Dark Aura

I always feel like I am emitting a dark aura. It’s like I tell people to go away and to not be close to me. I always feel sad that people may think that they may catch my being all too emotional. But I can’t help it. I am just too lonely. I don’t even want to trace the cause of it but I know for a fact that I am so lonely.

Ever since, loneliness has been my security blanket. I’ve been lonely for most of my life because I fail to acknowledge every cause of my bitterness. I fail to acknowledge the reason why my heart always skips a bit when I am badmouthed and when I get hurt. Or maybe, I fail to block all the negativities around me and I am easy to be hurt.

I don’t know really, but I think I am emitting a dark aura. All the pretence, all the fake smiles, all the pretentious laughs that I put up to show them that I am okay are the things that makes me sad. I always try my best to be liked by people. I always try my best not to hurt them by any means. And it was because of those things that I failed to be real and true to myself. I became much sadder and sadder each day until the sadness has become unbearable to the point that I’m drowning in it.

Until now I don’t know what to do about it. I still feel that I emit a dark aura but I don’t want people to walk away from me. I want them to be happy. I want to feel that I am loved by them. I want to feel an endless happiness that would make all the loneliness in my heart fade away like it hasn’t really happened.