It's my 20th birthday today. And the clock says it's 2 am now. I really want to sleep but because I am to engrossed with the situations that are happening in my life, I want to think about it thoroughly. These situations are causing my life to be always gloomy. I don't really know what's happening to me now.
My heart, it's really burdened right now. Everything's been suffocating me to the point that I literally can't breathe. I pretty much wanted to cry ever since the first time I was hurt or I felt pain but no tears would come out of my tear ducts. I guess things aren't really much worth crying for nut still my heart is so heavy. So heavy that I can't contain any emotions that would hurt me again.
My mind, it's to cluttered. I've been trying to do a lot of thinking to analyze all the things that has been clogging my heart and mind. I've been trying to figure out if everything that has been happening to me or that caused my pain and my continuous sufferings are interconnected or has commonalities on them. I can't think straight. My thoughts would always drift away to unwanted memories and unpure thoughts thus blocking all the happy thoughts and memories in my mind.
I'm sad, incredibly sad, I;ve been like this for most of my life and I just can't seem to do my way out of this crap. I haven't found and done what I really want in my life. I wasn't allowed to do everything that I want to do because of certain boundaries and beliefs. Maybe if I breakfree, if I breakloose, all that's been bothering me, all that's been burdening me, all that's cluttering in my mind, all that's clogging in my heart would be gone and I'll be able to be happy again. I'll be able to live my life again. Maybe. Someday.
The problem with me is that I am always restricted by a box. I am so scared to take risks that if I do something, if I say something, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want that anymore. I wamt to break loose. I want to be me. I want to be the real me.
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