Last try..

Somebody said to me before that any first lesbian relationship would never work. I was determined to prove them wrong. But maybe they're right. Wala pang 1 month, di ko kinakaya na di mo ko pinapansin or I am not your priority. I am so impatient. Pero yung totoo, impatient ba ko kung wala ka namang tinutupad sa mga pinapangako mo sakin? Di ko makalimutan lahat ng ginagawa mo sakin, good and bad pero mas tumatatak sakin yung bad palagi. 2 years, lahat ng magandang nangyari satin dahil yun sa ako yung gumawa ng paraan. Pilit kong iniisip kung may mali ba ko kapag ginugusto kong pansinin mo ko? Selfish ba ko kapag ginusto ko yung atensyon mo? Pati yung panunumbat ko sayo kapag nag-aaway tayo, mali ba 'to? Everytime mag-aaway tayo or magbbreak, I always feel defeated. Di dahil nakikipagkumpetensya ako sayo pero kc natalo nanaman yung pag-asa kong baka narealize mo na kung anong deserve ko. I told myself countless times na hindi ka na magbabago, pero sa tuwing sasabihin mong mahal mo ko, umaasa ulit ako na baka maging totoo rin yan isang araw. Pero dumadaan ang mga araw na parang wala lang ako sayo, na okay lang kahit mawala ako at parang pabigat ako lagi sa buhay mo. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal. Napakabuti mong tao sa totoo lang. Siguro talagang hindi na tayo ang para sa isat isa kahit anong pilit ko. Hindi na ako yung nakakaintindi at makakapagpasaya sayo. I'm grateful that I got to know you and be with you. At least now I know myself more. Love is love regardless of gender or the lack of it. Thank you.


I wish that one day, this number will not ring anymore. Or the operator says, "Your number cannot be completed if dialed, please check the number and dial again." So that I would know it's not working anymore. I wish I don't remember any of your email addresses. I wish I don't have ways to contact you. I wish we never met and fell in love. And more importantly, I don't get the urge to hear from you. I know I sound pathetic and crazy now, as I always do. And maybe things will get better in the long run. But right now, it just hurts. I want it to instantaneously stop. Please. Be kind to me. Just please tell me to stop.