The Hardest Thing..

I had gone through so many struggles in my life, akala ko, law school na yung pinakamahirap na hinurdle ko sa buong buhay ko, until bar review. When we graduated, I thought the Bar was the hardest thing I have ever have to hurdle in my entire life tapos lahat na ng struggles, lahat na ng problema kaya ko lagpasan kasi napatunayan ko na sa sarili ko na kayo kong maging abogado, kaya ko ano man yung gusto ko mangyari sa buhay ko. Pero hindi pala. Reviewing for the Bar while getting over you was the hardest thing I ever have to do. Getting over someone I thought was my future. Someone who had my best interests at heart. Someone who finally understand me. This is, by far, the hardest thing I ever have to do. Ang hirap! Sobrang hirap! Yung hindi ako pwedeng makaIimot ng kahit isa sa mga naaccumulate kong knowledge these past months but at the same time I have to forget about you. Everything connected about you. Everything I dreamed and planned about you. The future I wanted with you.

Sorry Ian, I just miss you so much. Kelangan ko 'to ilabas. Hindi pwede sa iba. Ayokong masira ka sa kanila. Di ko naman hawak mga isip nila kung anong magiging interpretation nila sa sasabihin ko kaya sayo ko nalang sinasabi. Sorry, di ko kasi kayang sarilinin eh. I am still in the process. Alam kong possible eh. Nakita ko sayo. Nahirapan ka makaget-over kay Val pero naging possible.

Thank you because I know you are still there for me. I know you are a trusted friend and I can't wait to be casually talking to you. I can't wait to remember you and not be hurt by the mere thought of you. Hanggang ngayon kasi masakit pa rin, kahit minsan nalang tayo magkatext at bar-related lang, masakit pa rin sakin na ganito na tayo ngayon, though I understand that you can't be with me.

How did we end up here? I shouldn't have pushed for more when you asked me to watch that movie. I shouldn't have spent the Holy Week with you. We should've stayed friends because I haven't met anyone better than you at everything. Even when I'm in pain, even when you were the cause, you are still the remedy I seek.

Frankly, I don't know how to get over a heartbreak such as this. But someday I will. Today and from the last day I saw you I still miss you. I cannot imagine being in love with anyone like I did with you. But I will try again, someday.

And now, back to the Bar. :)