Prayers

Lord, please grant me the capacity to differentiate real love and infatuation. Di na po ako bata to still think of what could've beens and what ifs. Lord, grant me the will and courage to move on and move forward. I need this to live a new life. Now that I have decided to live and lead a new life, please, grant me the people that I will be needing. Hindi naman po ako himihingi ng wala sanang magbabago. Gusto ko lang po na sana, makayanan ko ang lahat ng hamon na dadating sa buhay ko. Sana po ang constant thing sa buhay ko ay yung pamilya ko.

Bar Operations

Nung mga nakakaraang taon, di naman talaga mahalaga sakin ang Bar Operations. Sabi nila, good omen daw na magparticipate sa Bar Operations. Wala naman masamang maniwala, pero ako, hindi naniniwala sa ganun eh. Mahilig ako sa extra curriculars pero hindi sa school. Noong bata pa ako, siguro, oo, kasi kailangan, pero nung malapit na ko matapos ng college, napagalaman ko na pwede naman pala kahit wala. Mahilig ako mag-isa. Limitado lang ang gusto kong pinapapasok sa buhay ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ang ironic ng mga ginagawa ko because I do otherwise. But now, I decide to do what I want in my life, open up to people who really wanted to be in my life and receive the love that I really need..

It ends tonight..

Tonight, I decide to be who I really am. I'll start treating people the way I want to be treated. Michael asked earlier if what I watch is what I attract. Siguro ganun nga ano? Sobrang hilig ko sa mga sad love stories kaya fail pa rin ang love life ko. Puro friendzone, puro unrequited. So maybe, no boyfriend since birth is the last sad movie I will watch and I'll start believing in love again.

Nagstart na ko magdeclutter ng kwarto and ng clothes so probably, isusunod ko na yung mga tao sa buhay ko..

Finish Strong

I started without a single clue about what I am really doing in Law School. Until now I really don't have an answer to that, much as I don't have an answer to why I want to become a lawyer either.

Over the years, I questioned myself if this is really for me. There was no semester that I got a failing grade on 1 or 2 subjects. I doubted myself, countless times. And often, I will find the answer and reassurance that I'm in the right path with God. It always boils down to His master plan.

Lately, I am having doubts as to the path that I should take. Does He really planned for me to be a lawyer?

Earlier, as I was looking for a new wallpaper, I found this, and I got so excited to finish my last semester in LS that I posted it on IG.

And I remembered, if God has brought me to it, He will bring me through it!" I don't have to worry if I haven't really figured it out. He has a master that even the most intelligent person can't comprehend.

I just have to do my best, give my all and finish strong!

Shit happens!

He said, " Geh, kaw bhala. Kelangan mo mgparticipate sa bar ops para maisama ka din sa ibabarops ng chap next year. :)"

And I'm like, "WTH!"

Akala ko ba okay na? Bakit kailangan mo yang sabihin? Meaning, kapag di ko sila binarops, hindi nyo dn ako ibabarops? Anong kalokohan yan? Asan ang magkapatid dyan? Kung ayaw mo, wag. Di kita kailangan. Wag mo na 'ko kausapin please! Walang mapapala sayo! Wala ako natutuhan sayo!

Pero syempre, respeto pa din. Nag-thumbs up nalang ako.

Unique.

"They can imitate you but they can't duplicate you."

Tama si Dawin sa lyrics ng kanta nyang Dessert. Walang makakagawa ng mga bagay na ginagawa mo na katulad na katulad ng kung pano mo ito gawin. Unique tayo, in our very own ways. Although, often times, we forget that we have unique qualities. 

Ako, madalas ko yun makalimutan. Gusto ko ng ibang buhay. Magsimula ulit. Nakalimutan ko na YOLO nga pala. Hahaha! We don't get another shot at living this life so might as well live it the way I want it. I should start having fun. Twenty six years old, twenty years spent in school. Others are starting their lives at the real world, ako nag-aaral pa. Dapat ko nalang ituring as blessing yun. I have a supportive family and a lot of loving friends.

"Ilang points of no returns na nalampasan mo? Ano ba naman yung isa pa? Kaya mo yan!"

Point of no return. Ilang beses ko ng narating yan eh. Pero ilang beses din akong nagreturn. Hahaha! Takot ako eh. Takot ako sa kung anong nasa kabila. May tendency akong isabotage ang mga good things na nangyayari sakin. Takot akong umabot sa breaking point. Takot akong magtransform. Takot akong magbago. Baka kasi hindi ko mgustuhan. Baka kasi hindi naman akong maging masaya. Baka kasi hindi ko naman kayang panindigan.

Sa lahat ng mga nangyari sa buhay ko. Ilang beses na 'ko nagsabi na pagod na 'kong matakot,pero eto pa rin ako, takot na takot. Ang galing galing kong mag-advise sa iba, pero yung sarili ko di ko magawa yung mga advice ko.

Sa totoo lang, pagod na 'ko matakot eh, gusto ko ng maging matapang.

Home.

So I'm here at the house since Thursday afternoon. Last week, I was also here for a whole week. It's my safe place. I feel I'm protected here. From what, that I do not know yet. But I think, subconsciously, when I get scared, I go home and resort to staying in front of the computer, watching movies and other stuff. I'm afraid of living life. This should not be the case, that's why I need courage.