Sarap..:)

"Gawin mo kung anong makakapagpasaya sa'yo.."

Masarap pa din talaga makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko hanggang ngayon. Kahit na madaling araw na at dapat ay natutulog na sila bilang gawain naman talaga nila ang matulog ng maaga.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan at makipagpalitan ng kuro-kuro sa kanila tungkol sa mga bagay bagay sa buhay at bigla ko nalang naisip, ang bilis lang pla ng 20 taon. Pagkatapos ng 20 taon ulit, magagawa pa kaya namin 'to? O may kausap na dn kaya ako na bata na katulad ko ay mura pa ang pananaw sa mga ganitong bagay sa edad ko ngayon at ipapasa ko lang ang mga natutunan ko mula sa mga magulang ko.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko dahil sila lang ang may kayang bumara sa akon at bumatok sa akin ng wala akong magawa kundi tumahimik at makinig nalang bilang karaniwan naman talaga ay ako ang nambabara at nambabatok sa mga tao.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa kanila. Kanina, naramdaman ko, pagkalipas ng ilang taon din na hindi talaga kami nagkkwentuhan ng matino simula ng maging abala ako sa kolehiyo at sa serbisyo ko sa YFC, na may mga bagay pa din talaga na hindi magbabago.

Tulad ng hindi mawawala ang usapan tungkol sa aking pagkabata, kamusta ang aking pag-aaral, relasyon sa mga tao, aking pag-uugali,mga future plans at mga pangaral nila sa akin para sa finale.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko, dahil nagagawa ko mangarap kapag kausap ko sila, sa kanila, mabilis gumana ang imahinasyon ko at bumibilis ang pag-iisip ko.

Masarap makipag-usap sa mga magulang ko, kinilig ako..:)

1st day discovery..

I discovered that I am doubtful..

Help me.. (randomness)

I've been feeling lonely and depressed lately. It's because I can't stop holding on to the past and everything's been crazy lately.

I've been into an aweful lot of issues lately. Issues about friendship, Lovelife and family that are making my nerves explode..

What are my issues anyway? It's so random, I just can't seem to elaborate about it anymore.

Lately, a lot of people are asking me to tell them about what's really happening with me. Well, to tell them frankly, I don't know either.

Here are random thoughts from what happening with me:

*Some friends aren't really true all..
*I am doubtful..
*I am inlove to a friend..
*I am hurting so much that I don't know what's/who's really hurting me..
*I am jealous..
*I am envious..
*I am sad because of these..
*I don't know now how to be happy..
*I feel that I am mean and bitchy..
*I am a world-class plastic..
*I am not me anymore..
*I don't know what's happening..
*I'm lost..
*I can't express what's happening..
*I don't know what I know..
*I can't seem to find or remember what I've learned..
*I'm angry..
*I'm afraid..
*I'm hopeless..
*I'm frustrated..
*I'm weird..
*I don't know what to do..
*I think I need help but I don't know what kind of help..


and the list goes on..

Learn Mac Book!

Before I start with this article, I want to ask what Operating System are you using in your desktop or laptop? But before you answer that, I just want to give you a brief review about Operating Systems. An operating system (commonly abbreviated to either OS or O/S) is an interface between hardware and user; an OS is responsible for the management and coordination of activities and the sharing of the resources of the computer.

The Operating Systems that I know are Mac, Windows, Linux and Ubuntu. The most common among these are Mac and Windows. Windows OS is being loved because it's very user-friendly. Mac OS, on the other hand, is being loved by its skins and icons. It really looks cute but it is hard to manage. Therefore, people who are just new into using Mac cannot really cope up easily into its interface.

One of the most common command in the Mac OS is how to create ZIP archives. In windows, it's very easy to create ZIP archives. But in Mac, it's different. Just go through this tutorial on How to Create ZIP Archives in Mac OSX. I am pretty sure that this tutorial can help you in creating zip archives which will be very helpful to us especially in sending bulk of files. We can just but it in a zip archive and voila! All the files and folders can be in just one zip file. :)

Another Friendship Failed.. Another Blessing in Disguise?

And for the nth time.. I have another failed friendship.. Really, what's going on? Or what's with me.. Urgh..

Today, I asked Diana (my classmate) why she was ignoring me last tuesday and also why she's not able to look me in the eyes today when we saw each other. She said, she doesn't want to deceive me anymore.

This is what she really told me thru text:

"Xgeh d2 q na sbhn.. Mgging honest na q, Unang dhlan dhl ngtmpo xken xobra ang grupo ko dhl sobra aqong lapt sau, aware k nman xguo na ayaw nla xau.. ok lng sna un, e peo kc ang d q matake ay yang atityud mu... Alam mu namang d q gus2 ugli ni honey, mgkaprehas pla kau, isa pa cnadya q dn ung pagbulabog ng 2l0g mu,s0ri, huh!, ayst...Pxnxa na d q gus2ng plztikn k kya lau n lng aq..."

I say, WTF! Why the hell would I deserve this kind of treatment? all of them were really pissing me. And I can't talk back. I mean, I can't right? It's not appropriate to talk back and besides I can't change her, she already has decided. Why the hell am I like this? Or what the hell is wrong with me? why are all the people I love's been ditching me? It's not like I have done something grave. I swear what the f***?!!! I really don't know what's happening..

It wasn't like I was asking for our exclusivity. It wasn't like I'm asking her to get out of her group and join me to sulk in my misery. It wasn't like I was asking her to give me advices on my problems. It wasn't like I told her to just be friends with me and ditch her other friends. It wasn't like I was owning her.

NO!! It wasn't like that!

All I want is for her to be a friend to me. To be a listener when I can't take it anymore. To be able to pray for me when everything fails and I've got no one to back me up. All I want is for her to be there when I look back and needed a hug because I've been frightened of what's in front of me. All I want is for her to be there when I need her and also to be there for her when she's the one in need.

I'm not asking much..

I just her want to be a true friend to me because I really need one because we both agree that it's really hard to find real friends in the four walls of our classroom.. Everybody's being a fake, including us. I thought we agreed on this but I was wrong.

I realized, I have really few friends but nonetheless, these few haven't left me since the day we met until now. They are true to me, and I can feel it my bones. They met me at my best, they saw me thru my weakest and they've gone with me thru my worst yet they stood by me, with firm love and understanding.

Thanks friends, who's always been there for me thru it all. You know who you are..:)

Yes, I am hurt, but still, I am thankful that this event happened to me now. I believe that God is up to something great for me. He's molding me into someone greater, someone more awesome than I thought I could be because I can feel it. The molding and crafting really hurts for now, but I know I still have to endure it to enjoy myself better and also to serve and love more people in better way that I can.

Just like an exquisite vase, the potter breaks an old pot into pieces, heats it in a high temperature and molds it to be the best shape it could be.

I am the vase and God is my potter..

Randomness on my 20th..

It's my 20th birthday today. And the clock says it's 2 am now. I really want to sleep but because I am to engrossed with the situations that are happening in my life, I want to think about it thoroughly. These situations are causing my life to be always gloomy. I don't really know what's happening to me now.

My heart, it's really burdened right now. Everything's been suffocating me to the point that I literally can't breathe. I pretty much wanted to cry ever since the first time I was hurt or I felt pain but no tears would come out of my tear ducts. I guess things aren't really much worth crying for nut still my heart is so heavy. So heavy that I can't contain any emotions that would hurt me again.

My mind, it's to cluttered. I've been trying to do a lot of thinking to analyze all the things that has been clogging my heart and mind. I've been trying to figure out if everything that has been happening to me or that caused my pain and my continuous sufferings are interconnected or has commonalities on them. I can't think straight. My thoughts would always drift away to unwanted memories and unpure thoughts thus blocking all the happy thoughts and memories in my mind.

I'm sad, incredibly sad, I;ve been like this for most of my life and I just can't seem to do my way out of this crap. I haven't found and done what I really want in my life. I wasn't allowed to do everything that I want to do because of certain boundaries and beliefs. Maybe if I breakfree, if I breakloose, all that's been bothering me, all that's been burdening me, all that's cluttering in my mind, all that's clogging in my heart would be gone and I'll be able to be happy again. I'll be able to live my life again. Maybe. Someday.

The problem with me is that I am always restricted by a box. I am so scared to take risks that if I do something, if I say something, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want that anymore. I wamt to break loose. I want to be me. I want to be the real me.

Randomness..

I really don't know why and how I am able to think clear today. I haven't slept yet and my head is still spinning because of a tiring MakMan class and an annoying and confusing HBO class.

I have no idea unto how I'm able to handle such emotional disturbances this past weeks. My heart has been in to roller coaster these days and I'm just tired to process everything.

A friend told me that she got raped and I don't know how to accept or react to that. Especially because that person is close to me and I love her. I just don't know how to make her feel that nothing has changed and that I still love and respect her.

It's hard to always absorb the sadness of people around me while there's no one whole do it for me when I'm the one who's sad. I need someone who'll talk me out in all the clutters in my mind, someone who can relate and that I don't need to relate everything that has happened because she's involved. I just don't what to do. I might breakdown if I won't let it out. And I'm just thankful that I have blogs like this.

And my prayer life, super struggle for me. With all that's going in my mind, I think I don't have the right mind to pray. I can't hink clearly and I'm dying to get myself to do the things that I want to do and not those that are pre-requisites. I'm definitely in lost right. I just know that I really need help right now..

(SIGH..)