2nd day of 2010..

I’m such a loser, I slept all day after I finished my daily 4 rounds of walking at the EVERGREEN MEMORIAL+ VISIT TO KUYA (which I plege from now on to be daily too..) so I forgot to buy a journal which would contain my daily activities and rants and joys and sorrow and all. HAHA!

I had time, but the real reason why I wasn’t able to go out and buy is that my whole body is in pain. I can’t move from the bed I was lying on. But at 3pm, I tried my VERY best to stand up’cause I remembered I haven’t bathed yet and haven’t eaten any food nor drank anything aside from the two glasses of water intake I impose to drink every morning this year.

I managed to crawl out of bed and stand up and walk slowly to the living room, careful not to knock any piece of furniture around the house since I was a bit dizzy because I came from a deep sleep.

I noticed that I was feeling better everytime I walk so I walked a little around our house to lessen my body pain. After that, I bathed with warm water to calm my tensioned body.

That was what I did for the day. So boring still. I haven’t started the bible yet, I promise, I’ll find time.

First day of the year Randomness..

My first day of 2010 is so random. Since there’s no classes yet, I get to do the most random things that I’ come up with.

1.I woke up at 5am and checked my email, fb, plurk, tumblr and multiply..
2.Took 4 rounds of walking at Evergreen Memorial and visited my brother there.
3.Exercised for a while at the house to sweat the calories off.
4.Drank my morning coffee and ate my morning banana. *HAHA!*
5.Took a bath.
6.Taught mama about facebook-ing.
7.Slept for 3 hours.
8.Worked on the BUSHFIRE
9.Ate late lunch with family, ate *sapsap*.
10.Watched Precious Hearts Romances and Katorse.
11.Continue working on BUSHFIRE and surfed for some Central B group pictures.
12.Washed the plates.
13.Blogged.
14.Will watch PBB.
15. Sleep.

So random. I’d start reading genesis tomorrow. PROMISE!

Randomness for the first day of the year..

My first day of 2010 is so random. Since there's no classes yet, I get to do the most random things that I' come up with.

1.I woke up at 5am and checked my email, fb, plurk, tumblr and multiply..
2.Took 4 rounds of walking at Evergreen Memorial and visited my brother there.
3.Exercised for a while at the house to sweat the calories off.
4.Drank my morning coffee and ate my morning banana. *HAHA!*
5.Took a bath.
6.Taught mama about facebook-ing.
7.Slept for 3 hours.
8.Worked on the BUSHFIRE
9.Ate late lunch with family, ate *sapsap*.
10.Watched Precious Hearts Romances and Katorse.
11.Continue working on BUSHFIRE and surfed for some Central B group pictures.
12.Washed the plates.
13.Blogged.
14.Will watch PBB.
15. Sleep.

So random. I'd start reading genesis tomorrow. PROMISE!

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONSssss..

As I was waiting for the pizza I ordered (which will arrive at 4:11 but arrived at exactly 4:00), I had nothing to do so I got my pen and sticky notepad and scribbled down some of the things I thought would be good new year’s resolutions..:)

Here they are:

1. Raise TUMBLARITY and KARMA.:P

-Haha! This one’s weird because it’s so random and IT”S NOT GOOD *i think*, but I really want to start blogging again and tumblr’s kinda fun as well as plurk… and twitter by the way.. I still would update my facebook though..;)

2. Healthy Living (GO GREEN! And NO to SWEETS!)

-I seriously would want to lose weight and shape up. I’ve been asking friends about GYM fees and all but I think I can get away with diet and exercise. I’m not that fat, i think..

3. NO OTHER DAY BUT TODAY!

-I’ve been procrastinating every time there are works or projects that I have to finish so starting January 1, 2010. I’ll start this policy.:) *fingers crossed*

4. LOVE LIKE NO OTHER..

-I want my love for others to strengthen. Loving like no other. Loving until it hurts no more. Loving even there’s no reason.

ALL WE NEED IS MORE and MORE LOVE!!

Haappy New Year!!! Godbless Us! Welcome 2010!:D

MY 2010 BUCKET LIIST..

Last year, we were asked by our household head to write down things that we want to accomplish for this year, be it long or short term. I think I wasn’t serious on those things that I wrote and those weren’t attainable yet as of the time being. So this year, I came up with ten (10) items on my bucket list that I’ll surely do religiously.

1. Learn a sport. * I’m not the sporty type ever since that’s why my body (stamina, endurance and physical strength) isn’t strong. So for this year, I’ll do my VERY best to learn a sport even if i’d be injured, at least i tried to learn a sport and overcome my fear of physical pain.*

2. Learn at least one (1) foreign language. *I’ve been itching to study mandarin,spanish and french since high school. Maybe, now that I will have a year before entering Law School, I’d be studying those languages.*

3. Learn a musical instrument. *I want to learn how to play the piano and guitar. Practice takes time but I think, I would manage to learn at least one of those instruments before the year ends again.*

4. Learn at least one (1) cooking recipe. *I don’t love cooking but I can cook at least the basic. I want to learn how to cook and probably, love it soon.*

5. Finish a good book within a month. *I so, so, so, love reading and it pains me now that I haven’t really finished any book this year. I would, religiously, buy and read and FINISH a good book every month. I’ll use my spare time to read it. There are things in life that you’d still learn by reading the book.*

6. Learn something for YCOM (or whatever my service will be). *I’ve been dying to learn ADOBE PREMIERE and AFTER EFFECTS but I can’t seem to get it on my own so I’ve asked help from Kuya Lucky and He said yes.. The only problem now is finding time to learn it. I would definitely find some time to study it for the love of God and my service. I would also study about lights and photography.*

7. Save 1000 on my allowance every month. *I noticed I’ve been spending much on food and other stuff last year so this year I would spend wisely and invest on more important things other than food and nonsense things, anyway, i would be on a strict diet this year, so less spending on food and more to saving.

8. Do a 365-day journal/diary/record of daily and special events of my life. *I want to take note of the best things that happen to me everyday and see God’s message for me. I still prefer to write it down on fresh paper so I could treasure it even technology isn’t available on places I would go.*

9. Finish a book in the BIBLE every month. *I realized that I have been neglecting the BIBLE. I wasn’t reading it for many months now. Before, I thought that I wasn’t reading it because I don’t have a personal BIBLE. But now that i have one, I’ve been neglecting it. This year, I would surely, definitely and religiously read it. I’ve been wanting to meet my Christ and by reading the scripture, surely I would see things that I thought I have known for a long time about him.*

10. lose one (1) kg. every month, 1 kg for this year. *This time I will be serious on losing some weight. I noticed that I’ve been gradually losing body coordination and have been easily inflicted by sickness because of my weight and weakness. I decided to be a vegetarian this year and only fish meat is allowed to be considered the source of protein. I seriously would like to lose weight before graduation comes so I would look good on whatever I’ll wear.*

*I would also do some fasting alongside my bucket list..:)

This things would be a torture to me at times because this is going against what I have been doing for the past year, but doing this would also be a lot of help for me and for the people around me also. I pray to the Lord that I’d be able to do this and never break any of it until the next year comes.

My Biggest Fear

I have a big faith in the Lord. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and that the Lord has planned everything even before we set foot on this planet. But an aspect of my life hinders me now to fully believe in that belief that I held on for so many years.

My brother died more than a year ago because of rheumatic heart disease and typhoid fever. Since then, my parents became extra protective of us, their remaining children. They became extra caring to us. But I can feel the detachment they are making to not allow their hearts to be so close to us. As parents, I know that they love us dearly, but because of what had happened to my brother, the trauma left them loving us, their remaining children,in a distance.

Lately, I’ve been sickly and accident prone. I don’t know why. But week after week, I would always have an ailment, an accident and would be down at the sick bed for weeks. My body is weakening and I am feeling a writhing pain occasionally and would fell unconscious without me knowing it. It felt like half of my body is burning,, like big needles where piercing through my right half of the body.

My mom once told me out of the blue, “Ayoko nang mawalan ng isa pang anak.” This statement shocked me. How can I tell her that I am in pain? How can I tell her that I am suffering? Things could have been easier if my mom didnt say that because probably now, I am complaining to them. I am probably telling them now to come home and attend to my needs because I am writhing in pain, alone in this house, with no one else to cry unto.

My biggest fear now is death. I’ve fearing death ever since my brother died. I wasn’t afraid of it before for I know everybody will eventually die.

I fear death not because I am not ready of the consequences it will bring to the people I will leave, not because I don’t see myself lying on the death bed, not because I don’t believe in heaven. I fear death because of my parents.

I saw my brother dying with my own two eyes. I saw my parents broke down when it happened. I saw everything happening before my own two eyes and I can’t do anything about it while it was happening. I was just standing there, like watching a nightmare unfold before my eyes.

I was so afraid. I am still afraid until now. I don’t know how I managed to stand still that night. I don’t know how I managed to stay this sane up to this very moment after a year when that devastating night happened.

I wasn’t allowed to breakdown and cry before because I had to be strong. I had to endure everything. Every tear that I want to shed for my brother, I kept it all inside me so no one can see my heart breaking. I had to be strong for everyone, for my mother who’s in the verge of insanity because her only dear and beloved son has died at a young age, for my sister, who’s very close to my brother, he was her favourite person, and for my father, who can’t show his tears like me because he had to be strong for the family to.

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