Prayer Time..

Today's second reading reminded me of my growing hatred towards my family. Last sunday, I went downstairs to ask my parents if I can already pay the tuition fee. My question was simple and can be answered by yes or no. I hate talking to my parents because I don't get the answers that I want or need. And I mostly hate it when my younger sister butts in and make the situation much worse. So, last Sunday, when I popped the question, I got the answer that I am fearing the most. Papa started ranting about my going to the mall the last Thursday and because I spent 500 pesos, I won't be able to pay my tuition yet. He furher ranted about how low his salary is and that his salary alone is not enough to suffice our needs and wants. What an absurdity! Papa has a high salary grade that I believe comes with the years of serving in the Government. Does he think he is talking to a naive 5 year old daughter? I am a 3rd year law student. I have already finished a four-year course. So please, give some credit to me. I know what you are talking about. I want you to tell me the truth, not the crap that you want me to believe. His salary alone goes to his medicines and maintenance.Okay, I get that. But please, stop blaming my schooling for all the set backs that we are experiencing now. It is not me whoabused your body that's why you end up sick like this. And then there's Mama. Okay, she tells the truth, but she exagerrates it. She is always saying that she's tired of looking out for the store but she needs to do it because I am still studying. And then there's my younger sister. She always thinks that the things that I ask from our parents are only wants and not needs. WTH! I don't get I want, and even most of my needs but do I complain about it to them? 

You see, there is a growing hatred inside me for my family and I hate it. I love my family and I don't want to hate them.

Lord, I lift up my heart to You. I don't want to hate my parents. Please, make me understand our situation so that I won't hate them anymore. Please, help us get through this. I know that after this, we will come out strong and bonded because of Your love.

Amen.

Let the Hunger Games begin!

I'm about to enter the hardest semester in my entire Law School life.. Lord, please, help me..

“What is the Kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it?"

“What is the Kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it?"

I did not understand the gospel until I read the first reading. We should seek the Kingdom of God because it is there where we will be able to achieve the growth that we seek.

In my 24 years of life, I have always been seeking knowledge and power. I was grateful that when I was 15, I have already found it and commited myself to God. But through the years, I have grown complacent in my faith to God. And during those times that I was complacent, I have found myself drifting away from God. That place was scary and I don't want to go back to that state again. I am very grateful that the Lord never gave up on me.

Lord, I am very grateful that You have taken time to save me from myself, from the complacency that I have experienced. I really don't want to go back to that state wherein I feel like I don't know You anymore. I am sorry that I let this happen to me.

I know that You know my heart. I may not say the things I want to say, but I trust that You know my heart and my unspoken prayer. Please always guide me Lord and always remind me taht I cannot do it without You and that being away from You is a scary place.

Amen.

Prayer Time

I had a fun night with the CODAL (Christian On Demand At Law) lyesterday. Before that, I was with my brothers and sisters at Alpha Phi Omega because we fetched one of our brother who is also a barrister. Yesterday was the last sunday of the Bar Exams.

Today's gospel said, "Everyone in the crowd sought to touch him because power came forth from him and healed them all. " 

As I reflect on the message of the gospel, I remembered all the happenings yesterday. Everyone wanted to come near Jesus because power emanated from him. Last night was a blessing because like most of the times over the past months, I found myself wavering in my decision to stop being in the fraternity and just pursue God. All the words that I said were like the words that I needed to hear to finally break free and let go of what was in the past. And today, I cling on to the Lord because I strongly believe that he has the power to restore me to the right track and to achieve the person that He destined me to be.

Lord, I pray for guidance. May You be always with me in all times. Also, I thank you for the gift of community inside PUP Law. I am very grateful that You are always assuring me that I can do all things because You are with me and that I will never be alone because You love me. Thank You Lord, I know that You know my heart. Amen.

Prayer Time Reflection Day 1

Since I cannot always voice out what I wanted to say during my prayer time. I would try to put my reflection in writing.

Today's gospel was about theUnderstanding the Time and Settle with Your Opponents from Luke 12:54-59. I am having a hard time digesting the real message of the gospel today so I read the first reading which came from Romans 7:18-25a. 

In the first reading, it talks about the sins of the world. As I reflect on it, I remembered yesterday's happenings. Yesterday, I went out with a male friend. We went to see Gravity, then ate at many places. But in between those things that we did. We talked about his lovelife. He is in love with his bestfriend, who happens to be also my friend. He said the feelings are mutual but then lately, he can sense that something has changed. To make the long story short, he is not sure anymore if the feelings are really mutual. And I asked him, "How can you say that IT is mutual?" Gradually, he revealed they were being intimate to each other. And I was appalled. And as the conversation went on, as I hear how sinful the friendship has been hapening to them, the only bugging question to me that I need to ask him is that "Does that please my God?" And he went on justifying their acts. And I caught him when he talked about Joshua Harris' I kissed Dating Goodbye when he said, "Intimacy is the reward of Commitment".

I cannot detail how complicated their relationship is now. But one thing is for sure, they are living in sin. 1. Because they are being intimate without the commitment of a romantic relationship, and 2. He is hanging and she's making him wait for nothing.

Often times, we hear the voice of the world telling us that it okay to be intimate with someone without the benefit of relationship. it's okay if that makes us happy. But, is it the RIGHT thing to do? Does that please our God?

No it is not okay. It is WRONG.

And I remembered that somewhere along the line, I have also fallen from this sin but I am grateful that God has made me realize these things so that I can be a living witness to others. I told my friend that right now, I know he knows the right thing to do but it is not what he wants to do because he is liking what is happening at the status quo, but he should do it. Because the time would come that he would feel the wrongness of their acts and it would be painful. And it would leave him in shame. Because from the start, he knows that what they allowed themselves to do without the commitment is wrong. And he would live in shame because he knows that he allowed himself and the the girl that he 'loves' live in sin. I told him to assert his right to know the truth. He should not be left hanging. I know he loves the girl but he does not deserve this. They both do not deserve to live in sin. I am telling this to them to save them from commiting and further sinful acts and to make the right choices.

I will quote a passage in the Perks of Being a Wallflower, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I gave him the option of moving on and keep hanging on. I am glad that he knows that the right thing to do is to move on. It has a lot of consequences but those would only hurt temporarily and eventually they will move on. If he chooses to keep hanging on, they will just keep living in sin and the day would come that he will be angry with girl. Of course we do not know what will happen in the future. Only God knows. But for know, we should do the right things. The question "Does this please my God?" should always be answered in the affirmative and we can only hope that everything will go according to His great plan for us. God knows our heart's desires. And trust that God's plan is our deepest heart's desires.

Lord, I am thankful for eveything that I have experienced. I am very grateful that You did not allow me to live in sin and that You made me realize all these before it is too late. I am thankful that You have redeemed me and you have not given up on me. I cannot thank You enough for all these but I am very happy and contented at Your presence now. I pray that You always put me in Your loving embrace so that I may no longer daviate from Your ways. Allow me to always seek Your will. And I know, Lord, You know my heart. Amen.

FAVORITE SIMPLE JOY KO!:)

"Habang nageexam ako kanina, naiisip ko yung spaghetti ng mama ko.. *weird* Sana parang spaghetti ni mama din ang maging grade ko, FAVORITE SIMPLE JOY KO!:)" - status ko nung Sunday, pagkatapos magexam sa Credit Transaction.

KinaMonday-an, may grade na agad.. 3. K.

Until earlier this day, I still can't believe that I got a 3 on that subject. Ganon lang ba ang katumbas ng hirap ko sa subject na yun? Hay. I kept ranting about this to my close friends. They kept on telling me, "Buti nga pasado eh."

K.

As I was scanning my timeline, I read my status that Sunday after the exam. This struck me. "FAVORITE SIMPLE JOY KO!"

Often times, naooverlook natin yung blessings. Tulad nito. I forgot na ito pala ang dasal ng bawat law student, ang pumasa. Pumasa ako sa prof na sabi nila, No Mercy. Considering hindi ako nakapag-aral for finals at pinagpasa-Diyos ko nalang yung exam ko, malaking bagay na nga naman na pumasa ako.

PUMASA AKO! YUN ANG FAVORITE SIMPLE JOY KO!:) 

Pero hindi dapat makuntento sa pumapasa lang. Strive for excellence. My first step was to not have a failing grade this sem. Strive harder for excellent grades. :) 

Thank you Lord for all these blessings! If it weren't for you, I could not have done it. Thank you for guiding me and never giving up on me.

I'm not ready yet..

I think my heart stopped for 3 seconds when mama dropped the bomb.. Papa was hospitalized.. :((

Thank God, he's already home. But then, he's just lying there, in his room. I asked him how he's feeling. He said he can't feel anything, but good thing, he's responding. That's a good thing right? And I said, please hold on for a little longer, I'm not yet a lawyer.

In that moment, all I could think of was how grateful I am that my father survived. All my plans, all my what ifs, all my fears surfaced that very moment. I was scared that He would be gone without me reaching my dreams, without him seeing it all unfold.

Last Sunday, I overheard that Papa can no longer for even 10 meters without him already catching his breathe. Mama also told me that Papa is taking cabs in going to his workplace that's why our expenses got a little higher.

I blame myself for not trying harder in everything that's why Papa has to endure all the hardships in our family. I don't have a decent job. I always have a failing grade, every semester. What happened today was really a wake up call to me. I should try my hardest from today. I have to speed up. Time is running. Papa is already weak. 

Lord, please help our family. I don't want to lose Papa yet. I know death is inevitable, but please, we're not yet ready. Please give him strength to endure all this. Please let him live for more years.