I can't stop thinking about the awkward conversation last night. May be there is something inside me that is saying I want Him too? I know I like him but then, do I want him as well?
Maybe, if he has gotten my heart, I could have given in. Like what happened in my first year at law school. I almost gave in because I was so damn in love at that time. When I look back, I really was. But then, this time is different. I really like this guy, but then, he has a girlfriend. So when he asked me if I would do it with him if I got stuck in a room with him, I said No, because I am thinking about his girlfriend. If I was the girlfriend, I also don't want my boyfriend to be sleeping around. Then he asked me, what if we were both single, would I do it with him? I said No again. I have to have him think that he has no chance of getting it with me.
But I like this guy. I'm kind of happy because he finds me desirable. But I don't want only that. If I do it with him, where does that leave me? I am not his wife, certainly not his girlfriend, I have feelings for him and if we do it, I will be left anguished and hurt. Because for him, it is just to satisfy his sexual desire. I kept on saying that we are still friends after what happened but I know, everything changed the moment he revealed to me that I am only sexually desirable to him.
