It's depressing that I got 3 times fatter than I was 10 months ago..:( What was I doing? I have been saying that I have to lose weight before I graduate. And graduation is no where near, so may be, unconsciously, I also was delaying my way to fitness.
Last Sunday, I slipped twice inside the gym, while wearing rubber shoes (for God sake!). Technically, three times when I tried standing up from sitting on the floor. The second was the worst because I had a bad fall and my foot got twisted, I think. It's not swollen but it feels weird because when I walk, I feel that my leg is falling off my knee, but it does not hurt that much.
This is kind of a wake up call because when my feet cannot carry me anymore, the denial should stop and I should start minding my weight again. I should really stop denying that I really am super fat again. It scary because I having been slipping at flat surfaces for no reason at all and my feet are aching for standing, even though it's not that long. I get dizzy often and I have trouble balancing myself while walking. All my life, I have a problem with balance. What if one day, I had a bad fall which might cause me to no longer be able to walk or worst, hitting my head hard because of the fall and end up dead.
I hate that I can't fight the urge to stop eating junk food and drinking carbonated drinks. I need to work on my discipline and determination again. I hope, next summer, I would be wearing a swim wear at the family outing.
This is me now. How depressing, right?
I am looking forward to going back to this, or may be a lot slimmer than this. :)
