Magic of New Beginnings..

 It's already a cliche, talking about the magic of new beginnings. A lot has mentioned this when they are about to change their life and that's pretty much what I wanted to do. At the beginning of 2019, devastated from a recently (not really recent because it has been 11 months since the relationship ended) and frustrated about not living the life that I imagined living since I wanted to the things I was not able to do when I was still in law school. I vowed to do them in 2019. Well, that relationship ended in February 2018 but I still kind of lingered for a couple of months and still lingered but no longer expected for her to come back. Anyway, as early as December 2018, I decided I will no longer have connections with my ex anymore and just focus on creating the life that I want. When 2019 started, I listed some goals that I wanted to achieve within the course of the year or by the end the year.

With each step, it becomes easier to walk away from the norm. And I can say it is really hard. You will disappoint and offend a lot of people, especially those that are supporting your current lifestyle, those that love you no matter what, but at the end of it all, what really matter and what is important is that you are happy with the choices, steps and decisions you make. The beginning is always the hardest but it gets easier with every decision. And with every win, something in you solidifies and you become happy as you walk away to a happy life.

It's the last day of July today, my sister's birthday, however, I am feeling a bit frustrated because it has been three months that I am unemployed. I do not know exactly when but I decided to just go full-time with freelancing. Applying was not a problem, however, I was having a hard time getting up and going to interviews whenever I have an appointment. It's particularly hard because I don't have money. I think all my money went to set up my Singapore Trip this August 16-19, but I also did not want to go out and interact with people other than my family and Alex.

I'm thinking whether I was still depressed because this resembled what happened in 2017 after I learned that I flunked the Bar. However, this is a different case now. I really did not want to interact with people just because I did not like people in general. It is not like before when I was in hiding because I was avoiding the topic of me flunking the Bar at that time. I read that when you are lonely, it is more likely that you wanted to be alone. That was me before, I always wanted to be alone and that I just wanted my ex to give me attention. Over the course of 2018, after going to her house for the last time and not seeing her there, drinking till a dropped and not get any response from her, I decided to just stop and pick myself up because this is not me. I have become pathetic and desperate in every sense of those descriptions.