I won't fight back..

“Hay gurl, mahalin mo kasi muna yung sarili mo bago ka magmahal ng iba, striking words from a friend. She thinks that I love other people more than I love myself? I really don’t know. Alright, I tend to give a lot of effort in loving others because that’s what I’ve learned, that’s who I am and that’s how I glorify my God.

Maybe in the ordinary world, this kind of love doesn’t exist. Loving with all your heart, still loving while they make you suffer, loving the unlovable, doing what’s right yet still loving is what I’ve learned, is what I’ve grown to do and what I think is the most appropriate thing to do.

I don’t easily freak out. I don’t shout when I am mad. I don’t get mad easily and I forgive even without asking for an apology. This is me. Why can’t they accept it? I don’t want to fight back even if it means that I am weak because for me it’s the most loving way to do.

I often think that it’s not my problem if I and they can’t get along well. There are just people who won’t accept others as who they are, that’s fine with me. I don’t have to fight back just because people can’t get along with me and they just want to become my foes.

I just don’t want to fight back. And besides, fighting back is an inhuman act. It shows that you don’t have any breeding at all. Fighting back means I am affected to what they are doing to me and thus stooping to their low level. I don’t want to be branded as a delinquent. If all the fights should have an equal reaction there won’t be an end to every fight.

This is me. I don’t fight. I don’t get mad easily. I don’t stoop to low levels. But I am sensitive. So whatever problems have with me, I easily detect it. I can feel if they are just faking their friendship with me or not. I think I’m doubtful ever since, I am just hiding the fact by saying I have a big trust on you. But the bigger trust I give you, the bigger is my doubt for you.