There are those things and people that can easily break through you. Sometimes, harsh words from other people you care about. For me, it is my family. It was not easy growing up with a family that looks warm in the outside but is really a breeding ground for perfection, at least that was how I felt. Over the years, I ponder on my childhood and adolescent life. I did not go through what most normal kids went through. As a child, I spent most of my time learning. It was not a problem back then. I like studying and I love reading. I did not know that it would pose as a problem later on. I was not allowed to play in the streets at the early age of 7 and I was not allowed or the thought of bringing friends in the house to play was frowned upon. So eventually, I stopped inviting friends over and just buried myself into my studying and rewarded myself by reading the books I want to read, for leisure. When I was in High School, I was not exactly bullied but I was not also the most favorite person in my batch. I was not also exactly invisible. I was seen but not exactly seen. My interests were not really the same as theirs. Eventually, I become a YFC and spent less time in school than I did before. I got dropped from Pilot section to the Regular section, so I had lesser time in school than usual because I don't have to attend debate classes anymore.. My life revolved around the YFC community even I went through college and cross over - ed to SFC when I was in transition through my last year in YFC.
I was always perceived as strong. At least the people in my circle thinks I am strong. And sometimes, being strong for others or for the things that matter is so exhausting like you just wanted to rest and rely on other people too. Lucky for me, I have learned early in life that the only person you can rely on in this cruel world is yourself and the Lord Sure, you may have your set of true friends and there is also your family. But they really don't know what you really are going through. They know only half of the things that you allow them to know. But the Lord knows everything. You don't need to hold back because He already knows even if you don't say a word. He knows the whole story. Even the things that You do not know that resulted to your current situation.
There are those people that can break you. I can take on whatever people throws at me, but when it comes to my family, I easily break. May be because I grew up to not be expressive or I have a hard time expressing my feelings that I breakdown whenever we talk about sensitive issues. As for me, the most sensitive issue is my studies. I am pursuing a Law Career and recently, I stumbled upon a pit stop. Of course I was devastated. I did not expect and had not prepared for it so when it came, I did not know how to react. And my family kept badgering me that I needed to decide and move on fast. But I was still in shock. I needed time to mourn and bask in the shadows of this road block. So what I did was, I did not talk to them much and I sulked in the comfort of my computer and series in silence. I was also processing things slowly in my mind, trying to figure out the next concrete stop. There were to options, take a detour or wait for the road to be repaired so I can go on with my journey to hurdle the Bar.
I chose to wait. I chose to appeal my cause to the Dean and get a second chance at finishing Law at PUP. I do not know what is down the road. It scares me, but whatever it is, I trust that will hold my heart and will always remind me that everything is for a greater cause, and that is to glorify Him through my studies. I pray that the Lord will with me until the fulfillment of the promise. :) I AM RELIEVED AND HAPPY NOW, THANK YOU LORD!
