My Heart Says..

Dear Lord,

I’m so tired and wasted. I really don’t know what to do next. What to do first and what to expect. Although I’ve been to the YCOM SHOUT, although I’ve learned so much on my stay to the SHOUT house, my worries, my insecurities are still there.

Before, I don’t care what my family will say, what other people will say regarding my service and my conviction. But now, it seems that everything that they say or think, I take it into heart. I know it’s wrong. It’s not them whom I serve but God alone.

Before, I don’t care if people will leave me. I don’t care if people have hard feelings towards me. I have learned to live alone. But now, it seems that I can’t live without them.
I cared about what they think. I cared about what they say.

I really don’t get it. Why suddenly I have this feelings of insecurities. I hate this feeling but I can’t control myself.

I am also bothered about my prayer time. No matter ho I busy myself on scheduling it, still it really won’t work. I can’t even concentrate on reflecting, on starting my plan of having a prayer notebook.

I love writing. I thought Ate Dana’s sharing will inspire me and motivate me into keeping my prayer time regular and strong. I am so concerned with this because I know I have to pray, I need to pray.

Lord, please help me regain my strength and passion in serving. I so love you Lord. I don’t want this feeling anymore. Fire me up again, please.

This I pray in your most mighty name, Amen.

Glory be to the Father, to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

AMEN.