More L O V E for 2009..

A few days before 2008 ends, I was having an emotional breakdown (?).. I'm thinking about a lot of things. It did overcome my sanity and all I did was to mourn and mourn and grieve and rant.

I said in my previous blog that I can't feel peoples' love to me (or so I implied).. I doubted everybody's love for me, their sincerity, their trust. I mourned. I cried. I grieved. And the other night, I went really crazy about it. I can't really figure out what was really happening to me. I can't put into words what on earth were running in my mind that's really bugging me.

But, praise God, I was able to pick myself up and put some sense into what's really happening me. Thanks to my ever bright household head, KC, I was able to track down where all my doubts came from. I would also want to thank JIll, her blog said everything that I was going through only that I forgot to thank the Lord for everything that I was going through.

After knowing what I felt (thought of, cried about, ranted upon), here's my new year's resolution. This year, I will work on re-opening my heart to all the people (loving or unloving) so that I can feel their hearts more and also, so that they can feel the overflowing love that I have for them, especially the people closer to me.

More LOVE for 2009!!! (quoted from kakay)

Saan ba?

Nakakamiss yung ako. Nakakamiss yung bumalik sa katinuan o yung maging ako lang. Ang dami ko na nakalimutan, ang dami ko na mali, ang dami ko na gusto, ang dami ko nglihim, at ang dami ko hindi nagagawa.

Plano ako ng plano. Isip ako ng isip. Wala naman ako nagagawa. Wala naman ako natatapos. Wala din ako magawa para maging maayos ako. Palagi nalang ako nagmamarunong. Palagi nalang nagkukunwari. palagi nalang nagmamakaawa.

Palagi nalang ayaw ng mga tao sa akin. Palagi nalang akong mali. Palagi nalang ako nageeffort magustuhan ng mga tao. Hindi tumatagal ang friendship. Ang closeness. Palagi nalang ako may kaaway. Palagi nalang naiilang sa akin. Walang instance na wala akong makakasamaan ng loob kapag nagsimula na akong maging totoo sa kanila.

Ako yung may problema? Sino ang totoong nakakakilala sa akin? Ano ang dapat kong maging ugali?

Sana sabihin ng mga tao kung anong mali? Saan ako mali? Bakit ako mali? Sana sa una palang sabihin na, na ayaw nila sa akin. Ayoko ng in difference. Ayoko mag-isa. Ayoko umasa. Nawawalan ako ng tiwala sa sarili.

Anong nakakainis? Anong mali? Anong gusto?

My Memory..

My memory.. At that moment I remembered it all
When I see those memories they seem so small..
You're far away in a place that I can't reach
I can't wait for these words of love to be said

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever...

For a long time you've been in my heart
Much time passes and still you're far away, but I will stay alive

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever...

Love is a choice..

I was at the middle of my nightly rituals last night when I received an unexpected text message that caused me not to sleep until now..

Mommy (that's how she calls me), if you said love is a matter of choice, why did you choose Daddy(that's how she calls him now secretly)?

I was totally astonished and at the verge of freaking out at that moment..

How the hell am I going to answer that?

It's true, for me, love is a choice.

Choice, not to look at anyone except him..

Choice, not to despise him..

Choice, not to look at your differences..

Choice. It's all about choices.

I'm at a point of loving someone who doesn't love me back. Wherein every time I see him, all my promises of never loving him again fades. Even if there are others who wish they have my heart, I still chose him.

It's a matter of choice.

I chose him. My heart

Chose him.

I don't want any other.

My heart will be forever his.

And if he's not the man that God prepared for me, I will forever love him still.

He might not be my first love, but he is my one true heartthrob love.