Day 6 of Journalling

Today, I noticed that it hasn't stopped raining since last night. I'm still thinking about whether there are classes today. I never paid attention to if there is a suspension in Pasig. I had always looked at Manila since I was a student there for 9 years and I reviewed for 2 years in Ne Manila. That is near Manila. I lived in Manila too for 6 or 7 months. I saw that Yorme Isko already suspended the classes. I did not see any announcement from Mayor Vico.

I'm a bit frustrated about Mayor Vico, however, it's just August.

I'm just so lazy to go out right now and to do anything at all. I'm just watching Youtube videos and drinking coffee. I have decided not to join my parents to the family appointment with El Shaddai, however, I must take a bath and go to the church tomorrow. I feel that not taking a bath hinders me from doing the tasks that I want to do and kind of just makes me lazy in general. I think I have to get up and take a bath and do the morning things that I need to do to get me pumped up for the day before I wake Alex up. This will apply to when we are finally living together.

It is looking sunny outside and I am feeling guilty that I did not join my parents so I closed my curtain to create an illusion that it is still dark. I actually wanted to open my curtains when I sleep so that I can let the sunlight in when I wake up without opening the windows and having to listen to the early morning chat of my neighbors outside but my room is directly looking through another window that keeps their lights on at night, probably their living room, because that is what we do too, so I cannot open it since I would not be able to sleep.

I really wanted to do condo living since I do not want neighbors. And I am in a lesbian relationship. It will just be us. No kids. I do not want any pets. Alex and I do not want any kids because we want to travel a lot. She also knows that I do not want to take care of anything or worry about anything only her we would not have any pets.

I know a lot of people but I don't know if I have even 10 "friends" in the deep sense of that word. We might have known each other at some point in our lives, shared some moments, but, are you really my friend or have I been a true friend to you or are we friends or even just connected (not in a digital sense)?

I finally decided to just open the windows to my room to let the natural light in. I think I will take a bath too since I do not feel like doing anything anymore. It is just clear that I will not do any work today but I want to just chill but in this room, it is not going to work.

The sun is full shining outside and I feel so awful for not going with my parents to Amvel. Although, I feel a little bit well since I ate. I do not really feel hunger when you are sitting down but when I get up, the world is spinning. I had my first real meal for the day after taking a bath. I feel and smell gross. Ever since I turned 29 or ever since I saw Rowena Tsai's video about being a productive potato ( I did not know such term exists), I refuse to just be a couch potato and not just do anything like just taking a bath. I think that helps with my overall mood. It is like taking a bath will wake me up and get me to do things.

I watched this Youtube video of Lilian talking about her sexuality, she is bisexual. In a sense, I identify with her explanation of bisexuality, however, I do not identify with any gender identity in the LGBTQIA spectrum.

Alex is a hard butch lesbian. At the moment, I am not attracted to anybody. I am never attracted to anybody when I am committed to a relationship. I love her.

I am listening to Detail Therapy and I am already pretty moved by Amy Landino in AmyTV, what she talks about, what she does, but, now I am listening to her inspirations Mel Robbins and Gretchen Rubin. And they are both lawyers. This is so enlightening and affirming that I am on the right track. I do not want to be that old and figure out that I do not want to be lawyering. Right now, I have failed the bar three times and I think that is God's way of saying that lawyering is not for me. I really wanted to write a book. But I do not what I want to write about.