen me xi huan ni
Wo yi xi huan ni

Xiao S: YOU'RE SO CUTE
SO WON'T YOU COME TO ME
Zhu tou cai hui yi zhi wan you xi
Shua xin ji

Together: BABY jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Wo xiang wo xi huan ni
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing shuo ni ye yuan yi
Wo yi zhi xi huan ni
Yi zhi xi huan ni

Together: BABY jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Wo xiang wo xi huan ni
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing shuo ni ye yuan yi
Wo fei chang xi huan ni
Fei chang xi huan ni
Fei chang xi huan ni

Ayoko na..

2009-03-24T13:58:00.002+08:00

Ewan ko ba, minsan kc ang tanga ko nalang din..

patuloy pa din ako. Sige pa din ng sige..

Madami nagsasabi matalino ako. Magaling ako. Kakauba akong magtrabaho. At success ang lahat ng kinacareer ko..

Badtrip, anong hold mo sa'kin? Nagagawa mo 'kong gawing tanga. Nagpapakatanga ako sa'yo..

Ayoko na talaga eh..

Pwede na sigurong tumigil..

Ayoko na din makarinig ng tungkol sa'yo..

Ayoko na makaisip ng kahit ano pa..

AYOKO NA!!!!!

Anu ba dapat?

2009-03-22T02:02:00.003+08:00

Napansin kong masaya sya nung mga nakakaraang araw, bakit kaya? At nung huwebes nabasa ko sa plurk message nya, confused sya, bakit? Biyernes, nakita ko yung mga comment nya, ayun na, inlove na nga sya..

Sa wakas, inlove na sya. Pero kanino? Masaya ako para sa puso nya. Masarap kasi ang pakiramdam ng naiinlove. Ang gaan sa pakiramdam.

Pero, hindi ko alam kung magiging masaya ba ako, kung okay lang ba ako? Kasi nman, sa itinagal ng panahon, sya lang ang nakita ng mata ko. Sya lang yung naramdaman ng puso ko, sya lang yung hinangad ko..

Hinfi ko na alam ang dapat ko maramdaman. At sa itinagal tagal ng panahon, ngayon lang ako napamura ulit. Nabasa ko, masaya sya. Hmm.. masaya pala sya, wlang dapat ikalungkot, sabi ko.

Masaya ako dahil nagmamahal na sya ulit, malungkot ako dahil nagkataong hindi ako ang minamahal nya..

You'll always be..

2009-02-25T02:03:00.004+08:00

These past days,my post were about my love. How much I love him and why I love him. I've been always thinking of the things that I'm saying. Maybe I have done too much. I have exaggerated the description but it's the same thing.

These past days, I've been thinking about myself. If I am still happy. If I can still endure the pain. And I found out that,I can no longer go any farther. I can no longer pursue this feeling, this passion, this hope for I am too weak. I am tired.

Over the duration of the camp, I realized that I needed time for myself. I needed time to think about myself, to love myself and to be one with my own mind again.

I think I'm overdoing the love show that I forgot to love whom I should first love.

I decided not to look at him 'cause he's so dazzling and I'm afraid he'll blind me. I decided not to talk to him, good thing he, also refuses to talk to me. I will delete his phone number. I know he exist, but I'll pretend he doesn't for my heart.

In 3 months, he'll be out of the school. Out of my life and I hope, out of my heart as well. This has been the most tiring and painful three years yet greatest years in my life.

I already gave him the gifts I wanted him to receive. The butterfly has also died. And I think, this is the time for my heart to retire.

I still know that I will always love him.

I Love My Hearthrob Love..

2009-02-20T22:50:00.003+08:00

You belong with me..
Have you ever thought just maybe..
You belong with me..
you belong with me..

I was wondering, how was I suppose to endure this pain brought by rejection for the whole of my college life (2 and half years to be exact)?

I know I love him. I can feel it. I chose to. The thing is, he knows that I am madly inlove with him yet he refuses to acknowledge it or take notice of it. And I'm so damn foolish to still love him, to still look at him with so much adoration. And it sucks that my love, since it started, has never failed to take notice of his excellence, of his greatness, of his undying devotion to God and his admirable principles towards how the life should be lived. My eyes, since it first rested upon him, has never failed to look at him with awe, that such marvelous person has been created.

I don't worship him though.. For goodness sake, God is God and he is man. I just see in him the awesome glory of God. So much glory of the Good Lord has been manifested into this man that made my heart fall for him and love him more as if I haven't felt a single ounce of pain.

I will always love him. I learned from a great brother, kuya ronnel, that love should only be given once. Once you have given it, love the person even he/she is not your destiny. I know for a fact that my love is the one I'm going to love for the rest of my life and destined or not, I will always love him..

Hindi nman din kc ako nagmamadali..

2009-02-20T00:03:00.004+08:00

Nagpunta ko sa school para maexperience naman ang isang araw na campus tour na wlang iniisip na klase sa gabi..

Nasa jeep na ko nung maalala ko na naiwanan ko pla yung ID ko.. shocks.. anyway, diretso pa dn ako.. As always, baba ako kalentong, sakay ng jeep papuntang teresa..
dumaan ako sa boarding house ni teejhey kc andun si kim at teng at pra humiram na dn ng regi..

Pagdating sa skul, aba ang konti ng tao.. tapos wla man lng pumapasok sa booth namin.. anu ba yan, prang tambayan lang dn.. tapos nag-Power Pakain na. 200 pieces lang ng tuna sandwiches yung pinamigay namin.. Enjoy sna, kaso bitin..

Tapos hntay nlng gumabi, wla tlga lumalapit.. Sinundo na nmin yung mga tga beda, eh ayaw sila papasukin ng ate na guard kc wla daw kmi letter.. Balik si TOSH sa white house pra sbhn kina bosmarc na ayaw sila papasukin. pagbalik nya ksma nya si hearthrob. Hindi ko namukhaan pero nakasimangot ako, alam ko.. Buti nlng hnd ako nakangiti dahil bka icpin nya, wla lng tlga yung selos ko.. Sobra ko tinamaan dun..

Anyway, napagusapan na sa CEA nlng daw. Nagtanong si Nash kung sasakay daw ba ng trike o lalakad, sabi ko, trike na pra hindi magtagal, sabay irap dahil nakatingin na2man si hearthrob.

Eh eto pa, so huli akong sister na pinasakay. Sa backride ako dahil sa loob ang beda. Eh tinamaan ng magaling, katabi ko pa si hearthrob sa backride, kung mamalasin ka nga nman, masama na nga loob mo, makakatabi mo pa yung dahilan.

Sige, keribels lang.. Pagdating dun sa cea, dedma ulit. So hintay hintay muna ng mga tao, eh andun sya sa tabi ko eh, pinili nya yun.

So worship na.. Ang alam ko katabi ko si jhong eh.. Aba nawala, at katabi ko na2man si hearthrob.. Hiya nman daw ako dahil maganda boses nya.. Pero keribels pa din dahil All for God's greater glory nman ito.. pagkatapos, andyan ka pa dn sa tabi ko? Bakit?

Meeting na, dun sya sa pole na katapat ko, haharangan mo ko hearthrob? pinaayos ko laptop bag ni Chriz brown pra makausog ako ng konti at makita si king at danica.. O sya, tumabi nman daw sya kay danica. Tumayo si chriz brown at nagreport ng committee nya, tabi nman daw ako kay nash with matching taas ng isang paa.. Eh bakit tumabi ka ulit hearthrob?

So meeting meeting.. at natapos..

Eto ang masaya, nakasabay ko na ulit si bosmarc umuwi.. Yehey for that..:) At may bago kong love, si TOSH.. Mahal kita TOSH.. I honor you..

Bitter pa din ako db?

Sabi ko nmga sa plurk,"hindi ako maniniwala hanggat hindi mo sinasabi.. hindi ako mag-aassume hanggat hindi ka nagsalita.."

First Time Selos Experience..

2009-02-19T01:03:00.004+08:00

February 17, 2009

First time ko magselos sa ibang babae ng dahil kay hearthrob..

Pero bago yun, kwento ko muna ang masayang first day ko ng campus tour (second day na yun dahil wla akong pasok nung monday).

Ayun, hnd ako nakapasok ng World Literature ko kc may ginawa ako na akala ko ipapasa that day, so pagpasok ko, wla pa yung booth sa white house. diretso ko sa unyon, andun si danica, orange, baby greys, mama rose, at yza.

so set up na, tapos ng math of investment ko, baba na2man ako kc wlang E-Global Marketing. Andun nanaman si mama rose na nakasabay kong umakyat sa 6th floor dahil may klase, tapos wla pla. Nagyaya si Abi sa TIP dahil may mahalaga daw syang isasauli kay Ate Tin. Eh wala, andun lang si Ate Claire at Rm.

So ayun, balik sa school, at na-ambush ako ni Meg. Sharer daw ako sa talk 4 ng youth cam training. OO nman ako kc opportunity yun pra magglorify ko si God. Though hnd ko tlga alam kung pano iseshare ang experience ko.

Everday may worship after ng closing ng booth. Tapos,ayan, bago magstart, dumating si hearthrob.. Awkward ang feeling kc nababasa nya ang mga plurk ko at malamang nabasa na nya ang blog ko, pero keribels pa dn kasi totoo naman tlga yung mga sinusulat ko dito at yun ang nararamdaman ko.

Anyways, so talk na. Yehey for that kasi si Kuya Epoy ang nagtalk.♥ At nasa bandang likuran ko lang si hearthrob, kamusta nman ang pinaka-awkward na feeling. Kinig kinig na kami lahat.

Sharing na, anu ba yan si kuya epoy, kasinungalingan ang introduction (peace), ayan, sabi ni Bosmarc andun daw si Sir Doyle.. OH NOS! andun ang household head ko.. Ano nlng iicpin nya dun sa introduction. Tapos na sharing, glory to God. Tapos na din YCT.

So eto na, kakain daw si kuya epoy at hearthrob, sma daw ako.. OH NOS! Ano ko epal dun? So cnma ko si bestfriend teejhay, eh ayun nman pla ksma dn si Meg, so okay na.. Happy kc madami kami.

Noodle House daw sa may Albina, sige, chicken and beef mami. Ayan na, eto na si ate na ewan. Sabi ni hearthrob ayaw nya ng bawang. Dumating na yung order ni kuya epoy, MEg, teejay at akin tapos yung salted egg ni hearthrob, pero iba yung nagserve. Eto na, dumating si ateng nagpapacute na dala yung beef mami ni hearthrob na punung puno ng bawang.. What Duh?! Hindi sya nakaintindi.. So todo sorry sya kay hearthrob..

Hooray to kuya epoy!♥ Dinepensahan nya ko, sabi nya, "Ate, kapag sinabi ni hearthrob na okay na, okay na," with matching amba ng tusok ng tinidor *kung ako yun bka tinamaan ko pa yung ate dahil malapit sya skin). So kunwari nageenjoy ako sa asaran kuno kay hearthrob, what duh, mananapak na kaya ako!! Tapos ang alat pa nung mami.. What duh tlga!!! SO habang kumakain, kumakanta pa ever si ateng nagpapacute, eh hello ate, serenata kaya yang kinakantahan mo!CHE!

So tapos na kami kumain, at sa asar ko, nauna ko lumabas, at nsa pinto pa si ate. Nako, Kate, kalma kalma, bka mawalan ka ng kontrol (bibigwasan ko 'to). AT eto na, hindi na nakatiis si ate, "Kuya,crush kita, kain ka ulit dito ah,".. WHAT DUH!!!! Suntukan nlng o ano.. At kinawayan pa ni hearthrob.. ARGH!!! Paasa ka boy! hindi makakatulog yun!

So parting ways na daw, sa kabila si teejhay at meg, ksma si hearthrob, Waah, kay ate na hnd mo kilala kumaway ka, tapos skn na kaibigan mo hnd ka man lang nagpaalam, WHAT DUH?!?! *sniff sniff*

*clap clap& to kuya epoy kc hinatid nya ko sa sakayan ng jeep. pero nagkwentuhan muna tungkol sa nangyari. Napancn nya na hnd ako kalmado at nanginginig ako. "Eh kasi nman kuya epoy, bakit kelangan nya kumaway pa, at bakit nman kc nagpapacute pa sya, at bakit nman kc lumalandi (sorry for the term) yung ate?!!!?" WHAT DUH!?

Kung kelan tinanggap ko na na hindi na tlga.. Kung kelan handa na ko magsimula ulit, naun pa ko inatake ng bonggang bonggang selos..

ee.. wla ako karapatan na magselos kasi hnd kita GG, pero bongga tlga, selos as in.. Na-suffocate ako ng bongga dun, pramis.

At pagdating ko sa bhay, ang sakit ng ulo ko, dedz ako agad pagdating.. Hindi nacomprehend ng utak ko ang mga pangyayari. Kaya ngaun lang ako nag-blog eh.. Hanggang ngaun hindi pa din ako makaget-over..

The Road Not Taken

2009-02-17T10:14:00.002+08:00

Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Someday..

2009-02-16T13:51:00.003+08:00

I'll let you go for now,
But it doesn't mean
That I don't love you any more..

I'm just thinking
of what might happen,

maybe tomorrow..

someday..

in the time that we both don't expect

we'll meet

and

maybe..

just maybe..

it would be OUR time..

Question I chose to dwell into..

2009-02-16T02:20:00.004+08:00

I've been really busy these months, I haven't had the time to update my blog. The posts were cross-posted from my multiply.

I really wanted to blog about certain things. Things that keeps bugging my mind for some years now.. I don't know I still feel that there are still no answers to this things yet I insist to dwell on it..

The question of identity was always there. Was I really being myself? Was I performing things the way I wanted it to be?

And there is also the question of faith. Am I faithful? Am I loyal to my God?

The ultimate question was for love. Do I really love Heartthrob? What are the chances that we would end up together (because I prayed for it)? Is he the 'it' for me?

I'll be sharing one of our YM conversations and the short story that he had posted..

Tuesday, 9 October, 2001
Heartthrob is busy (1:11 PM) - tonight i write
katrina (1:11 PM): may blog ka pla?
Heartthrob (1:11 PM): huh?
Heartthrob (1:11 PM): where?
katrina (1:12 PM): joke lng.. kinabahan ka?
Heartthrob (1:12 PM): nah, not really
katrina (1:12 PM): anong sinusulat mo?
Heartthrob (1:13 PM): an artic for jru's newsletter
Heartthrob (1:13 PM): my students asked me to write one
katrina (1:13 PM): ooh.. what about?
Heartthrob(1:16 PM): stuff
Heartthrob (1:16 PM): about my stay and everything
katrina (1:17 PM): hanggang kelan ka ba dun?
Heartthrob(1:17 PM): 'til end of feb
katrina (1:17 PM): ilang hours pt nyo?
Heartthrob (1:19 PM): 300
Heartthrob (1:19 PM): haha
katrina (1:20 PM): patapos na?
katrina (1:20 PM): parang ang bilis..
katrina (1:21 PM): ilang hours a day?
Heartthrob (1:21 PM): tagal nga e
Heartthrob (1:21 PM): officially, 5 hours 20 mins lng ako in a day
katrina (1:22 PM): ah.. akala ko from morning till afternoon ka..
Heartthrob (1:22 PM): oo nga
Heartthrob (1:22 PM): from 7am to 5pm
Heartthrob (1:23 PM): but my official time inside the classroom is just 5.20
Heartthrob(1:23 PM): bale 5hrs40mins break ko
katrina (1:23 PM): sayang yung 5 hrs..
katrina (1:24 PM): sa JRU ka lang nun?
Heartthrob (1:26 PM): madalas
Heartthrob(1:26 PM): bonding with classmates/students
Heartthrob (1:26 PM): sometimes i go to pup
katrina (1:27 PM): so afternoon tlga mga classes mo?
katrina (1:27 PM): i mean sa JRU?
Heartthrob (1:28 PM): no, i have classes at 7am
katrina (1:28 PM): till?
Heartthrob (1:28 PM): 5pm
katrina (1:28 PM): your sched sucks..
Heartthrob (1:34 PM): yah, i know
Heartthrob(1:34 PM): it's because on tuesdays and fridays, i have classes on pup
Heartthrob(1:34 PM): 10:30 to 1:30
Heartthrob (1:35 PM): so they gave me that 4hr break from 9:40 to 1:40
katrina (1:36 PM): eh bakit nakikita kita kpag monday?
Heartthrob(1:36 PM): coz sometimes i go to pup on my break
Heartthrob (1:37 PM): especially on my earlier ojt days
Heartthrob (1:37 PM): i'm not close to my students yet
Heartthrob(1:37 PM): so i have noone to talk to
Heartthrob (1:37 PM): my classmates & i have different scheds
Heartthrob (1:37 PM): and we don't match
katrina (1:38 PM): kpag gabi? nakita kita ng mga ilang mondays sa school..
katrina (1:38 PM): 9pm na ata yun..
Heartthrob(1:39 PM): ah, i have classes at night sa pup
katrina (1:40 PM): ooh.. that explains it..
katrina (1:41 PM): so kamusta ang pagtuturo?
Heartthrob (1:43 PM): masaya naman
Heartthrob(1:43 PM): i enjoy it a lot
katrina (1:43 PM): so go kna magteacher pag graduate?
Heartthrob (1:44 PM): not really
Heartthrob(1:44 PM): we'll see
katrina (1:45 PM): bakit may iba ka pa bang gustong job?
katrina (2:16 PM): ganda nug mga stories..

it was always me that started the conversation and also that was left hanging..

How to install LOVE? from kuya ronnel fastidio

2009-02-10T18:41:00.000+08:00

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

Customer Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.Is it okay to install while they are running?

Customer Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

Customer Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Customer Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Customer Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Customer Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

Customer Service Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?

Customer Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before It can "LOVE"others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Customer Service Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Customer Service Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Customer Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, EALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

Customer Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

Customer Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

well well well...lupet di ba? and kahit magkavirus pa, you can always reinstall LOVE....lalalalalala

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

2009-02-05T21:11:00.000+08:00

(1)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4 )Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5)Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8)Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F* YOU!

(9)Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3

I don't want you to go..

2009-02-02T07:36:00.000+08:00

Here I am
alone and I don’t understand
exactly how it all began
the dream just walked away
I’m holding on
when all but the passion’s gone

[chorus]
And from the start
maybe I was tryin’ to hard
it’s crazy coz it’s breakin’ my heart
things can fall apart but I know,
that I don’t want you to go

And heroes die,
when they ignore the cause inside
but they learn from what’s left behind
and fight for something else
And so it goes
that we have both learned how to grow

[chorus]
And from the start
maybe we were tryin’ to hard
it’s crazy coz it’s breakin’ our hearts
things can fall apart but I know,
that I don’t want you to go

Oh it’s just too much
takin’ all the whole world all by myself
but it’s not enough
unless I stop trusting somebody else,
somebody else
and love again

[chorus]
And from the start
maybe we were tryin’ to hard
it’s crazy coz it’s breakin’ our hearts
things can fall apart but I know,
that I don’t want you to go

maybe we were tryin’ to hard
it’s crazy coz it’s breakin’ our hearts
things can fall apart but I know,
that I don’t want you to go

Breakdown

2009-01-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

Matagal tagal ko na 'tong hinahanap.. paborito namin 'to ng kuya ko.. namimiss ko sya.. Dahil siguro sa bigat ng dibdib ko pero hnd ko nman tlga maiiyak nung mga nakakaraang araw, parang gusto ko nalang tlgang magbreakdown.. Gusto kong umiyak ng umiyak muna pra maging magaan ang dibdib ko.. hnd ko na kcnapapancn kung paano nagiging okay ang mga bgay bgay sa buhay ko tapos biglang babalik..

BREAKDOWN (Mariah Carey)

break break down
still it breakin' me on down
break break down
still it bring me on down
break break down
still it breakin' me on down
break break down
still it breakin' me on down.
Verse 1

mariah: you called yesterday to basically say
that you care for me but that you're just not in love
immediately i pretended to be feeling similarily
and led you to believe i was o.k
to just walk away from the one thing
that's unyielding and sacred to me
CHORUS

well i guess i'm trying not to be nonchalant about it
and i'm going to extremes to prove i'm fine without you
but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind
underneath the guise of smile gradually i'm dying inside
friends ask me how i feel and i lie convincingly
cuz i don't want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering
so i wear my disguise til i go home at night
and i turn down all the lights and then i break down and cry
Verse 2

mariah: so what do you do when somebody so devoted to
suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
of the pain that rejection is putting you through
do you cling to your pride and sing "i will survive"
(gotta get control, roll, roll, roll on) 4X
do you hold on in vain as they as they just slip away
CHORUS

well i guess i'm trying not to be nonchalant about it
and i'm going to extremes to prove i'm fine without you
but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind
underneath the guise of smile gradually i'm dying inside
friends ask me how i feel and i lie convincingly
cuz i don't want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering
so i wear my disguise til i go home at night
and i turn down all the lights and then i break down and cry
Interlude

Wish: yeah, c' mon, yeah, c' mon, c' mon
break break break down
roll roll roll on
still it breakin' me on down
roll roll roll on
break break break down
roll roll roll on
still it breakin' me on down
Bridge

Wish: better break it down
only if you let it
everyday the situation is rockin' my mind
tryin' to break me down
but i won't let it
forget it ( forget it)

Krayzie: i'll be feelin' like it gonna break me down
turnin' me around
stressin' me out
i'm thinkin it gonna get out
and let me
release some stress ( stress )

Wish: don't ever wanna feel no pain ( pain )
hoping for the sun
but it looks like rain ( rain, rain, rain )
oh, i just wanna maintain

Krayzie: yeah, i'm feelin' precious, yo
but never the less
krayzie won't fall
so-ber, is headin' near ( near )
CHORUS

well i guess i'm trying not to be nonchalant about it
and i'm going to extremes to prove i'm fine without you
but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind
underneath the guise of smile gradually i'm dying inside
friends ask me how i feel and i lie convincingly
cuz i don't want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering
so i wear my disguise til i go home at night
and i turn down the lights and then i break down and cry
Repeat 2X

( break break down... down until fade )

Central B Sector Kasangga

2009-01-08T09:36:00.000+08:00

A first for this year!

Venue: Magdalena Chapel(1 tricycle ride from pasig palengke)

Attendees:
Community Based- chapter heads, cluster heads, program heads
Campus Based- Core, MV's and program heads
High School Based- Core, HPV's, and program heads
Torch- Household Heads and program heads
SIGA- Core and program heads
Ycom- Crew and program heads
KFC-Cluster kuya's and ate's, program heads

Joyce ann capagcuan's new multiply site..

2009-01-05T19:15:00.000+08:00

Hi friends! sa mga nakakakilala kay joyce ann capagcuan ng YFCPUP,Believe Dance Company dancer, May bago na sya multiply site. www.bubblecoffee.multiply.com
add her up..:)

BUO..

2009-01-01T16:11:00.000+08:00

Bakit ka pa NAGMAHAL kung hindi rin lang BUO?

sabi sa I Love Betty knna.. tama nga nman noh.. nagmahal ka pa eh konti lang.. mas mabuti pa yung hindi mo nlng minahal, may tendency kc na mawala yung pagmamahal na yun kung konti lang.. buti nlng BUO ang pagmamahal ng DIYOS.. Ikaw ba, buo dn magmahal?

BUO..

2009-01-01T16:10:00.000+08:00

Bakit ka pa MAGMAHAL kung hindi rin lang BUO?

sabi sa I Love Betty knna.. tama nga nman noh.. nagmahal ka pa eh konti lang.. mas mabuti pa yung hindi mo nlng minahal, may tendency kc na mawala yung pagmamahal na yun kung konti lang.. buti nlng BUO ang pagmamahal ng DIYOS.. Ikaw ba, buo dn magmahal?

More L O V E for 2009..

2008-12-31T21:33:00.000+08:00

A few days before 2008 ends, I was having an emotional breakdown (?).. I'm thinking about a lot of things. It did overcome my sanity and all I did was to mourn and mourn and grieve and rant.

I said in my previous blog that I can't feel peoples' love to me (or so I implied).. I doubted everybody's love for me, their sincerity, their trust. I mourned. I cried. I grieved. And the other night, I went really crazy about it. I can't really figure out what was really happening to me. I can't put into words what on earth were running in my mind that's really bugging me.

But, praise God, I was able to pick myself up and put some sense into what's really happening me. Thanks to my ever bright household head, KC, I was able to track down where all my doubts came from. I would also want to thank JIll, her blog said everything that I was going through only that I forgot to thank the Lord for everything that I was going through.

After knowing what I felt (thought of, cried about, ranted upon), here's my new year's resolution. This year, I will work on re-opening my heart to all the people (loving or unloving) so that I can feel their hearts more and also, so that they can feel the overflowing love that I have for them, especially the people closer to me.

More LOVE for 2009!!! (quoted from kakay)

Saan ba?

2008-12-29T21:24:00.000+08:00

Nakakamiss yung ako. Nakakamiss yung bumalik sa katinuan o yung maging ako lang. Ang dami ko na nakalimutan, ang dami ko na mali, ang dami ko na gusto, ang dami ko nglihim, at ang dami ko hindi nagagawa.

Plano ako ng plano. Isip ako ng isip. Wala naman ako nagagawa. Wala naman ako natatapos. Wala din ako magawa para maging maayos ako. Palagi nalang ako nagmamarunong. Palagi nalang nagkukunwari. palagi nalang nagmamakaawa.

Palagi nalang ayaw ng mga tao sa akin. Palagi nalang akong mali. Palagi nalang ako nageeffort magustuhan ng mga tao. Hindi tumatagal ang friendship. Ang closeness. Palagi nalang ako may kaaway. Palagi nalang naiilang sa akin. Walang instance na wala akong makakasamaan ng loob kapag nagsimula na akong maging totoo sa kanila.

Ako yung may problema? Sino ang totoong nakakakilala sa akin? Ano ang dapat kong maging ugali?

Sana sabihin ng mga tao kung anong mali? Saan ako mali? Bakit ako mali? Sana sa una palang sabihin na, na ayaw nila sa akin. Ayoko ng in difference. Ayoko mag-isa. Ayoko umasa. Nawawalan ako ng tiwala sa sarili.

Anong nakakainis? Anong mali? Anong gusto?

My Memory..

2008-12-10T17:38:00.000+08:00

My memory.. At that moment I remembered it all
When I see those memories they seem so small..
You're far away in a place that I can't reach
I can't wait for these words of love to be said

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever...

For a long time you've been in my heart
Much time passes and still you're far away, but I will stay alive

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever...

Love is a choice..

2008-12-09T17:58:00.000+08:00

I was at the middle of my nightly rituals last night when I received an unexpected text message that caused me not to sleep until now..

Mommy (that's how she calls me), if you said love is a matter of choice, why did you choose Daddy(that's how she calls him now secretly)?

I was totally astonished and at the verge of freaking out at that moment..

How the hell am I going to answer that?

It's true, for me, love is a choice.

Choice, not to look at anyone except him..

Choice, not to despise him..

Choice, not to look at your differences..

Choice. It's all about choices.

I'm at a point of loving someone who doesn't love me back. Wherein every time I see him, all my promises of never loving him again fades. Even if there are others who wish they have my heart, I still chose him.

It's a matter of choice.

I chose him. My heart

Chose him.

I don't want any other.

My heart will be forever his.

And if he's not the man that God prepared for me, I will forever love him still.

He might not be my first love, but he is my one true heartthrob love.

Ayoko na mag-blog..

2008-10-27T07:21:00.000+08:00

Ayoko na magblog, last na 'to..
Announcement lang..

Ayoko na mag-blog ng wlang kwenta..
Ng mga drama, ng mga problema..

Madami nman ako kaibigan..
pwede nman ako magkwento sa knla..
sumasagot pa..

Ayoko na magblog..
Last na..

Metrocon na!!!

2008-10-17T08:24:00.000+08:00

ano b nmn yan?!
pupunta ka ng metrocon?
tapos hindi ka aatend ng workshops?

e kung sbihin q saung mas mabangis n ung mga workshops dis tym?? we kol it personalized workshops...hindi na per program pro kung san ang hilig ng puso mu...

di ka nmn cguro ngbayad ng reg at dumayo pa sa CAVSU para lhan mamasyal o kya mgstay sa accomodations db?

sulitin mu n!mgsama kp!NONSTOP tau db!?

isa n sa mga workshops...at ibibida q n...is the SONG WRITING workshop...lhat ng workshops will happen sbaysbay ng 3to5pm ng oct25...venues will all be within the metrocon site dn naman...

d ka mgaling sa gnyan?
anu nmn?mgwoworkshop kpb kung mgaling kn?...cge n...pagkalat mu n...

Through the Rapists' eyes..

2008-10-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

Forwarded by Jim Paredes of Ateneo69.

Jim Paredes wrote: Katipunan , QC incident

Dear friends,

Many of you may not have heard of the incident that happened to a friend of my son last week at about 6:30 pm right in front of the thickly-populated area of BPI-Katipunan, near shoppersville. she parked her car right in front of BPI to make a withdrawal and to do some groceries.

As she was getting into her car after doing her chores, a man suddenly appeared beside her and tried to bully her into moving to the passenger seat. when she pressed her car horn to call attention, he pushed her in the car and pinned her down with his elbow on her neck. it was a good thing that she had the presence of mind to continue to struggle and press on her car horn to catch attention (even if she had to use her foot to do this) Her assailant even tried to make people believe that it was a domestic matter by telling the crowd not to get involved as it was a 'private matter'. But with the onlookers multiplying by the second, her assailant finally gave up and ran that was when she stood up and shouted for help. Thank God the guy got caught and is now under police custody.

Last saturday, during the inquest, she told me that what gave her the guts to fight her assailant was the article 'THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYES' forwarded to our e-groups! about a week prior to her attack. I am re-forwarding the article (you can find it at the bottom of this (e-mail) for everyone's benefit. please tell your friends, family, and loved ones about this. It works. may i just add that to a certain extent, we have to get ourselves involved if we see violence being committed on anyone like calling on a security guard or a police officer even if it appears to be a domestic matter. It seems that a lot of attackers use that tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone, please be very, very careful.

THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG...

FYI
- Through a rapist's eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:=20

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ....

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go 'hmm I must remember that' After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs.

(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.

Jim Paredes
The Maverick

Akala mo hindi kita pinansin, pero namamatay na kong kausapin ka..

2008-10-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

Is it possible to feel the same LOVE that you felt for someone to another someone?

You Again..

2008-10-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

There is something,
I see in you..
It might kill me..
I want it to be true..

I heard about you again, the thought of having me as preference would have stopped the unfathomable ambiance that you have created around us. This let me breathe again. Having me as preference? Choosing among them? Would it sound incredibly great if it was you speaking the unbelievable truth? Truth? It may not be the truth. But still the thought of having you around me, wanting me around you, me being yours, the possibility of building "US", this sounds great. This sounds calming.This is what I want. The thought soothes me. Probably you'll have me and I'll have you in the nearest future. I can only but wait.

Discernment..

2008-10-08T20:15:00.000+08:00

Two days to that deadliest deadline..
It's really getting into my nerves..
What should I choose?
Who will I choose?
I'm dead..

Makiki-YFC survey dn po ako..

2008-10-03T20:08:00.000+08:00

1. Gaano ka na katagal sa yfc?
magpo-4 years na ata..
2. Kelan ka nag-Youth Camp?
Nov 13-14,2004..
3. Saan ka nag-Youth Camp?
Pasig Catholic College..
4. Sino team head and team leader nung nag-camp ka?
Kuya Nino Esguerra and Ate Jikki Mantiquilla (san na ba sila?)
5. Sino Faci mo?
Si karla capco.. osyh ng central b ngaun..:)
6. Saang Sector/Cluster/Chapter ka?
CENTRAL B ako ever since.. B6, na namerge sa B3.. Nung B6, sa MAybunga chapter ako tapos nalipat sa rosario chapter, after magmerge, wla na, tapos Ycom ngaun..:)
7. Ano position mo ngayon sa YFC?
Central B Youth Head :)
8. Favorite Coordinators?
Tito Emil and Tita Cora Millena.. Coords ko nung chapterhead ako ng Rosario.. Sarap ng mga luto ni tita.. Sarap din nila magmahal..
7.First crush mo sa YFC?
Si Ivan Mantiquilla na naging boyfriend ko..:))
8. Theme ng First ILC na na-attendan mo?
Bata pa ko sa YFC, Solo Dios Basta! ILC Subic..
9. Theme ng First RYC/Metrocon na na-attendan mo?
Bata pa nga tlga ko, so sa maputik na Marist.. BELIEVE w/ the candlelights..
10. Favorite slow worship song(s)?
Still
11. Favorite fast worship song(s)?
madaming madaming madami..

12. First YFC shirt?
Nung Rev Up lang naging convenient para skn na bumili ng shirt eh..
13. Favorite RYC/Metrocon?
Believe kc kumple6to b3 dito eh.. Pero sa Rev Up na reunite kmi ulit kht kulang masaya pa dn.. B3 meets B6..
14. Favorite ILC?
ILC Tagaytay.. LOVE ILC.. "Kapag mahal mo ang Diyos mo, hnd ka muna maglalovelife habang nagaaral..
15.Message mo para sa YFC’s?
Godbless.. See you sa Metrocon..:)

You just giving me a headache..

2008-10-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

stop.
being.
so.
dazzlingly.
amazing.

When God Calls. Do we actually leave our families?

2008-10-02T16:12:00.000+08:00

When God Calls. Do we actually leave our families?
Fr. Jboy Gonzales SJ
1 October 2008 St. Therese of the Child Jesus
Job 9, 1-16; Psalm 88; Luke 9, 57-62

I learned the art of letting go when I was a Jesuit novice. Every semester we would transfer from one room to the other, leaving the furniture of the room there. All we have to carry are our basic things. Every time we transfer to a new room, we would decorate and re-arrange the room the way we want it. Sometimes, we get attached to the room perhaps because the location was better --- a good view of the greenery or it was near the common restroom (you don’t have to travel a long way at night)--- or we have decorated it so beautifully. The exercise was called, mutationes. It was supposed to help us get used to being transfered from one mission area, and increase our sense of mobility and availability.

I didn’t know that the Gospel today will have a concrete impact on my life. Letting go was not a matter of rooms, but a matter of ties. Jesus said that if anyone wanted to follow him, he should leave everything behind --- even the burial of one’s kin. My father died when I was a novice, a few months before the Jesuits asked me whether I would like to take my perpetual vows. I was in our remote mission area then, a good five-hour trek to inland Bukidnon, and I heard the news from the radio. But the Jesuits did not take to heart the Gospel’s leaving the family. They bought the tickets for my journey home to Bicol.

Does the Gospel really mean forgetting one’s kin and completely having no care at all to one’s loved one? Job in the first reading lost all of his property and his family despite his being a good and godly man?

My experience tells me to completely forget one’s family is brutal and cruel --- even to missionaries. We have many foreign Jesuits who died here in the Philippines, but have kept in touch with their families abroad. Our families are our lifeline and they are our support system. Jesus’ family and friends where with Him all through His mission. Many missionaries suffer great emotional upheavals when they learn about the misfortunes their families suffered --- a terminal illness, a financial trouble, death and in many cases, natural disasters. If there is one thing that shakes missionaries, whether religious or lay, it is the family. In my case, a large part of the suffering we encounter comes from not being able to support them except perhaps spiritually through prayers and masses. My consolation is in believing that spiritual gifts greatly helps. St. Therese of the Child Jesus is the patron of the missions, but she never left the convent. St. Francis Xavier SJ, is also a patron of the missions, but while he was out into the world, he kept the letters of St. Ignatius and his friends deep in his heart. They never “left” the people they loved.

With these two saints, the Gospel to me becomes clearer and so is the reason why the Jesuits arranged my journey home on that fateful March day in 1990. Discipleship is a matter of the heart: whether one leaves or one stays, a disciple’s heart is open to the future. A heart that welcomes new experiences and trusting they would also encounter God whether they are in the quiet of their room or overseas. It could also mean whether God would like us to try out a new way of evangelization and leave behind an outdated and ineffective way. It is a heart that is ready to go if God wills so, or stay if God wanted us to remain put. We are ready to just bring what we need, and leave anytime, anywhere. This is to me, great availability and mobility. We do have different loves, but the key is whom we love the most.

We now discover a fact. Those who have stable support systems are those who are ready to go wherever they are sent. They felt so much loved by their friends and families that they are so happy to share it to others. When we talk of availability and mobility in mission, we presume that that person experienced God’s love first. His availability and mobility is a response to that overflowing love.

Metro Manila Conference Production Team

2008-10-01T10:29:00.000+08:00

ATTENTION!!

five... six..

5..6..7..8!

Calling all YFC dancer's!
Are you interested in joining the metrocon dance production team? Get up!
Pack your dancing shoes and Stuffs coz training starts on this coming OCTOBER 5, 2008 - SUNDAY!

txt EM at 09057414798
for more details!

we'll see you!
God bless!

YFC LIVE LOUD Praise Concert

2008-09-23T14:36:00.000+08:00

Hello brothers and sisters in Christ,

We all know that singing is twice praying. And we YFC's never back down in giving our praises for the Lord. The YFC LiveLoud Concert 2008 is in its preparation stages, and we guarantee you that this concert will be one big shout out to our Savior.

We would like to inform you that we now have our official multiply site, yfcliveloud.multiply.com, up and running. Moments towards the newest event of YFC history can now be viewed with just one click!

We have been receiving alot of questions regarding the songs that you guys have made. We are truly honored to hear such enthusiast from everyone. In order to make things easier for everyone, we are giving you a NEW PROCESS for submitting your spirit-filled songs. FAST and STRESS FREE. Instead of uploading songs on the multiply site, for easier gathering of songs and security purposes, you can now send your songs to this email address yfcliveloud@yahoo.com.

As soon as we receive your song, we will send you a confirmation email to notify you that we have received your entry. Please make sure that your submitted entry is in mp3 format, together with chords, lyrics, short write-up or explanation of your song, your name, and area.

We can't wait to hear all your praises to our God! Let us all pray together for the success of the first ever YFC LiveLoud Concert!

LIVE in praise to God, LOUD enough for the ends of the world to hear.

Living Loud in Christ,

Goi Villegas

CFCYFC Missionary

+63920-919-2330

+63923-488-1915

Racing furiously..

2008-09-13T18:22:00.000+08:00

Nung thursday night ko pa sna 'to ibblog eh, kaso tinamad ako..

Anyway, ayun,

1st time ko umuwi ng maaga from a ycom meeting.. Usually, I go out with (not actually out kc nsa mall pa dn nman kmi) to eat or play at timezone.

so umuwi kmi ni diane, pagpunta nmin sa pila ng jeep, sobrang haba, baka mauna pa umuwi yung mga ksma namin..

so we preferred to ride a bus coz we're itching to go home..

1st attempt: Nakakita kmi ng free running jeepney papunta sa rosario na hnd dumiretso sa pilahan, so hinabol namin.. We failed, dahil malalaking babae kmi ni diane, hnd kmi kasya (that sucks!)

2nd attempt and a success!

May dumaan ulit, hinabol namin ulit, success, nakasakay kmi.

Sa jeep, may kung anong hangin ang nagbuyo smin pra i-nosebleed ang ibang mga pasahero.. Prang kmi lng yung tao..:))

Then i felt it, yung right thing.. Eto tama 'to, nararamdaman ko na yung ako, kasi nawala. Namiss ko dn siguro si diane, pati yung pagiging mayabang at maging maarte, not mentioning SUPER arte..

3rd attempt: Dpat maghihiwaly na kmi ng jeep, eh prang ayoko pa, so may dumaan na2man, papuntang pasig palengke, hinabol na2man namin, at success.. At ang mga tao, nosebleed ulit..

Namiss ko si Diane, namiss ko maging mayabang, at maarte, SUPEr arte.. Namiss ko din si miko..:))

LAGABLAB Sectorcon!!

2008-09-09T06:09:00.000+08:00

******************************************************************************
The BIGGEST and most awaited event ng taon ng mga YFC-CBians ay nandito na!!!
Ang PINAKAMALUPIT na event ng taon sa balwarte ng PASIG, PATEROS at TAGUIG is just around the corner!!!

***********************************************************************

YFC Central B

presents its

4th SectorConference

entitled

'Lagablab SectorCon'

"We love because God first loved us"
1 John 4:19

September 14 & 21, 2008

Be There!!!

*****************************************************************

Sept 14 - Eusebio HS - where it all began!!!
Sept 21- Pasig Catholic College - Aula Minor - where it will begin again!!!

registration is only P60.00 until September 14 and is P90.00 onwards..
experience the excitement first at hand!!!
See you there!!!
***********************************************************************************
BRING EVERYONE : )
YFC man o HINDI...
this Invitation is for everyone!!! (",)

Isang Maintrigang Buhay- from Nadine Estrella

2008-09-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

Can you answer 50 questions about the
1st person that comes into your mind
right now?

Don’t change the person.

Does he or she have a
boyfriend/girlfriend??
-- meron.:(

How old is the person?
-- turning 20.

Has he/she ever cooked for you?
-- why would he do that?

Is this person older than you?
-- months.

Have you ever kissed this person?
-- wla akong balak.

Are you really close to him/her?'
-- oo ata. dati.

How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
-- everyday and everynight ata. dati.

Do you think he/she will repost this?
-- hnd. busy yun.

Could you live with this person?
-- oo siguro.

Why did you choose this person?
-- pra intriguing.:))

How long have you known this person??
-- a while.

Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
-- oo nman. madalas ata yun, until lately may nangyari.

Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
-- counted ba ang training?

If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
-- we dont live in the same neighborhood, so well, i dunno.

Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
-- i dunno. everything's been crazy when i'm with him.

Do you know everything about this person?
-- not evrything. i think not a bit. he's unpredictable.

Would you date this person’s siblings?
-- only child eh.

Have you ever made something for this person
-- stuff. service eh.

Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
-- though tingin ko kasya, i would never do that.

Have you and your person made up a hand shake?
-- yep.

If it was “freaky friday” would you switch bodies with this person?
-- ay ayoko ata.

Have you ever heard this person sing?
-- hmm. most of the times.

Do you and this person have a saying?
-- eh yung kay doraemon. naaalala ko sya dun eh.

Do you know this person's multiply password?
-- hnd. youtube lng.

Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight or argument?
-- ngaun nga lng eh. indifferent na.

Have you and this person gone clubbing?
-- i don't think we would ever have a chance.

Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
-- hnd. he's unpredictable. pero masayahing bata.

Do you and this person talk a lot?
-- dati.

Do you like this person?
-- a bit.

Have you and this person got into a fight?
-- we are currently indifferent towards each other.

Do you want to go out with this person??
-- given the chances, i would. pero like we used to do with friends.

Do you want to be friends with him/her forever?
-- oo nman. but everything's been crazy lately.

Mag-comment nman please..

Manga-fied me..:D

2008-09-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

Sa wakas nakagawa na din ako ng sarili kong "Manga-me"..

Tagal din bago ko naaccess yung faceyourmanga.com..:))

Kamukha ko ba?:))

"Ang saya saya!" || expression of the day..:D

2008-09-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

Sobra akong nalungkot this past weeks..

May MGA bgay ako iniisip..

Naging dahilan ng lungkot at pagtamlay (hnd halata) ko..

Acads..

Service..

Family..

Lovelife..

Yan yung mga naiisip ko.. Mejo malungkot tlga..

Tapos, namiss ko yung school ko dahil 3 buwan ko na dn cla hnd nabibigyan ng time..

Simula ng maging youth head ako, wla na kong tym pra kay TJ..

Wla na dn ako tym mangamusta sa knla..

At ngayon, sobra kong saya..

Pagdating ko ng school, nakasabay ko si jhong..:)

Pinaganda nya ang simula ng araw ko..

Tapos pagbaba ko sa unyon, andun si jheyzel na matagal ko na talagang hnd nakita (last sem pa)..

Tapos si Victor dumating.. Kwentuhan at kamustahan.. tawanan at biruan.. librehan (ko).. tawanan.. Kwentuhan at kamustahan.. tapos tawanan at tawanan pa ulit..

expression of the day, "Ang saya saya!"

Sobra kong saya.. Sobra ko silang namiss.. Sobra ko silang mahal..

Tapos umattend ako ng prayer meeting nila, dumating si ate iris.. naamiss ko dn sya (hnd lang halata)..

Tapos andun si doyle (osyh ko)..

Basta ang saya saya ko tlga..

Sobra akong narecharge.. Napagaan nila ang loob ko.. Namiss ko tlga sila.. Nainspire ako ulet magmahal dahil sa nagawa nila sa puso ko ngayong araw na 'to..♥

excited na ko makasma sila ulit..♥

Wag ngaun.. Hindi kailangan..

2008-09-04T20:31:00.000+08:00

Plastic!!!! Imposible..

2008-09-02T23:18:00.000+08:00

Isa nga tlga akong plastic.. Sobra.. Plastic sa nararamdaman ko.. Plastic sa mga sinasabi ko.. Plastic sa mga nakakaharap ko..

Nararamdaman ko na sobra na akong nagiging platic sa lahat ng aspeto.. Akala mo okay lang, pero hindi naman tlga..

Nakangiti pero galit.. Okay lang daw, pero inis.. Masaya daw, pero nasasaktan..

Ayoko na sana maging plastic.. Pero ayun lang ang paraan para magmukhang normal ang lahat eh..

Para sa mata ng nakakakita..

Nakukuha ko pang gumamit ng ibang tao para palabasin na ayos lang ako..

imposible

Akala mo hindi ko kaya
Ang iwanan at limutin ka
Akala mo, akala ko
Akala nating dalawa
Tayong dalawa.
Eto ka n naman
Walang alam, walang pakialam
Di mo ba nakikita
Sa 'king mga mata
Hindi ako nasasaktan
Hindi kita kinakailangan
Hindi ako nagdaramdam
IMPOSIBLE!
Pag- ibig mo'y limot ko na
Hindi kita inaalala
Hindi na 'ko aasa pa
IMPOSIBLE!

Ang labo mo naman kausap
Di mo pa ba nakukuha
Hoy, naririnig mo ba ako
Pakiusap, pakiusap naman
Wag ka nang magtanong
Pakinggan mo na lang itong binubulong
Ng puso ko sa puso mo
At hindi itong sinasabi ko woahhh...
Hindi ako nasasaktan
Hindi kita kinakailangan
Hindi ako nagdaramdam
IMPOSIBLE!
Pag- ibig mo'y limot ko na
Hindi kita inaalala
Hindi na 'ko aasa pa
IMPOSIBLE!

Mangyari 'yan
Hinding hindi, hindi mo ba alam
Tanging ikaw lang sa puso ko
Sa isip at gunita ko

Hindi ako nasasaktan
Hindi kita kinakailangan
Hindi ako nagdaramdam
IMPOSIBLE!
Pag- ibig mo'y limot ko na
Hindi kita inaalala
Hindi na 'ko aasa pa
IMPOSIBLE!
Sa bawat araw at gabi
Hinding hindi kita naiisip
Kahit man lang isang saglit
IMPOSIBLE!
Pilitin mang limutin ka
Ngunit Hinding hindi magawa
Paano nga ba magawa
Ang IMPOSIBLE...

IMPOSIBLE...

IMPOSIBLE...

IMPOSIBLE...

Konting mga katanungan lang po mga kaibigan..

2008-08-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

sinong plastik, si joey o si willie?
bakit kung minsan parang mas matalino pa ang aso kesa sa tao?
mayroon pa bang kahulugan ang salitang "pagbabago"?
kailan ba may nanalo sa giyera?
bakit sa amerika walang kapre, manananggal at aswang?
takot din ba sa dilim ang mga bulag?
bakit nakakatakot hanapin ang katotohanan pagdating sa pagkakaron ng Diyos?
mahal kita. mahal mo ba ako?
may gelpren ka pa ba?
alam ba nya ang iyong tunay na halaga?
sigurado ka na bang siya'y irreplaceable?
talaga bang no one can get in the way of what you're feeling?
anung hiwaga mayroon ang panaginip?
bakit nauso pa kasi ang pera?
di mo nakikita, di mo nahahawakan. bakit anlakas ng pwersa ng pagibig?
sino nga ba ang nagdidikta ng moralidad ng tao?
anung kasalanan ng batang isinilang sa pagkakasala?
o death, when will thy sting?
sa papaanong paraan mabubura ang mga gahaman?
hindi ka ba napapagod?
o di kaya'y nagsasawa?
sa ating mga tampuhan?
walang hanggang katapusan?
wo wo wo wo...?

Miss you like crazy..

2008-08-26T21:06:00.000+08:00

Even though its been so long, my love for you keeps going strong

I remember the things that we used to do, a kiss in the rain

Til the sun shined through, Id try to deny it, but Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy, ever since you went away

Every hour of every day, I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do, theres just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes, and it comes as such a sweet surprise

If seeings believing its worth the wait, so hold me and tell me its not too late

Were so good together, were starting forever now, and I miss you like crazy

I miss you like crazy, ever since you went away, every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy, I miss you baby, a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and were there again

Musical interlude

Just one night and well have that magic feeling like we used to do

Hold on tight and whatever comes our way were gonna make it through

If seeings believing its worth the wait, so hold me and tell me its not too late

Were so good together, were starting forever now

And I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do theres just no getting over you

And I miss you (baby), I miss you (baby), all the tender love you gave me

When a feeling gets this strong, you know the real thing come along

And I miss you, I miss you like crazy baby, only youre sweet love

Can save me, I miss you like crazy, a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and were there again,

Miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy

YCOM Academy

2008-08-26T07:36:00.000+08:00

What: YCOM Academy
Where:San Carlos Seminary,Guadalupe,Makati

When: August 31, 2008 (sunday)

Who: All YFC's and non-YFC's

Registration fee: 130 php

puro ayoko..

2008-08-26T02:44:00.001+08:00

parang kc sasabog na ko..

ayoko sa secretariat..

ayoko na sa ycom (not sure)

ayoko kay glen..

ayoko na mag-YFC..

ayoko mastuck lng..

ayoko ng feeling na 'to..:(