Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig, yung may yelo pa, nung nalaman ko ang balita.
Ako: Andyan na ba si dean?
R: Oo, nakausap ko na. Ayaw eh. Ano nang gagawin ko?
Ako: Si sir ba nakausap nyo na?
R: Hindi pa nga. Hahanapin namen.
Ako: Anong sabi ni dean?
R: Madami na daw syang nireject. Ayaw nya na talaga.
....
Nasa biyahe ako nyan, ng biglang sinabi ng bestfriend ko yan. Biglang tumigil ang mundo ko at madaming thoughts ang tumakbo sa utak ko, pero pinakauna dun, paano na sya?
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang tamang emosyon na dapat maramdaman. Halo halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko, hindi ko alam kung tama pa ba na maramdaman ko yung iba. Pero yung pinakabottom line, ayoko na hindi sya makaenrol sa law school. Ayoko na hindi sya makasama hanggang maging abogado kami. Ayoko masaktan sya. Ayoko na ma-in dispair sya. Ayoko mawala sya sa sirkulasyon.
Lord, please, make a move. Ikaw nalang po ang last resort nila sa puntong 'to. Lord, please, kayo na po bahala sa kanila. I believe in You. I claim Your victory. Thy will be done!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Loud and Clear!
"The Lord is what you really need.."
Yesterday, I was trying to look for a place where I can think, mourn (and probably cry), study and just to plainly vent out my frustrations and unexpressed feelings that happened earlier that day. I' gave up and just headed home instead. On my way home, I called my friend that I wasn't waiting for him anymore, I have to go home now, after the call, tears uncontrollably fell. Maybe because I felt alone (because I was really alone that time). I looked miserable, probably, but I don't care. I was finally feeling something, although it was a negative feeling, I'm glad I am reacting the right way because earlier that day, when the complicated thing was happening, I was just smiling like a fool. Anyway, as I was heading home, a girl rode on the jeepney that I was riding. The usual people that gives envelopes and collects for donations for their religious groups/organizations. I flipped the envelope, and there it was! The thing that comforted me and made me pass through the day without commiting any stupidity, set in bold letters, "The Lord is what you really need.."
In the darkest and saddest (exaggeration provided) moment of my life, the Lord never fails to comfort me. This was a reassurance that I am still beautiful, I am loved and that I am His daughter, destined for greater things in life. In that moment, I prayed to God, to change my attitude and how I was seeing the situation at hand. I can not be sad about what happened and maybe break my promise and vent it out to the wrong and unconcerned people.
So instead of mourning and crying, I thought of productive things I would do when I get home. That included things that I want to try to sort of ease the intense emotions I am feeling at that moment, and I thought of drinking by myself. Stupid isn't it? But I wasn't drinking to drown out the emotions. I drank because I wanted to fall asleep fast because I know I would be doing stupid things if I overthink again and it was just 7pm that time and I needed the rest and all other excuses that would apply to this. But I haven't tried drinking Tanduay Ice even though it was out in the market for a while now. I discreetly bought it and drank it while checking some things online, and then I went to sleep.
But then, the effect was short lived, I was awaken at 11pm and just decided to study. I was productive because I was able to make a reviewer for the final leg of our finals. And then, overthinking got the best of me and I texted other people and I thought of making this note.
The phrase that I had read helped me. If I wasn't able to read that, may be all I did was to cry uncontrollably and finally lose my drive to study for the most crucial final examination and maybe do more stupid things that I might regret later on. I'm glad.It might hurt right now but I know I'll be fine eventually. And I know the Lord has better plans for me for all of us. And whatever that is, I'm just praying that the Lord would give me the right attitude to still move forward for now and wait for His great plans to unfold right before me. I'm excited, happy and finally contented..:) Maybe I just need to pray more often, and more specific this time..
*To you, I know you are hurting too. I ask the Lord to grant you a strong heart to still endure waiting for your love. Thank you and I'm still praying for you. I never stopped including you in my prayers ever since I got to know you. Please study harder.. Godbless!
Yesterday, I was trying to look for a place where I can think, mourn (and probably cry), study and just to plainly vent out my frustrations and unexpressed feelings that happened earlier that day. I' gave up and just headed home instead. On my way home, I called my friend that I wasn't waiting for him anymore, I have to go home now, after the call, tears uncontrollably fell. Maybe because I felt alone (because I was really alone that time). I looked miserable, probably, but I don't care. I was finally feeling something, although it was a negative feeling, I'm glad I am reacting the right way because earlier that day, when the complicated thing was happening, I was just smiling like a fool. Anyway, as I was heading home, a girl rode on the jeepney that I was riding. The usual people that gives envelopes and collects for donations for their religious groups/organizations. I flipped the envelope, and there it was! The thing that comforted me and made me pass through the day without commiting any stupidity, set in bold letters, "The Lord is what you really need.."
In the darkest and saddest (exaggeration provided) moment of my life, the Lord never fails to comfort me. This was a reassurance that I am still beautiful, I am loved and that I am His daughter, destined for greater things in life. In that moment, I prayed to God, to change my attitude and how I was seeing the situation at hand. I can not be sad about what happened and maybe break my promise and vent it out to the wrong and unconcerned people.
So instead of mourning and crying, I thought of productive things I would do when I get home. That included things that I want to try to sort of ease the intense emotions I am feeling at that moment, and I thought of drinking by myself. Stupid isn't it? But I wasn't drinking to drown out the emotions. I drank because I wanted to fall asleep fast because I know I would be doing stupid things if I overthink again and it was just 7pm that time and I needed the rest and all other excuses that would apply to this. But I haven't tried drinking Tanduay Ice even though it was out in the market for a while now. I discreetly bought it and drank it while checking some things online, and then I went to sleep.
But then, the effect was short lived, I was awaken at 11pm and just decided to study. I was productive because I was able to make a reviewer for the final leg of our finals. And then, overthinking got the best of me and I texted other people and I thought of making this note.
The phrase that I had read helped me. If I wasn't able to read that, may be all I did was to cry uncontrollably and finally lose my drive to study for the most crucial final examination and maybe do more stupid things that I might regret later on. I'm glad.It might hurt right now but I know I'll be fine eventually. And I know the Lord has better plans for me for all of us. And whatever that is, I'm just praying that the Lord would give me the right attitude to still move forward for now and wait for His great plans to unfold right before me. I'm excited, happy and finally contented..:) Maybe I just need to pray more often, and more specific this time..
*To you, I know you are hurting too. I ask the Lord to grant you a strong heart to still endure waiting for your love. Thank you and I'm still praying for you. I never stopped including you in my prayers ever since I got to know you. Please study harder.. Godbless!
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