Day 4 of Journalling

Today, I noticed I was calmer when I wake up at my own pace and I am not rushed by anything. Of course, I was a bit annoyed when Mama shouted that they were about to go to the funeral. I went back to sleep. I was only again woken up by my alarm but at that time, I was already ready to wake up.

I got an email for an SEO job. I know SEO but I don't know how to. I talked to Alex. She said I should prepare first before answering the email. Good thing we have Skillshare now.

I decided to clean my room and reorganize the furniture AGAIN. I also wanted to try on the wallpaper. I managed to cover one wall and decided to reorganize the furniture. It sucks! My idea was that I was to position my work area facing back from my bed so that I won't get tempted to be lazy. This is kind of when I was looking for positions for my study table so that I can't be lazy to study only I am lazy by nature since I was not enjoying that anymore. I enjoy writing. I enjoy reading. I enjoy speaking.

Magic of New Beginnings..

 It's already a cliche, talking about the magic of new beginnings. A lot has mentioned this when they are about to change their life and that's pretty much what I wanted to do. At the beginning of 2019, devastated from a recently (not really recent because it has been 11 months since the relationship ended) and frustrated about not living the life that I imagined living since I wanted to the things I was not able to do when I was still in law school. I vowed to do them in 2019. Well, that relationship ended in February 2018 but I still kind of lingered for a couple of months and still lingered but no longer expected for her to come back. Anyway, as early as December 2018, I decided I will no longer have connections with my ex anymore and just focus on creating the life that I want. When 2019 started, I listed some goals that I wanted to achieve within the course of the year or by the end the year.

With each step, it becomes easier to walk away from the norm. And I can say it is really hard. You will disappoint and offend a lot of people, especially those that are supporting your current lifestyle, those that love you no matter what, but at the end of it all, what really matter and what is important is that you are happy with the choices, steps and decisions you make. The beginning is always the hardest but it gets easier with every decision. And with every win, something in you solidifies and you become happy as you walk away to a happy life.

It's the last day of July today, my sister's birthday, however, I am feeling a bit frustrated because it has been three months that I am unemployed. I do not know exactly when but I decided to just go full-time with freelancing. Applying was not a problem, however, I was having a hard time getting up and going to interviews whenever I have an appointment. It's particularly hard because I don't have money. I think all my money went to set up my Singapore Trip this August 16-19, but I also did not want to go out and interact with people other than my family and Alex.

I'm thinking whether I was still depressed because this resembled what happened in 2017 after I learned that I flunked the Bar. However, this is a different case now. I really did not want to interact with people just because I did not like people in general. It is not like before when I was in hiding because I was avoiding the topic of me flunking the Bar at that time. I read that when you are lonely, it is more likely that you wanted to be alone. That was me before, I always wanted to be alone and that I just wanted my ex to give me attention. Over the course of 2018, after going to her house for the last time and not seeing her there, drinking till a dropped and not get any response from her, I decided to just stop and pick myself up because this is not me. I have become pathetic and desperate in every sense of those descriptions.

Day 3 of Journaling

I woke up at 4 am but I did not stay awake. I was thinking of why am I waking up THAT early? It's not like I needed my alone time YET. I really wanted to be alone. I like being alone and doing things alone. I have been doing things alone for most of my life. Of course, I rely on my mom to do the other household stuff in the house but I can do it too.

Alex and I have plans to move to Cebu next year. I don't want to call it living in but that's pretty much what is going to happen.

Recently, I have been so stressed out and sad about not getting writing jobs. I wanted to have that locked down before having to move to Cebu. I want to be self-supporting and independent but I can't yet. My parents do not know that this is not yet a stable and regular thing. I am getting frustrated but it's only been 3 months since I was unemployed and a month after I have decided I will do this full working from home for fulltime.

I am editing this travel blog with Wix. I need better images and also put my stories first before I publish the website. I plan to post my travels on that website and my experiences with life. At the beginning of 2019, devastated I recently (not really recent because it has been 11 months) ended a relationship and I wanted to the things I was not able to do when I was still in law school. I vowed to do them in 2019. Well, that relationship ended in February 2018 but I still kind of lingered for a couple of months and still lingered but no longer expected for her to come back. Anyway

I was listening to a book in Blinkist earlier, The Robots are coming! by Andres Oppenheim. It scared me a little since the profession that I wanted or what I was trying to practice will be replaced by robots or technological advancements someday. But then I think that won't happen in a very long time or just for 10-15 years because the Philippines is a bit delayed with the technological advancements.

I should assign a day dedicated to just learning through Skillshare.

Day 2 of Journaling..

Today, I've noticed I am not as active as yesterday. I went back to bed again as I don't feel like moving today. But I have to get up and do something though.

I got up and went downstairs. I saw Mountain Dew as I was getting water in the refrigerator. It's cold but whatever. I want it. I want something sweet. I want cake too but I haven't bought one. I've been craving sinc4e last week but I won't buy since I'm so lazy, I don't have money and no one would buy for me. If only Alex is here.

At 2:30pm today, we met at Shakey's Buting to celebrate Grace's birthday tomorrow. We talked about the condition of her baby. Luna's (her baby's name) organs, not just her lungs, were not in the proper position. Apparently, TMC has declined for them to apply as a charity case. She's choosing between Makati Medical Hospital or St. Lukes Hospital in BGC. I told her to consider proximity since either way both of these hospitals have complete facilities for Luna and I believe St. Luke's is nearer to them since BGC is nearer to Buting than Makati Medical Hospital.

I was planning a baby shower for her also but I decided to forgo the big celebration. Simple nalang since baka nga kasi mangailangan sya ng help after delivery.

Nagtext nga pala yung fire volunteer na friend ni ate riah. Kukunin na daw yung donations since may sunod kanina sa Maybunga. Ok na rin. For donations nalang talaga yung mga yun. Ayoko na sila isuot.

I haven't landed a job. Akeem Murray has not messaged me yet regarding his feedback. I don't know if he liked my article. In the meantime, I found this website that caters to Filipino freelancers only.

I am trying to create a website with Wix. Some of the jobs in Upwork requires this skill or skill in creating a website, video editing, audio editing, copywriting, proofreading. I want to land a full-time writing job to be qualified to proofread. I believe I can do it but I just want writing experience first. I also wanted to write a book.

I used to believe that I love you was enough.

I used to believe that I love you was enough. And that if you both love each other it would be easy and it would be stupid to not be together. And that love is supposed to conquer everything. I must have been, somehow, bitter at the outcome of my first serious relationship. No matter how I tried to stay positive in life. I must have been angry all this time because I feel defeated and betrayed. I told my secrets. I bared myself. But I trusted the wrong person.

Love is enough. God is Love. God is enough.

I will never stop believing in love because that is what lead me to you and ultimately, to my true self. And it is what has got me through all this time. When I finally meet the person that is worthy of my trust and love, I would be ready, physically, emotionally and mentally. I hope the same for you.

I know I said it a hundred times, but I'll say it anyway. Thank you for allowing me to feel this when I'm still at my worst. I thought that you can never handle me even at my best. Thank you for making me realize my true self. Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for the times you made me feel loved. And thank you for making me part of your future even for a brief period.

I'd probably love you always in a certain way. I have built a future with you in it, It will take years to get you out of my system.

Day 1 of Journaling

I really wanted to get on with writing and making a blog and also a podcast. I really did not want to try YouTube but in some way, I want to have a creative outlet. I figured I should start blogging again, not just personally but create my blog as well.

I watched some classes on Skillshare today. One of them was about habit, another is about the podcast and the last one was about writing.

It’s a 10-day challenge to the journal. But I have already been manually writing in my journal so I want to create a digital one. This is to awaken and enhance my writing skills since I wanted to rely on that for my livelihood to create and live the life that I want.

Day 1 of Journaling

Today, I noticed the difference in waking up early versus staying in bed when my alarm has already gone off. My body feels lighter. Also, my head is clearer. I was able to accomplish so much in a short amount of time. I also noticed that talking to my boyfriend, waking her up, doesn’t really make a difference. I’m fine on my own. Of course, I love her but I am already my own person with or without her.

I really to write about something but I don't what to write about. This class in Skillshare is really helping. And I should really stop using really. It's just annoying to read to.

In my application for jobs to Upwork, I claim that I can write about any topic. It's true though. However, it's been a long time since I've written anything. I'm not writing for leisure. I was writing based on feelings that is why I had a hard time writing about dog supplement recently as per the requirement of my client.

I hope to write a novel. I also, hope to write again about any topic, especially because research has become easier with the advent of the internet. I hope Akeem finds me worthy to be given projects.

I applied to jobs in Onlinejobs.ph. I hope I get these writing jobs especially now that I have been trying to save up for my future plans and I wanted to live on my own and travel soon.

I', trying to learn sony vegas for a very long time now but I can't get or find the time to do it. I'll try to learn it now. Maybe I can add that as a skill to my resume and increase my probability of being hired.

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