I wish..

I have always been thinking of what our might have looked like together. With us living together as lawyers. You have your law firm while I work as a corporate lawyer and we have a business that we partnered up but I have my own coffee shop and events management business. We're so busy but we prioritize each other. I wish you would be there when I need you. I can't put you as an emergency contact because you are hard to reach. I wish you would listen to me when I have something to say, be it important or random, like how I would listen to you. I wish I could see you whenever I want to like how normal couples would when they miss each other. I wish you would just say sorry and own up to your faults but I can't make you do all that. This things should come out naturally when you love a person. That's how I know I love you more than you love me. I committed to you but you haven't committed to me. I am loyal and honest to you more than you wanted to believe I am. Remember when you told me, you don't see us being together as a couple but you see yourself committing to me? Commiting to me means I am going to be your priority like how you would prioritize your family because I am doing that to you. I consider you part of my family because you are going to, eventually, be a part of it when I tell that were together. But I haven't felt prioritized at all. You do things on your own way. You don't discuss things with me. Once I ask about it, you go defensive on me. You don't always have the time for me but you always find the time to do other stuff that suits you. You don't trust me but I haven't done anything to destroy it. You destroyed it in your mind. You don't feel lucky to have me in your life anymore. How did that happen? Do you want someone else again in your life? Remember the last time you worked, there's that secretary that you compared me to but you chose me over her because I was supposed to be a lawyer by now. Where did my place in your future go?

I went through a lot from you and I can't see myself being ultimately happy again alone like before we got together but I know I will get there eventually. We could have been happy. Ours was never a normal type of relationship. We held back so many from each other. Some I just learned to hold back. And that should not be the case. I wanted you to be the first person to hear about the good, bad and the ugly stuff that happens in my life. I want us to be there for each other all the time no matter the circumstances are. But I can't keep doing it with just me doing all the hardwork for this relationship to work. I can't be doing all the compromise. If you love me like you always claim, let's talk, really talk. Or you could just let me go and always be scared of the possibilities.