I wish.. If only..

I always feel like I’m being used, that I am being violated by people. They pretend to be true to me where in fact they just wanted to use me. I often think that I am greater than them. That they are just a bunch of idiots who also think that they can look down on me, use me and make fun of me.

I sometimes think that I am a bit hard on them because of giving that impression but I think it’s just how they make me feel that strengthens the feeling of being violated and so used up.

Sometimes, I just wanna be a bad person. Try to ignore them or say things that I don’t usually say or be more indifferent and cold towards them. I want to just yell at them when I get mad like most people would probably do if they get mad. I want to show them that I can get mad to. I want them to treat me seriously like I am someone so important that they won’t even entertain the idea of trying to make me mad. I want them to respect me. I want them to look up on me.

I always feel that they just neglect me. They think that I won’t get mad. Just because I say it’s okay, they do it on purpose several times thinking that things would probably okay with me, like breaking my trust, saying stupid things about me, talking behind my back and using me.

Probably that’s the problem with me. I often say “it’s okay”, so people always think that it really is okay. Maybe if I just happen to break free and burst out, they would understand me fully.

I just wish that they would take me seriously and be more sensitive when it comes to me because I can’t seem to be able to say that things aren’t really okay. If only they can read this. IF ONLY..