In Love

Funny, I don’t know how many times I have fallen in love and got heartbroken. I can’t seem to remember when the 1st time I fell truly in love was. I can’t date it back to grade school. I kind of liked a lot of guys that time but those were just crushes. It can’t be mistaken as love because I was young then.

My first love, I think is my best friend, Jan Brian Kristoffer Soliven. He was my classmate for two years in high school. He is branded as the ultimate playboy together with Sherwin Salceda. I don’t really know why we became best friends. The only thing I can remember was that he used to sit beside me, chat with me, tell me his problems (love,family) and joke around and laugh with me like nobody else can. I saw him court girls and also got heartbroken for awhile when they break u like it was an SOP to get depressed about a break up when he was the one who initiated it. He would always tell me who his prospects were and he would also ask for my opinions, analysis and approval on to which one would he hit on first. When I was doing that, at the back of my mind I was asking myself, “what was I doing?” He’s going to go again. He’ll never be mine. He’ll just be my bestfriend. And truly it was, he only became my best friend and after a year we parted ways. Our batch mates would always criticize him but still I stand by him because I was able to see the real part of him which others won’t see even his girls.

I loved Brian for almost the whole of my high school days, it’s just so sad that we can’t be friends forever. At our final year in high school, no communication was made between us and I’ve gotten involved into other stuff as YFC, so I’ve grown to like working outside the campus.

That was then when I met my first boyfriend, John Ivan Mantiquilla. We were YFC’s and he was my chapter head. I thought I love him. Now that I think about it, I really wasn’t in love with him, I was just enthralled to feeling of being loved because the heart break from Brian was unbearable. I just wanted to tell myself at that time that I am over and done with Brian and that I can prove everyone that I can get myself a boyfriend if I want. Our relationship lasted for two months because of some complications in our families and service. We broke up. We haven’t had a decent and civil communication until we were in third year college. We are now both leading our lives the way it should be. He’s happy with his girl and I am happy yet searching for that someone who’ll make me feel that heaven is here on earth.
College life went on. I liked a lot of guys, mostly my brothers in YFC. I don’t really know if what I felt for them was real so now I refrain from saying I truly love them. Among those are, Kois Roxas, Miko Ramoso, Glen Charles Lopez and Marc Ycaro. I thought I love them but no.

Here comes another one that I think I felt real love in. He’s name is Mark Alvin Yagaya. He is a brother in YFC and the exact of what I dreaded to fall for. He is a SIGA member (less fortunate). He is full of himself even if he doesn’t admit it. When he talks I get hurt. And I think he is dumb. But I fell hard for him. I loved him for most of my college life. But he didn’t like me. Even for a friend I won’t pass. Our relationship was a plain you’re-my-sister-you’re-my-brother-no-more-no-less relationship. I chose to love him even if felt that I am just mocking myself. Because I love the feeling of being in love or the feeling of having someone to regard as someone you love.

Now I admit, I am over and done with Alvin now. He is n longer in my heart, because someone has come to replace him in it. This is my first time, after so many years, to love a person not in the community. I don’t want to say that I love him now. But I feel something for him. He is Mark Lester Gerardo, my classmate. I treat him as a brother because he’s older than me. I have forbidden myself to fall for him because that would mean losing another brother again. Also because someone was courting him and she was also our friend. I also tried not to fall for him because he said he doesn’t want to fall in love yet because of his past relationship failure.
I love the feeling of being in love. I love the feeling of having someone to be regarded as the one you love. I want to experience true love in God’s time because God said, true love waits. I bet I’ll have my love story anytime soon.