I miss you.

Hon, I'm sorry for bursting out again. I know this time you're not coming back. Am I too hard on you? Did I pull you too hard that you wanted to let go and get away from me. 10 days nalang, tapos na ang bar month. Malapit na matapos ang 2016. I will never forget this year because this is the year that I took the bar. This is when you and I happened. This could've been our year. But at the same time, I want to forget it too. This is the year that I did not feel like myself. This is when we hurt each other. This is the year that we lost respect. This is when we ended. I love you.

I have never loved someone truer than this but I have to let go because mag-isa nalang ako. I am torn kung lalaban pa ba ko o tatahimik nalang ako. Mahal na mahal kita.

I can't wait to feel more like myself again. To think on things again and to not be guided by my emotions. I can't wait to take control of my life again. I don't know if you will experience it too but I hope you won't. I felt that my emotions took over this year because I had no opportunity and time to deliberate and contemplate on what was happening. I admit, I was so impatient. I was out of control. I was aware but I can't  do anything about it. Consìder it like your financial paralysis. You want to do things but you can't yet because you have a timeline to follow.

I know I can't justify how I felt and what I did when we were together, but I hope you will someday, somehow understand that the 2016 me is not the real me. I can't prove that because we've met at the strangest and most struggling year in my life and your previous relationship before me resembled a lot like the childish me.

We will move on. We will both make it. We'll be lawyers. I am excited to be friends with you again when all of this is over and the hurt, pain and anger have subsided. You are by far the most interesting person I have met. I will always be here if you are ready to talk again. Good luck on the bar. Call me for anything, literally anything. Thank you. I love you. 😘