My Biggest Fear

I have a big faith in the Lord. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and that the Lord has planned everything even before we set foot on this planet. But an aspect of my life hinders me now to fully believe in that belief that I held on for so many years.

My brother died more than a year ago because of rheumatic heart disease and typhoid fever. Since then, my parents became extra protective of us, their remaining children. They became extra caring to us. But I can feel the detachment they are making to not allow their hearts to be so close to us. As parents, I know that they love us dearly, but because of what had happened to my brother, the trauma left them loving us, their remaining children,in a distance.

Lately, I’ve been sickly and accident prone. I don’t know why. But week after week, I would always have an ailment, an accident and would be down at the sick bed for weeks. My body is weakening and I am feeling a writhing pain occasionally and would fell unconscious without me knowing it. It felt like half of my body is burning,, like big needles where piercing through my right half of the body.

My mom once told me out of the blue, “Ayoko nang mawalan ng isa pang anak.” This statement shocked me. How can I tell her that I am in pain? How can I tell her that I am suffering? Things could have been easier if my mom didnt say that because probably now, I am complaining to them. I am probably telling them now to come home and attend to my needs because I am writhing in pain, alone in this house, with no one else to cry unto.

My biggest fear now is death. I’ve fearing death ever since my brother died. I wasn’t afraid of it before for I know everybody will eventually die.

I fear death not because I am not ready of the consequences it will bring to the people I will leave, not because I don’t see myself lying on the death bed, not because I don’t believe in heaven. I fear death because of my parents.

I saw my brother dying with my own two eyes. I saw my parents broke down when it happened. I saw everything happening before my own two eyes and I can’t do anything about it while it was happening. I was just standing there, like watching a nightmare unfold before my eyes.

I was so afraid. I am still afraid until now. I don’t know how I managed to stand still that night. I don’t know how I managed to stay this sane up to this very moment after a year when that devastating night happened.

I wasn’t allowed to breakdown and cry before because I had to be strong. I had to endure everything. Every tear that I want to shed for my brother, I kept it all inside me so no one can see my heart breaking. I had to be strong for everyone, for my mother who’s in the verge of insanity because her only dear and beloved son has died at a young age, for my sister, who’s very close to my brother, he was her favourite person, and for my father, who can’t show his tears like me because he had to be strong for the family to.

Web Directories are Great!

A couple of weeks ago, I was very disappointed to see my Page Rank slid to zero (0). It was two (2) then. Well, I got really addicted to blogging that's why my blog's rank really is a big deal for me. Hence, with all the efforts I've done, I don't want to waste any moment and be idle. I badly want my PR back, or even higher :D. Luckily, I got to know a web directory site and Max directory where I can submit my blog and be featured as their blog of the day. Yes, that easy. What's great here is that the blogs are chosen randomly to be featured. So, statistically speaking, your blog is of equal chance to be featured. *wink wink* And my PR's back. Sooner, I'm confident that my PR would raise, in time :D

Oh by the way, you can also try submitting your blogs in DMOZ and Yahoo Directories> I'm sure we will both benefit from it because there would be tons of visitors in our blog!

My Christmas wishes..

I'm not fond of making wish lists.. Because I don't believe in them.. Once, when I was young, I made one and that's the end of it.. I didn't make any wish list anymore.. I do make wishes but I don't have faith in them. It's just a mere expression of what I want to receive or happen but it doesn't mean that I believe it will happen,if it comes true, okay, if it doesn't, it's also okay..

But now, I have something I really wanted. I want itt so badly that I need to write it down and wish (and PRAY!) that Santa might read it and tell Jesus to grant me the wish..

I have two big wishes for this Christmas..

1.) Please Let me Graduate this May 2010.

2.) Please Let me have my chance on love.

I know the first is reasonable enough for God to grant my wish. Call me pathetic and desperate, but I still want the second to come true. I do want to fall in love, again, madly, deeply, that I can and don't wanna let go. i want a love that will last forever. This time, the love I'm asking God is what I really want for my future. I want to fall in love and also be loved too. I want to feel loved like I am the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I want to feel God's love through a man the Lord God has destined for me.

Lord, I am not asking much. All I want for Christmas is this two wishes. I am yours and yours alone and I have no complaint on that. Just this two wishes for this Christmas, please Lord.

Mahal ko pa din sya.. pero ngayon, iba na..

Minsan, inakala ko na okay na ko. Akala ko, itong nararamdaman ko, humantong na sa hangganan. Akala ko hindi ko na kaya magmahal. Akala handa na ko sa bagong simula. PEro hindi pa pala.

Nang makita ko sya, mas lalo ko lang napatunayan na isang malaking kalokohan ang ginagawa ko sa sarili ko. Mas lalo ko lang nalaman na hindi naman pala basta basta mawawala ang nararamdaman mo kapag sinabi mong gusto mong magmove on kasi likod palang, maiiyak ka na kasi sobra mo pala syang pinapangarap.

May kaibigang nagsabi sa akin, "tumigil ka na, wag na sya, wag mo na sya pangarapin, wag mo na sya pagpantasyahan."

Gusto ko sana. Pinilit ko naman eh. Ginusto ko naman. Pero wala pa din nangyari. Iba talaga kapag sya lang ang nakikita ng mga mata mo kahit hindi mo naman literal na nakikita sya.

Ayoko sabihing pangarap ko lang sya. Hindi ko sya pinangarap. Kung may choice lang ako, titigil naman talaga ako. Eh anong magagawa ko, nagmamahal ako.. At ang masaklap, hindi nya kayang ibalik ang mga nararamdaman ko.

Ngunit kahit ganun, masaya ang pagmamahal ko. Dahil nagmamahal ako. Wala mang kapalit, okay lang. Kasi hindi ko naman sya pangarap.

Mahal ko sya. Mahal ko pa din sya. Sa kabila ng mga nagdaang panahon, mahal ko pa din sya. Pero ngayon, iba na.

Hanggang dun lang..

"Hanggang tingin lang naman ako sa kanya, bawal lumapit, lalong bawal humawak. Bawal kumapit at bawal umasa." habang nagcecelebrate kami ng mga kaibigan ko kanina sa isang tambayan malapit sa skul, nakita ko sya, sobrang lapit lang, pero hindi ko pwedeng abutin. Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na hindi ka na makapagpigil at nararamdaman mong bumabaon din ang paningin nya sa'yo, na sa bawat paglingon mo sa direksyon nya, huling huli mo ang mabilis nyang paglingon din nya.

Lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat ng kasama ko na andun ka. Na sa tuwing tatama ang mata ko sa kabuuan mo, may kumukurot sa puso ko, sa bawat lingunan natin pakiramdam ko ay may pangungulila. At ang pinakamasakit, nakikita kong malungkot ang iyong mga mata. Wari bang ipinahihiwatig mong hindi ka naman talaga masaya.

Alam kong hindi ka masaya. Nasasaktan akong makitang malungkot ka. Hindi kita mahawakan. Maalalayan man lang. Hindi pwede. Bawal. Hanggang tingin lang ako. Sana mabasa mo ang mensahe sa mga mata ko. Andito lang naman ako, hinihintay ang bawat sabog ng damdamin mo, bilang KAIBIGAN. Oo. Bilang kaibigan lang.

Pagod at Pahinga..

PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO.PAGOD AKO.PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO. PAGOD AKO.

PAGOD AKO!!!

Kakatapos lang ng sectorcon tapos metrocon na naman ang aatupagin. Napapagod na ko. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung gusto ko pa tong ginagawa ko. Hindi ko na alam kung masaya pa ko o kung ginagawa ko lang 'to dahil kelangan, dahil sabi ng ibang tao. Hindi ko na ata nakikita ang Diyos dito. Parang ayoko na magPROD. Pero wala naman akong magagawa kasi YCOM ako.. At saka ito ang programa ko. Eto naman talaga yung service ko. It's what I do to please and glorify God. Dito ko mapapakita na mahal ko Sya.

Sana nasasabi ko lang 'to kasi pagod ako at hindi dahil hindi na ko natutuwa sa mga ginagawa ko.

*Sinulat ko 'to mga ganitong panahon din nung nakaraang taon. Nahagilap ko lang sa mga credentials ko kasabay ng nakita ko ang nakakaloka kong dalawang grade sa isang subject. Anyway, sa pagbabasa ko nito, nainis ako sa taong nagsulat nito nung nakaraang taon, nainis ako sa dating ako. Puro reklamo, puro kapaguran nalang nya yung inaatupag, puro yung kasiyahan nalang nya yung iniisip. Hmm.. Narealize ko na nakakainis pala ako dati (at least ako nainis sa sarili ko at hindi ang ibang tao). Hindi ko alam kung nagbago ako ngaung taon na 'to eh. Alam ko puro pa din talaga k reklamo. Madami pa din akong inis, madami pa din akong tanong, pero sana may nagbago. Napapagod pa din ako, pero sa pagkakataong 'to, marunong na ko magpahinga sa panahong kinakailangan ng pahinga para hindi umabot sa exhaustion. Para hindi umabot sa sasabog na yung galit ko o yung damdamin ko..Sana sa pagkakataong 'to, naggrow na ko..

Best Friend..

I was browsing through my batchmates in high school's recent photos and I can't help but to think about them..

I wonder how are they doing with their lives.. I don't have news about them for the past years ever since we entered college. Even my closest batch mate since grade school, Kathlene Rapadas, I don't have any definite news about her even though our moms are best friends.

I can't help but reminisce about high school.. Many years has passed.. So many events have occurred and many things should have changed amongst us. I wonder what it is that changed in them.

Yesterday, I chatted with my best friend in high school, Brian Soliven. I'm happy with the change that he showed me. He's so talkative now unlike before. He's open to talk about all things in his life that I need not ask questions just to keep the conversation going. I so miss him. He even encouraged me to get a boyfriend so my christmas won't be lonely, haha, what a friend..:) One of these days, I'll ask him to meet up with me. I so miss him. Only that, he's happy now with his 3-years girlfriend. You see, I loved him before, in high school. I don't love him anymore in a romantic way but sure there is always love in my heart for him as a friend because I was able to see the real him before he changed into a better person know. I loved him before, surely I'll love him more now that his better. I want to be friends again with him. Best friends again, if he'll allow..

Gold's not old

Gold, in my own perspective, is the most precious element of all time. Therefore, once you sell gold or a gold coin, that would really be expensive. For women, when they are given a gold by a man, it's really a great thing and it would really make them flash a big smile on their face.

Do you have any idea where to buy gold or gold coins? In your place, you can visit the nearest pawnshop. But do you know where to buy gold and gold coins online? You can buy gold coins online at goldcoinsagain.com. You can even sell a gold bullion. If you're a gold coins collector, this is the right and best website for you. You can buy affordable gold coins that you've been waiting for a long time.

It's better to buy gold coins online because you can just stay relaxed while shopping for it. You can also avoid the crowd that's waiting for you at the mall which can lead to a stressful day. So what are you waiting for? Visit this website and know what's in store for you.

Decision Making

Making a decision isn't easy, especially when you are dealing about things that are both good for your future.

As of the moment, I am dealing with my decision on staying in Central B as a sector YCOM head. I am thinking that I can no longer stay because in my heart I am not passionate anymore. Also because I feel that I am doing things just for the hang of it. I am doing things as if it's a job and not a thing that I love doing. And most of all, I feel that I can no longer see the point of staying anymore.

On the contrary, I still feel that I have to stay because I have to finish my term this year. Also because, I feel that I still need to train Luis to stand up as the YCOM head. I also feel that I have to build relationship with my YCOM crew.

Honestly, I want to choose not to stay anymore because this will benefit a lot of people around me. And I find peace when I think about it. But still, questions are being raised, and reasons to stay are still showing.

I don't know. Maybe I still have to prayand think more about it..

Romantic Love can Wait..

Awhile ago, I was talking with a close college classmate through text. I asked him if I was able to say or talk about something about not wanting to have a love life or a relationship. And he said, I haven't mentioned anything to him about that in any of our conversations before..

Before that, I was racking my brain about it. Because I am wondering why Diane pointed me during the Metrocon Production Meeting last Thursday when we were talking about the sharer which would share about prioritizing academics over lovelife, not having a love life while studying that is.

As I remember, I am not against relationships, I also want to have a boyfriend, a husband and a family someday. But my parents say that I have to prioritize my studies first. It's not that I can't handle both. But there's a policy in our house so I have to abide it.

Talking about it, looking back, the many things I've done are because my parents say so or they would never allow me to do it, or I was thinking about their reputation. Filial, aren't I?

Another is because, I grew in a community that surrounds me with sibling love and also, my family gave me the love that I needed to suffice until I need to yearn for the other half of my life.

I don't know if I really have fallen in love before but I'm sure I've never been unloved before.

Romantic Love can wait..

Blessed Week..

While I was rummaging through my blog awhile ago when unexpectedly, I saw someone commented on my previous post. Not that I hated it, but it was just unexpected because no one knows that I have a blog, that I am aware of. It is well kept, as I would put it.. and the weird part is, I don't know who it was..

And so I clicked his name and was directed to her/his (confused with the gender) blog and read it. After reading it, somehow, I felt like he's/she's blogging about her/his daily life. Of course he would because it's his/her own blog but what I mean is that, he/she blogs because he/she wants to create a story of his/her life. *am I making any sense here?*

Okay, let's put it this way. I for one, blogs because I want to vent out my emotions in this blog. But the thing is, I blog when I have extreme emotions. I only blog when I feel like blogging. But this blogger that I encountered does it on a daily basis.

Maybe there are also bloggers who blogs about their daily lives. I commend them for that. I am a writer at heart. The problem is, I am lazy to do it.I feel like I lack the drive, the passion. and so reading this person's blog made me realize how much time I am wasting because of laziness..

Anyway, moving on.. I want to blog about my week. I feel that it has been a blessed week for me and my family. I'll start from Friday (September 25, 2009)

Friday. I was at home, and I have been using the computer since the moment I woke up until 5 am the next day.I was so into my computer that I didn't notice that the rain was pouring hard outside. Although I can hear the rain drops trickling on the roof and on the streets, still I didn't pay any attention to it. I've been asking my mama why papa is today. Normally, he'll be home by 9pm already because we watch the Prime Time shows as a way to kill time and that also sinals me to stand up and turn off the computer for awhile but that day, he's late. I think he arrived at 11 pm that night. Funny, because I wasn't aware that there's already a typhoon. I even forgot that I wanted to read the Daily Paper since last week and do that on a daily basis. At 5 am, I slept.

Saturday. I woke up to the noise my mama was making. And everybody in the house *i think* was restless. I got annoyed so I shouted at them. I fall asleep again but a moment later, I've been awaken by my mama shouting," gumising ka na, malulunod ka na jan!" And so I tried to get up and check what my mama was blabbering about only to feel a wet and cold feeling at my feet when I was looking for my slippers. So it was true, the water is already rising. For almost 10 years, our house, since it is reconstructed,haven't experienced a flood inside the house. Ours was higher than the streets even though we don't have a second floor so we were shocked that the water has flooded the inside of our house. Anyway, on the bright side, my 2-year old niece experienced walking on the flood. She thought we already have an indoor kiddie pool. Good thing the water isn't dirty *muddy in that sense* so we were able to play for a while. It was fun because we haven't done that in years.

Maybe I really woke up that early *I usually wake up at around 1-2pm*, so the rest of the day was boring. I wasn't able to text, because there's no signal for globe, no electricity so I can't watch tv or use the computer.. Being a family of silent people, it was hard for us to sit in one place and face each other. We usually do our own stuff so we won't be able to talk to each other often. I, for one, isn't a fan of noise or speaking much. I'd mostly appreciate it if you would stay silent beside me. This is the reason why I spend most of my time reading books, writing journals, texting friends or staying late at night in front of the computer.

Going back, I slept at the sofa that night. And damn it, because mosquitoes are zooming around me and biting me. I can't sleep well. Whenever I move, I'll get awaken because there's not enough space to move into *I might fall*.

Sunday. Since I slept at the sofa, my back was extremely aching *I have scoliosis,by the way*. I saw that everybody is up now so I went into my room *that was slept on by my sister and sister-in-law last night* to continue my sleep. I noticed that the flood outside has already subsided leaving slippery mud all over the streets. Papa wasn't allowing anyone of us to go out because he said, the parts of our street was still flooded and there are parts of the city that are still extremely flooded. I wasn't planning on going out so I just slept, maybe till 4pm?

The electricity came back around 5-6pm that day and I was able to go back to the silent me. but then again, classes were suspended the whole week so it's going to be a whole week for me and my family to face each other.

Monday-Wednesday.My day was routinized. I'll wake up at 1pm (latest), then eat, then watch tv, then use the laptop till morning and sleep again. And in between those things, I'll be pigging out the whole day. I won't have to worry about the house chores because fortunately, my sister-in-law hired a helper for the house. It's just embarrassing because the helper is barely 16 years old. Her name is Ana Mae and she's from Baras, Rizal. She's my sister-in-law's 3rd cousin saying that her Lola and my sister-in-law's Lolo were siblings. Again, I can't do anything but to help her with little things and talk to her once in a while. Making friends, I say. She's young yet she's working already for her family. Making friends with her and making her feel like a part of the family since she's a way from her family, that's the least thing I can do.

Thursday.A Metrocon production meeting is scheduled today so I headed at the center an hour after I woke up. I arrived at 2:15 pm and the first person I saw was Djo Ongtangco and seeing her, I felt relieved because I was worried with my friends living at the east area. The news says that the east part was very much affected by the typhoon Ondoy. I saw other yfc friends there and I thanked God that they are safe as well. The meeting was help at the Greenwich at Robinsons Galleria. It was fun. This is the first time that I have a meeting with them after the YCOM Training last summer. I didn't manage to attend the meetings for the preparation of the YCOM ACADEMY and the academy itself because I was very much busy with my classes and projects. And having a night-shift, for days a week class won't permit me to join them. The schedule was a conflict. I am happy that I get to see most of them now. especially the people that I love to work with. I am appointed as Visual Director and I am totally dumbfounded now because even though I know what are the things to do, I can't do it or I don't know how to do it. I am worried that I won't be able to do it well. and this is the freaking Metrocon! This is the 2nd largest event in the community here in the Philippines, next to ILC of course. If I manage to pull this up, I'll make it as the VD again this ILC. Another is that, Glen Lopez is the technical director and for God sake, Glen Lopez is YCOM! *and an old crush,that is*Maybe that is why ate Dana put me there. Anyway, I just hope that I'll manage to pull this off..

Anyway, the attendees were Djo Ongtangco, Glen Lopez, Lucky Dela Rosa, Dana Flores, Diane Famatigan, Jamo Tolentino, Benjo Magnaye *people that I love working with*. I've been working with them since ILC Tagaytay 2008 and there were also other people who are new to YCOM, Cy Dulaca, Luis Enriquez *partner*, Gerald Manapsal, Levin *west a, Jasmin Santos and her crew and also the other FTW that are working with us in the Programs Committee..

We were making fun of Cy Dulaca because he's been assigned for the Documentations. That was my all time designation and I told ate Dana Flores to spare me now of working at this designation so she put me on a more challenging work, VD. Anyway, Cy can't figure out what to do. I tried explaining but Djo and the others were blabbering other things and discouraging him with his assigned work. Well, goodluck to him. Any, I'll be helping him if he needs help.

After the meeting, we went back to the CFC center to accompany Diane Famatigan in getting her ID. She surrendered it earlier and forgot to get it back when we went to Galleria.I was with the east people *Djo, Luis, Diane and Cy, because I will be joining them in the bus going home later. Diane is heading to Paranaque because her family is staying there. Luis and I are central people but needs to pass the east are before we arrive at our own area.Cy, Djo, Diane, Luis and I went to 7/11 to buy drinks and food. It was a fun night *day* for all of us, if not, at least for me.

We rode a bus going to Cainta. Cy and Djo are getting off at Junction while Luis and I are getting off at Rosario.The Trip heading home was long so while sitting beside Djo, and Cy and Luis was on the seats beside us *were along the aisle*, we had our own conversations with our seatmates. Djo and I reminisced our first experiences in YCOM. While I overheard Luis and Cy, gossiping about each others' household mates.. haha.. Boys are really gossipers.. haha..

When I arrived home, Papa went home with a gallon of ice cream. We ate it like peanuts because in 30 minutes, the whole bucket was empty.

Friday. Nothing much has happened and this day was just like my monday to wednesday. Everything was routinized only that I don't get to use the damn computer because it broke down, I don't know why. My sister is using the laptop and won't lend it to me because she is freaking playing Plants vs Zombies. Duh?! It's not a valid reason. I don't get to use it until 11 pm. Everybody stops at 8pm because we'll be watching the Prime Time Bida. After Dahil May isang Ikaw, we'll scram off again to our businesses.. I was just happy that there are stocked food the whole week. I think I gained weight because I've been pigging out every night since the typhoon came.


I feel really blessed this week. I manage to spend each day with my family and friends. I'm blessed with the realization that I am more lucky than other people who became victims of this typhoon. I thank God that I still have a family to face everyday while others' family members are still missing and others are still out inn the flooded areas. I am very grateful for everything.

Regrets and Resentment..

Have you experienced the feeling of looking back all through those years that you've been through and then nonchalantly say, "I'm not satisfied at all.."

I can clearly remember that day, when I was about to enroll in the University that I strongly fought my parents to allow me to attend to.. It was, after all, one of the most prestigious universities in the country. Needless to say, with also the cheapest tuition fee in the world..

I was so determined to get into their Broadcast Communication program ever since I decided to enroll into it but damn FATE, yes, FATE, it has another plan for me. I won't go over the details as I remember I have blogged about it months ago.

I am very regretful that I wasn't so strong. I wasn't strong in the sense that I claim to be as one. I could have followed my heart and be happy with what I want and I could have been happier now. I'm feeling resentment whenever I ask what if I took the course, I could've been great, I could've made many friends, I could've been physically and emotionally well, I could've been happy and I wouldn't be worrying about my future now. I maybe taking the LAE now because I planned everything since day 1. I have figured out what I wanted to do in my life if only I get to do it as I planned. I maybe on my way to Law School by this June if I held on firm to my dreams..

I am regretful, resentment is taking over me, and I haven't stopped from asking the countless of what-ifs in my mind. I can't help it. Even though there are people telling me, "God has a greater plan", "It's not yet too late", and "You can still make the most of what you've got", I am not satisfied, I am not taking those words because in my heart, I already know what I want, I already know what would make me happy.

Eight years has passed since I started to lose my confidence.. Eight years since I started to drift away from people, Eight long years.. When I look back, I'm not happy with who I am today and that includes every bit of me.

I hate myself from asking these questions that would only deepen the hatred, sadness, frustrations and guilt in my heart but I just can't help it. This concerns my future and I'd be always living in a life full of regrets because once in my life, I let the opportunity of being happy pass.

I'm graduating this May 2010 and I pray that I would really be graduating. I want to be out of this course. I want to be out of this system that I know I didn't fit in since day one. I want to breakfree. I want to be strong again, and this time, for myself..

I would be going to Law School after I pass the LAE next September 2010 (that's the end goal of my plan before).. And maybe, just maybe, my happiness would start there..

Fail!

I'm running out of ideas. The fasibility study of strawberry farm in tagaytay shows that it is not feasible and I've verified it with the Bureau of Plant Industry. Everyone in the group is already backstabbing each other and I'm at lost as to who to believe, who to get angry with, who to talk back with, who to join, who to agree with. Everything's been confusing aand we only got 5 freaking days to finish everything. We're down to two choices and that is 1.) go with the feasibility study, take the risk and pray that we won't fail but I think, with the forgoing info that I've just found, we will, in no doubt fail or 2.)come up with a new business and cram.. ARGH! Talk about crunch time and I'm still blogging about it.. Pray for us please. I really wanted this to pass.

Law School it is..:)

I am happy, because the only profession that I wanted to become is now attainable for me..

When I was young, I always wanted to be a reporter and a lawyer, thus, I've planned my life to be patterned to that. In Grade School, I joined the School Paper Organization while in High School, I entered the Debate Club.

I was determined to be a corporate/legal lawyer someday so I planned to take Political Science if not Mass Communication as my Bachelor's Degree then I'll go straight to Law School.. That's why in all my entrance exams, I always put Political Science and Mass Communication (or related courses) as my choices.

But things didn't go smoothly as planned. While deciding on which University I would go, my parents were insisting that I go for Pamantasan ng Lugsod ng PAsig and take up Nursing..

At that time, I really wanted to go to University of Santo Tomas, if not, Polytechnic University of the Philippines because I wanted an independent environment suitable for my preparation to Law School.

But my parents said, "Okay, you can go to PUP, only that, you would take Accountacy as your course." WTH! I don't want to, but still, they won and after a year, I failed the course and shifted to Marketing.

All my hopes of becoming a reporter and a lawyer were gone because of the wrong choice of course. I was ready to do Events MArketing instead when I graduate because it's related to Mass Communication and in that way, I can compensate for the lost dream of being a reporter. But then, when my parents and I had a talk, I was surprised that Papa brought up the Law School topic. He asked me if how many units do I still have to take before graduation then he instructed me to finish Bachelor's Degree on time (since everyone is expecting me to graduate on May 2010) and then file for my admissions in Law School..

I was overwhelmed.. I thought he has forgotten about my dream. I haven't thought about it in years after I shifted. I haven't talked about it with my parents but it seems like they know me to well.

Weeks before this conversation, Papa was already calling me "Attorney" because of the show "Dahil May Isang Ikaw", and I always smile whenever he calls me "Attorney". Dating back from high school, I remembered a certain show which also have Lawyers as main characters,"Kaytagal Kang Hinintay". Papa was also calling me "Attorney Katrina" back then because the female protagonist played by Bea Alonzo was also named Katrina. So now, whenever papa calls me, he addressess me as "Attorney".

Talking about the Law School thing with my parents brought back so many things in me. It brought me back to what my real goal was. I brought back the sense of why I am studying, and why I need to study hard. This also brought my confidence and self-esteem back. This also enlightened me again to pray and ask for God's wisdom and will for this decision.

This decision will affect many things includong my service in YFC, my wanting to be a fulltime, career path and a lot more so I asked God to guide me through this decision and also allow me to finish the Bachelor's Degree on time so that I can graduate on May 2010 and Finally take the LAE by september on that year. Also that I would be preparedc to enter the Law School as I know I still have a lot to learn because I wasn't ableto take up a related course for it.

Law School, here I come!

Sarap..:)

"Gawin mo kung anong makakapagpasaya sa'yo.."

Masarap pa din talaga makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko hanggang ngayon. Kahit na madaling araw na at dapat ay natutulog na sila bilang gawain naman talaga nila ang matulog ng maaga.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan at makipagpalitan ng kuro-kuro sa kanila tungkol sa mga bagay bagay sa buhay at bigla ko nalang naisip, ang bilis lang pla ng 20 taon. Pagkatapos ng 20 taon ulit, magagawa pa kaya namin 'to? O may kausap na dn kaya ako na bata na katulad ko ay mura pa ang pananaw sa mga ganitong bagay sa edad ko ngayon at ipapasa ko lang ang mga natutunan ko mula sa mga magulang ko.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko dahil sila lang ang may kayang bumara sa akon at bumatok sa akin ng wala akong magawa kundi tumahimik at makinig nalang bilang karaniwan naman talaga ay ako ang nambabara at nambabatok sa mga tao.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa kanila. Kanina, naramdaman ko, pagkalipas ng ilang taon din na hindi talaga kami nagkkwentuhan ng matino simula ng maging abala ako sa kolehiyo at sa serbisyo ko sa YFC, na may mga bagay pa din talaga na hindi magbabago.

Tulad ng hindi mawawala ang usapan tungkol sa aking pagkabata, kamusta ang aking pag-aaral, relasyon sa mga tao, aking pag-uugali,mga future plans at mga pangaral nila sa akin para sa finale.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga magulang ko, dahil nagagawa ko mangarap kapag kausap ko sila, sa kanila, mabilis gumana ang imahinasyon ko at bumibilis ang pag-iisip ko.

Masarap makipag-usap sa mga magulang ko, kinilig ako..:)

1st day discovery..

I discovered that I am doubtful..

Help me.. (randomness)

I've been feeling lonely and depressed lately. It's because I can't stop holding on to the past and everything's been crazy lately.

I've been into an aweful lot of issues lately. Issues about friendship, Lovelife and family that are making my nerves explode..

What are my issues anyway? It's so random, I just can't seem to elaborate about it anymore.

Lately, a lot of people are asking me to tell them about what's really happening with me. Well, to tell them frankly, I don't know either.

Here are random thoughts from what happening with me:

*Some friends aren't really true all..
*I am doubtful..
*I am inlove to a friend..
*I am hurting so much that I don't know what's/who's really hurting me..
*I am jealous..
*I am envious..
*I am sad because of these..
*I don't know now how to be happy..
*I feel that I am mean and bitchy..
*I am a world-class plastic..
*I am not me anymore..
*I don't know what's happening..
*I'm lost..
*I can't express what's happening..
*I don't know what I know..
*I can't seem to find or remember what I've learned..
*I'm angry..
*I'm afraid..
*I'm hopeless..
*I'm frustrated..
*I'm weird..
*I don't know what to do..
*I think I need help but I don't know what kind of help..


and the list goes on..

Learn Mac Book!

Before I start with this article, I want to ask what Operating System are you using in your desktop or laptop? But before you answer that, I just want to give you a brief review about Operating Systems. An operating system (commonly abbreviated to either OS or O/S) is an interface between hardware and user; an OS is responsible for the management and coordination of activities and the sharing of the resources of the computer.

The Operating Systems that I know are Mac, Windows, Linux and Ubuntu. The most common among these are Mac and Windows. Windows OS is being loved because it's very user-friendly. Mac OS, on the other hand, is being loved by its skins and icons. It really looks cute but it is hard to manage. Therefore, people who are just new into using Mac cannot really cope up easily into its interface.

One of the most common command in the Mac OS is how to create ZIP archives. In windows, it's very easy to create ZIP archives. But in Mac, it's different. Just go through this tutorial on How to Create ZIP Archives in Mac OSX. I am pretty sure that this tutorial can help you in creating zip archives which will be very helpful to us especially in sending bulk of files. We can just but it in a zip archive and voila! All the files and folders can be in just one zip file. :)

Another Friendship Failed.. Another Blessing in Disguise?

And for the nth time.. I have another failed friendship.. Really, what's going on? Or what's with me.. Urgh..

Today, I asked Diana (my classmate) why she was ignoring me last tuesday and also why she's not able to look me in the eyes today when we saw each other. She said, she doesn't want to deceive me anymore.

This is what she really told me thru text:

"Xgeh d2 q na sbhn.. Mgging honest na q, Unang dhlan dhl ngtmpo xken xobra ang grupo ko dhl sobra aqong lapt sau, aware k nman xguo na ayaw nla xau.. ok lng sna un, e peo kc ang d q matake ay yang atityud mu... Alam mu namang d q gus2 ugli ni honey, mgkaprehas pla kau, isa pa cnadya q dn ung pagbulabog ng 2l0g mu,s0ri, huh!, ayst...Pxnxa na d q gus2ng plztikn k kya lau n lng aq..."

I say, WTF! Why the hell would I deserve this kind of treatment? all of them were really pissing me. And I can't talk back. I mean, I can't right? It's not appropriate to talk back and besides I can't change her, she already has decided. Why the hell am I like this? Or what the hell is wrong with me? why are all the people I love's been ditching me? It's not like I have done something grave. I swear what the f***?!!! I really don't know what's happening..

It wasn't like I was asking for our exclusivity. It wasn't like I'm asking her to get out of her group and join me to sulk in my misery. It wasn't like I was asking her to give me advices on my problems. It wasn't like I told her to just be friends with me and ditch her other friends. It wasn't like I was owning her.

NO!! It wasn't like that!

All I want is for her to be a friend to me. To be a listener when I can't take it anymore. To be able to pray for me when everything fails and I've got no one to back me up. All I want is for her to be there when I look back and needed a hug because I've been frightened of what's in front of me. All I want is for her to be there when I need her and also to be there for her when she's the one in need.

I'm not asking much..

I just her want to be a true friend to me because I really need one because we both agree that it's really hard to find real friends in the four walls of our classroom.. Everybody's being a fake, including us. I thought we agreed on this but I was wrong.

I realized, I have really few friends but nonetheless, these few haven't left me since the day we met until now. They are true to me, and I can feel it my bones. They met me at my best, they saw me thru my weakest and they've gone with me thru my worst yet they stood by me, with firm love and understanding.

Thanks friends, who's always been there for me thru it all. You know who you are..:)

Yes, I am hurt, but still, I am thankful that this event happened to me now. I believe that God is up to something great for me. He's molding me into someone greater, someone more awesome than I thought I could be because I can feel it. The molding and crafting really hurts for now, but I know I still have to endure it to enjoy myself better and also to serve and love more people in better way that I can.

Just like an exquisite vase, the potter breaks an old pot into pieces, heats it in a high temperature and molds it to be the best shape it could be.

I am the vase and God is my potter..

Randomness on my 20th..

It's my 20th birthday today. And the clock says it's 2 am now. I really want to sleep but because I am to engrossed with the situations that are happening in my life, I want to think about it thoroughly. These situations are causing my life to be always gloomy. I don't really know what's happening to me now.

My heart, it's really burdened right now. Everything's been suffocating me to the point that I literally can't breathe. I pretty much wanted to cry ever since the first time I was hurt or I felt pain but no tears would come out of my tear ducts. I guess things aren't really much worth crying for nut still my heart is so heavy. So heavy that I can't contain any emotions that would hurt me again.

My mind, it's to cluttered. I've been trying to do a lot of thinking to analyze all the things that has been clogging my heart and mind. I've been trying to figure out if everything that has been happening to me or that caused my pain and my continuous sufferings are interconnected or has commonalities on them. I can't think straight. My thoughts would always drift away to unwanted memories and unpure thoughts thus blocking all the happy thoughts and memories in my mind.

I'm sad, incredibly sad, I;ve been like this for most of my life and I just can't seem to do my way out of this crap. I haven't found and done what I really want in my life. I wasn't allowed to do everything that I want to do because of certain boundaries and beliefs. Maybe if I breakfree, if I breakloose, all that's been bothering me, all that's been burdening me, all that's cluttering in my mind, all that's clogging in my heart would be gone and I'll be able to be happy again. I'll be able to live my life again. Maybe. Someday.

The problem with me is that I am always restricted by a box. I am so scared to take risks that if I do something, if I say something, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want that anymore. I wamt to break loose. I want to be me. I want to be the real me.

Randomness..

I really don't know why and how I am able to think clear today. I haven't slept yet and my head is still spinning because of a tiring MakMan class and an annoying and confusing HBO class.

I have no idea unto how I'm able to handle such emotional disturbances this past weeks. My heart has been in to roller coaster these days and I'm just tired to process everything.

A friend told me that she got raped and I don't know how to accept or react to that. Especially because that person is close to me and I love her. I just don't know how to make her feel that nothing has changed and that I still love and respect her.

It's hard to always absorb the sadness of people around me while there's no one whole do it for me when I'm the one who's sad. I need someone who'll talk me out in all the clutters in my mind, someone who can relate and that I don't need to relate everything that has happened because she's involved. I just don't what to do. I might breakdown if I won't let it out. And I'm just thankful that I have blogs like this.

And my prayer life, super struggle for me. With all that's going in my mind, I think I don't have the right mind to pray. I can't hink clearly and I'm dying to get myself to do the things that I want to do and not those that are pre-requisites. I'm definitely in lost right. I just know that I really need help right now..

(SIGH..)

I won't fight back..

“Hay gurl, mahalin mo kasi muna yung sarili mo bago ka magmahal ng iba, striking words from a friend. She thinks that I love other people more than I love myself? I really don’t know. Alright, I tend to give a lot of effort in loving others because that’s what I’ve learned, that’s who I am and that’s how I glorify my God.

Maybe in the ordinary world, this kind of love doesn’t exist. Loving with all your heart, still loving while they make you suffer, loving the unlovable, doing what’s right yet still loving is what I’ve learned, is what I’ve grown to do and what I think is the most appropriate thing to do.

I don’t easily freak out. I don’t shout when I am mad. I don’t get mad easily and I forgive even without asking for an apology. This is me. Why can’t they accept it? I don’t want to fight back even if it means that I am weak because for me it’s the most loving way to do.

I often think that it’s not my problem if I and they can’t get along well. There are just people who won’t accept others as who they are, that’s fine with me. I don’t have to fight back just because people can’t get along with me and they just want to become my foes.

I just don’t want to fight back. And besides, fighting back is an inhuman act. It shows that you don’t have any breeding at all. Fighting back means I am affected to what they are doing to me and thus stooping to their low level. I don’t want to be branded as a delinquent. If all the fights should have an equal reaction there won’t be an end to every fight.

This is me. I don’t fight. I don’t get mad easily. I don’t stoop to low levels. But I am sensitive. So whatever problems have with me, I easily detect it. I can feel if they are just faking their friendship with me or not. I think I’m doubtful ever since, I am just hiding the fact by saying I have a big trust on you. But the bigger trust I give you, the bigger is my doubt for you.

I wish.. If only..

I always feel like I’m being used, that I am being violated by people. They pretend to be true to me where in fact they just wanted to use me. I often think that I am greater than them. That they are just a bunch of idiots who also think that they can look down on me, use me and make fun of me.

I sometimes think that I am a bit hard on them because of giving that impression but I think it’s just how they make me feel that strengthens the feeling of being violated and so used up.

Sometimes, I just wanna be a bad person. Try to ignore them or say things that I don’t usually say or be more indifferent and cold towards them. I want to just yell at them when I get mad like most people would probably do if they get mad. I want to show them that I can get mad to. I want them to treat me seriously like I am someone so important that they won’t even entertain the idea of trying to make me mad. I want them to respect me. I want them to look up on me.

I always feel that they just neglect me. They think that I won’t get mad. Just because I say it’s okay, they do it on purpose several times thinking that things would probably okay with me, like breaking my trust, saying stupid things about me, talking behind my back and using me.

Probably that’s the problem with me. I often say “it’s okay”, so people always think that it really is okay. Maybe if I just happen to break free and burst out, they would understand me fully.

I just wish that they would take me seriously and be more sensitive when it comes to me because I can’t seem to be able to say that things aren’t really okay. If only they can read this. IF ONLY..

Dark Aura

I always feel like I am emitting a dark aura. It’s like I tell people to go away and to not be close to me. I always feel sad that people may think that they may catch my being all too emotional. But I can’t help it. I am just too lonely. I don’t even want to trace the cause of it but I know for a fact that I am so lonely.

Ever since, loneliness has been my security blanket. I’ve been lonely for most of my life because I fail to acknowledge every cause of my bitterness. I fail to acknowledge the reason why my heart always skips a bit when I am badmouthed and when I get hurt. Or maybe, I fail to block all the negativities around me and I am easy to be hurt.

I don’t know really, but I think I am emitting a dark aura. All the pretence, all the fake smiles, all the pretentious laughs that I put up to show them that I am okay are the things that makes me sad. I always try my best to be liked by people. I always try my best not to hurt them by any means. And it was because of those things that I failed to be real and true to myself. I became much sadder and sadder each day until the sadness has become unbearable to the point that I’m drowning in it.

Until now I don’t know what to do about it. I still feel that I emit a dark aura but I don’t want people to walk away from me. I want them to be happy. I want to feel that I am loved by them. I want to feel an endless happiness that would make all the loneliness in my heart fade away like it hasn’t really happened.

In Love

Funny, I don’t know how many times I have fallen in love and got heartbroken. I can’t seem to remember when the 1st time I fell truly in love was. I can’t date it back to grade school. I kind of liked a lot of guys that time but those were just crushes. It can’t be mistaken as love because I was young then.

My first love, I think is my best friend, Jan Brian Kristoffer Soliven. He was my classmate for two years in high school. He is branded as the ultimate playboy together with Sherwin Salceda. I don’t really know why we became best friends. The only thing I can remember was that he used to sit beside me, chat with me, tell me his problems (love,family) and joke around and laugh with me like nobody else can. I saw him court girls and also got heartbroken for awhile when they break u like it was an SOP to get depressed about a break up when he was the one who initiated it. He would always tell me who his prospects were and he would also ask for my opinions, analysis and approval on to which one would he hit on first. When I was doing that, at the back of my mind I was asking myself, “what was I doing?” He’s going to go again. He’ll never be mine. He’ll just be my bestfriend. And truly it was, he only became my best friend and after a year we parted ways. Our batch mates would always criticize him but still I stand by him because I was able to see the real part of him which others won’t see even his girls.

I loved Brian for almost the whole of my high school days, it’s just so sad that we can’t be friends forever. At our final year in high school, no communication was made between us and I’ve gotten involved into other stuff as YFC, so I’ve grown to like working outside the campus.

That was then when I met my first boyfriend, John Ivan Mantiquilla. We were YFC’s and he was my chapter head. I thought I love him. Now that I think about it, I really wasn’t in love with him, I was just enthralled to feeling of being loved because the heart break from Brian was unbearable. I just wanted to tell myself at that time that I am over and done with Brian and that I can prove everyone that I can get myself a boyfriend if I want. Our relationship lasted for two months because of some complications in our families and service. We broke up. We haven’t had a decent and civil communication until we were in third year college. We are now both leading our lives the way it should be. He’s happy with his girl and I am happy yet searching for that someone who’ll make me feel that heaven is here on earth.
College life went on. I liked a lot of guys, mostly my brothers in YFC. I don’t really know if what I felt for them was real so now I refrain from saying I truly love them. Among those are, Kois Roxas, Miko Ramoso, Glen Charles Lopez and Marc Ycaro. I thought I love them but no.

Here comes another one that I think I felt real love in. He’s name is Mark Alvin Yagaya. He is a brother in YFC and the exact of what I dreaded to fall for. He is a SIGA member (less fortunate). He is full of himself even if he doesn’t admit it. When he talks I get hurt. And I think he is dumb. But I fell hard for him. I loved him for most of my college life. But he didn’t like me. Even for a friend I won’t pass. Our relationship was a plain you’re-my-sister-you’re-my-brother-no-more-no-less relationship. I chose to love him even if felt that I am just mocking myself. Because I love the feeling of being in love or the feeling of having someone to regard as someone you love.

Now I admit, I am over and done with Alvin now. He is n longer in my heart, because someone has come to replace him in it. This is my first time, after so many years, to love a person not in the community. I don’t want to say that I love him now. But I feel something for him. He is Mark Lester Gerardo, my classmate. I treat him as a brother because he’s older than me. I have forbidden myself to fall for him because that would mean losing another brother again. Also because someone was courting him and she was also our friend. I also tried not to fall for him because he said he doesn’t want to fall in love yet because of his past relationship failure.
I love the feeling of being in love. I love the feeling of having someone to be regarded as the one you love. I want to experience true love in God’s time because God said, true love waits. I bet I’ll have my love story anytime soon.

One More Time

Why is it hurting this much? I saw their eyes. I know for sure it’s blank. I can’t see me in their eyes. I can’t see the care. I don’t want to admit it but I am hurting. It seems like I don’t know them anymore. It seems like it wasn’t really meant to be that way but it did.

I can clearly remember the day when they offered me to come with them. Although it was wrong, I tried being them because I was desperately in need of friends. No one wants to be my friend in school. Everyone was scared to be an outcast too.
And so I came with them. I tried to be like them, because, really, I was once like them, but I long forgotten that past me because it was for the better, because I can’t glorify God in those ways. But at that time, In my weakest point, I found what I was really yearning to have, FRIENDS.

They offered me experiences that I haven’t experienced with any of my “so-called” before. I experienced love in them. I felt loved and needed for once in my life. And I held on to them like a life support. I held on to them like I was gonna break any moment if I won’t do that. I loved them like no other. I was ready to devote my life in loving them but now, when I think about it, I was really fragile and weak. I can’t afford to get hurt. And I was still doubtful because of all the pains I have experienced before.

Days passed, months passed, summer came and ended, I held on to them, and said that, “This thing should be true. I hope it’ll last forever. I hope I’ll be in their lives forever and vice versa. But after 2 months, everything that I thought was wrong. Everything was a sham. Everything that I hoped for vanished in just one night.
That day, I don’t know their reason why they did that. They said it was just a joke. But I know the difference between a joke and a true hurtful word. Or maybe I am just so fragile to over react on matters like this because, I have been hurt before, so many times. Have I forgotten to tell them that I am weak, that I can’t take hard jokes, that I can’t, in anyway, afford to get hurt at this time in my life? No, I can’t forget that thing to be told to people I trust. I know I told it to three or four of them. And I expect them to always regard me with care. I trusted them with all of me, especially with my fragile heart. But they too shattered me into pieces.
After that incident, I was prepared to forget about them and start all over again. But I think my heart isn’t ready yet. And when the unexpected happened when we all saw each other, I was really devastated because I didn’t expect them to talk to me and work things over. But what am I to do? I am still hurt by the incident. So I did what my heart was telling me, to shoo them away and pretend that I don’t care about them anymore, show them that I can, on my own, live again, be happy again and that I really need them.

It was only yesterday that I saw them and yet I still think about them. I saw Joy, and I know for sure that I really hate her because she’s the one who started everything. I really hate her ever since the day I met her and hated her more when she tried to overturn me to presidency. Next, I saw Lester. I know he saw me at the corridor. But that time I was with Diana and Clarisse, my first real friends when I shifted to Marketing. I thought they have changed but they are still the same friends I met 2 years ago and I missed the chats that we only did today. Any, the next was Jonathan. Yes, I’ve been fond of him. I also wished before that he’ll take notice of me but things change and what I have for him turned into in difference. I don’t know if he was true all along. He was always the one who’ll get mad at my emotional group messages about friends but I don’t know if he really meant it that way. For me, he is, all along, a fake. Next were Heidi and Marvie. They were the people that I loved the most in our group before. They are the ones that I trusted with all that I am including Lester, because he somewhat resembles my deceased brother. In this situation, I am mostly hurt by what these three did. I don’t care what Joy, Jonathan and the rest do to me as long as Heidi, Marvie and Lester are always by my side, as long as they are, in any ways, true to me.

Now, as I write this blog, I know I am not okay yet. I am still hurting. I am still regretting my actions and I am still hoping that things would just be alright. But I have to win this battle by myself. I have to do it so I can face myself again. Overcoming this trial might be hard because I’ve been dealing these problems most of my life, but I can, in any way, can do this. And I still have God beside me, my family to always love me no matter what, and my remaining true friends to back me up when things don’t work as I planned.
I’ll be strong. I can do this.

One More Time

each day is so slow and so hard
because no matter how hard i try to reveal my heart
you can’t see it

i’m just resent the time that’s gone by
no matter how much time changes, i’m always sad

one more time
even though it hurt, i should have loved a little more
i’ll laugh for only you, i’ll cry for only you

one more time
like the hot sun of the sky
i’ll love all of you forever, only you

one more time

i miss the image of the warmhearted you standing beneath the umbrella
though i wipe these tears again, i’m always sad

one more time
even though it hurt, i should have loved a little more
i’ll laugh for only you, i’ll cry for only you

one more time
like the stars that shine brightly in the night sky
i’ll love all of you forever, only you

one more time

i promise that a tomorrow that we both share will find us
i promise that a happiness that we both share will find us
i’ll always be by your side

one more time
even though it hurt, i should have loved a little more
i’ll laugh for only you, i’ll cry for only you

one more time
like the hot sun of the sky
i’ll love all of you forever, only you

one more time
oh my love for you
oh one more time
oh my love for you
one more time

Forever and Always..

There’s this girl trio that I spotted way back 2 and a half years ago when I shifted course from Accountancy to Marketing. The trio was stunning. Fair- skinned, beautiful, not to mention, head-turners. Everyone’s attention was drawn to them and I was one of those audiences who were bemused by the trio. Apart from their almost perfect features was an attitude that I never thought would have caught my respect as per my respect and trust is hard to earn at that time. Everything was new. Everything scared me. And these three made it heaven for me.

The first one I met was Lorraine. I easily got close to her because we cater the same transportation towards home. We’re, coincidentally, both, Pasiguenos. I think she is sweet but aggressive when provoked. I like her personality for when I hear her reason out, I can always see the point. Next of them was Clarisse, a very brave girl from my perception. She’s always talking about how things should be in a proper way. I love her attitude ‘cause somehow, she is a reality check. And so it was this that led me to meet and be close to the woman I am going to talk about here.
The last one was Diana. This girl has gotten my attention the first time I saw them. If I really was a guy, I would court this girl and never part from her. She is such a beauty, a goddess in her own way. Apart from being pretty, she’s also a brain. Not all of our friends (?) know that. When you would be given a chance to converse with her, you’ll get amazed at the amount of topics you can talk with her, not to mention her speedy way of conversing (kidding). She’s strong and aggressive also when provoked. What I really like about her is her modesty. Being smart and brainy can give you a lot to be proud of. But this girl, she’s so humble.

Well, going back to her birthday two years ago, I hardly can remember who the attendees were. I can’t remember what we really did at the mall or what I contributed to her birthday. But one thing is for sure, I promised myself to be friends with this girl until God knows when. I said, I think I’m gonna love this girl. I’ll protect her. Maybe she’ll need me in her life. I’ll do anything for her that’s in my power to make her happy, protect her, comfort her, and love her. She’s like a sister to me. (I’m sure you’ll think it’s exaggerated but it’s true, I really love you these much..)

Months passed, everybody sure needs to move on. She moved on with her life, as well as her friends, I did too, but quietly I was still giving an eye on her, on when she would be needing me again. Or when would be the chance to have a talk with her again.
Sure there were happiness in her life that I wasn’t able to notice. There are pains that I am not aware that happened to her. I felt that I failed to protect her ‘cause things also intercepted to break me.

Now I am happy those things happened to the both of us because we are where we are now. My friendship with her is working again. And I’m happy that we are in this terms right now because it’s our last year in college. And also, I badly need a friend right now after what happened to me recently (you know that).


Hi diane,

I can’t think of gifts to give you. I don’t know what to give you either. So I think a letter would be much appropriate and sincere to be done at this time. Sorry if it’s in English. I hardly can’t conceptualize when it’s written in tagalong but I hope the grammars are fine.

You know, I just want to thank you for everything. For always making me feel that you’re just behind me, that you are there always, ready to be my friend and shoulder to cry on. Recently, what happened to me was really devastating for me. I held on to them, just like how I held on to you. But apart from that, I am grateful that you were there, that you helped me go through this. And I love you for that.

You are always in my thoughts (about friends). You know, I really wanted to have a sister because I only have one. And thinking that it would be just the two of us (my sister and I) in just a matter of time is also saddening. But I wanted to thank God for giving a sister like you to me. I just hope that I can fulfil all those promises that I made 2 years ago, on your birthday.

Any, what am I blabbering about here?:)) I just want to wish you a happy birthday and happy 2 years for us (anniversary? haha). You know that I super love you and that whatever happens in the near future, even if we would experience the same as what I have experienced recently, I promise you, I’ll stand beside you. I’ll always be near you even if you don’t want, need or love me anymore. You can ask me for anything (money, things, questions, etc) and I’ll be gladly giving them to you. You are the only one, aside from my sibling that I am giving the permission to ruin me because I love you so damn much. (i’m crying as I write this.)

Diane, I’ll always be here no matter what. No matter how tough the situations might get, I’ll stay right here. I never doubted you. And I promise, I’ll never doubt you. Please tell me when I tend to spoil you at certain times but please bear with me because that is my love language. I trust you very much because I love you also that much. I hope that you’ll always stay beside me.

I wanted our friendship to last forever until God knows when. I want to witness everything that will happen in your life. The happiness that would make you cry your joyful tears. I wanted to be there to support you in all the trials and hardships that you will encounter as we sail along the corporate world and to the real life. I want to meet that person that would capture your heart forever and wouldn’t let you go(because I’ll kill him if he does. Why haven’t I done that to paeng? Haha.. kidding!). I want to be in your wedding day and be the happiest woman there apart from your family because I was there to witness your life. I want to meet your children and also be part of their lives (I’ll be ninang, promise me.) I think this is already scaring you, but God, I just want to be part of your life forever.
I just pray that you’ll always be strong in whatever hindrance and obstacles that might come your way. Always pray, thank the Lord for everything, mourn to God whatever kind of pain you have in your heart and always put Him first as your priority.

I’ll always pray for you. I’ll be here. I’ll love you till the end. Zheng su sheng ri kuai le.:) Happy Birthday Diane! Wo Ai de peng you.:)

Love,
Kat

He is in my dreams every night..

Every night I'm dreaming of him.. That's why i'm afraid to sleep at night.. Where everyone is also asleep.. Iwant to sleep when everyone is aware that I am sleeping.. That I am having this dream for so many nights now.. Ever since I have admitted that I do have feelings for Him, I've been dreaming things about him. Some were embarrasing because never in my wildest thoughts would I ever comprehend those kinds of things to occur between us.

But my most favorite dream is that we had been bestfriends. Eventhough it became embarassing at the end, still, the thought of having him as my bestfriend is such an interesting memory for me. We can't be friends anymore. We can't be lovers either so I am so happy that even in dreams, the thought of having him beside me came true/

I just wish that I will have this dream every night so i'll look forward to sleeping. I wanted him beside me in whatever relationship we may have, friends, bestfriends, siblings.. Just the thought of him beside me calms me.

But now it's different. He can no longer be near me. I forbid 'cause I don't want to be hurt again..

I hope in our next life, i'll get what my heart wants..

Should I forget all about it?

I wonder if I should just forget about what happened. After all, they are the ones who made the first approach to make things better and clear between us. But I was really hurt. And I’m scared that if I let them in again in my life, I would shatter into pieces because they would do the same thing to me again. Another thing, I’m scared that in return, I would be the one who would hurt them, which I don’t want to happen. I don’t want people to loathe me.
In as much as I wanted to let them in again in my life, the fact that my full trust in them has deteriorated makes it impossible to be friends with them again. Doubt has conquered the whole of me and the unconditional love that I have for them before has turned to plain acquaintance.
I realized, I tend to give more and forget myself when I love to the point that I let them use me just to please and give them the happiness they seek. I gave them my trust, and in accordance to that, I give them my love. I tend to pamper people that are very close to me. I care for them, I look after them as if I am a big sister. I spoil them rotten. But after I am hurt, I tend to run away, hide and wallow in self pity asking myself if what happened was my fault. I run away, never comeback, block all the happy thoughts about them as if nothing happy has occurred during the times that I was with them.
The fact that they were able to hurt me after giving them the warning that I am a very fragile person justifies that they aren’t really my friends after all. I tend to warn people about my being emotional about things. And after what they did, I was so devastated that these people really exist.
Now I really wonder if I should really just forget about this whole thing. I want to forget. I guess I’ll be blocking all sorts of thoughts about them from now on so I can move on with my life and be happy with the remaining people who are really true to me and really loves me for who I am despite my attitudes, despite my craziness, despite all sorts of evilness in me. I’m just lucky to have few friends but you can call REAL.

Sulat para sa mga inakala kong kaibigan..

Sabi ko na nga ba mangyayari ‘to.. Sinabi ko na nga ba, dadating sa puntong susuko din ako. Mula pa sa una, alam kong salingpusa lang ako. Panabla, pamparami ika nga. Mula pa nung una, inasahan ko na, na hindi din nila ako kayang tanggapin, matanggap man, may bahid ng kung ano ang pakikipaglapit na ginagawa.
Kahit paano, masasabi kong naging masaya din akong kasama kayo. Kahit paano, napaligaya nyo ako sa tuwing makakasama ko kayo. Naging totoo ako sa lahat ng sinabi at ginawa ko sa pagkakaibigan na ‘to. Iniwasan kong makipag-away sa kahit na sino sa inyo kahit na naaasar din ako paminsan minsan at hindi ko gusto ang mga trip nyong gawin. Pero sumasakay nalang ako, ika nga, pakikisama. Hindi ko kailangan gawin ang mga bagay na ginagawa nyo na hindi ko gusto basta makasama ko lang kayo, dahil akala ko, mahal nyo na din ako. Dahil akala ko, totoo na ‘to. Dahil akala ko, matindi ‘to. Nakakatawa, totoo nga palang nakakamatay ang maling akala.
Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula, ayokong iclaim, pero ramdam ko ang kompetisyon. Effort na effort sya sa lahat ata ng bagay na gawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula, pero ramdam ko ang inggit sa pagkatao nya. Wala akong ginagawa. Wala akong sinasabi. Kung tingin nyo meron, patingin ng proweba.
Masama bang mabuhay ng ayon sa nakagawian ko? Eto ako. Malamang hindi mo nalang din inalam kung bakit ako ganito at katulad ng mga nauna, nagassume nalang kayo ng mga bagay na akala nyong pagkatao ko. Nakakalungkot dahil ipinakita ko sa’yo ang totoong ako. Inasahan ko na sa pagkakataong ‘to, ikaw lang ang dadamay sa akin. Saktan na nila ako, wag lang ikaw, dahil wala silang alam at ikaw pinagkatiwalaan ko. Dahil akala ko magkapatid tayo. Dahil akala ko magkaibigan tayo. Naniwala ako na mahahanap mo sa puso mo ang malaking tiwalang binigay ko. Nakakamatay nga talaga ang maling akala.
Now when I look back, ako nga lang ata ang nag-isip na magkaibigan tayo, na magkapatid tayo, na matindi at kakaiba ang pagkakaibigan na ito. Ngayon, itigil na natin ‘to. Ayokong manakit, ayokong masaktan. Ayoko ng gulo. Isipin nalang natin na parang walang nangyari. Na parang hindi nagkrus ang mga landas natin. Na hindi tayo nagkakilal
Hindi ko alam kung anong mga pinag-usapan ng mga tao sa likod ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako ginagago ng mga taong inakala kong totoo. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang mga gagawin nila. Hindi ko kayo totoong kilala, wala din kayong alam sa akin.
Ituturing ko nalang itong isang panaginip, na hindi nagkatotoo, katulad ng prediction ko. Sana masaya na kayo,wala na ko, you’re free to talk behind my back. You’re free to say whatever you want about me. Pwedeng pwede nyo na kong pagtawanan hanggat gusto nyo. Basta wag na wag na kayong lalapit sa akin kung hindi naman importante, pakiusap lang. Ayoko ng plastikan,please lang.
Eto lang, pinahalagahan ko kayo. Minahal ko kayo at hanggang ngayon minamahal pa din. Sobrang sakit ng nagawa nyo sa akin, masahol pa sa mga naunang tumalikod sa akin. At least sa kanila, may kasalanan din ako, sa inyo, kasalanan bang maging totoo? Wag mong sabihing binibiro nyo lang ako, dahil kalokohan yung ginawa nyo, lalo na ikaw na nakakaalam ng dahilan kung bakit ko ginagawa yun. Sa nangyaring ‘to, pinakanasaktan ako sa ginawa mo.
Ingat nalang kayo palagi. Ipagdadasal ko pa din kayo. Salamat na lang din sa lahat. Sana kapag nagkrus ang landas natin, wala ng masaktan.:)
Paalam.

Shopping at it's best!

During my childhood days, I used to make an artificial basketball ring in front of our house. Almost everyday, I love playing basketball with my friends. Ever since, I want to own a basketball ring that I can transfer anywhere I want. While surfing the net a while ago, I came across a very comprehensive site in which I can almost find all the things that I want to buy then, like the outdoor basketball ring. The site is very detailed and it can make your way of shopping very easy.

Almost all of the things that a consumer wants can be found on that site. Even the latest gadgets like digital cameras and GPS devices on the markets are available there and you'll have a lot of option to choose from.

Are you planning to have a vacation somewhere or you want to experience mountain hiking? If you're planning to buy the things that you need for that task, you can also check that site because they are offering the in-demand and comfortable things needed like the backpacks for the storage of the clothes and other miscellaneous things, Boots suitable for venturing mountains, and even the sleeping bags needed for camping.

Also available on that site are furnitures that can make a home very beautiful and attractive. From the simplest outdoor umbrella to the state-of-the-art sofa and table set available in the market worldwide.

This site can help a lot of people in the world especially those who are fond of shopping. Shopping has never been this so easy! So what are you waiting for? See it for yourself!

Sentiments..

Nang mga nakakaraang araw, palgi nalang akong madaling malungkot. Madali akong mapikon, masaktan at umiyak. Napakasensitive ko. As a call it, fragile ako these days.. Hindi ko din naman din kasi gusto na maging ganito ako, pero yun talaga yung nararamdaman ko. Struggling ako na ‘wag masaktan ng ganoong kadali. Sa sobrang pagstruggle ko, nagiging indifferent tuloy ako, na mas lalong nakasakit sa ‘kin dahil akala ng mga tao, dahil hindi ako nagsasalita, okay lang. Dahil hindi ako nagrereact, walang problema. Dahil hindi ako umiiyak sa harap nila, hindi ako nasaktan.
Kawawa naman yung puso ko. Napakafragile. Durog na durog na ata. Pinipilit ko maging strong. Pinipilit ko kalimutan. Pinipilit kong baiwalain, pero parang hindi ko na naman kaya. Bakit paulit ulit nalang? Bakit walang humpay ang mga taong ‘to na saktan ako? Bakit may epekto pa din yung mga ginagawa nila sa akin hanggang ngayon? Nakit hindi ako makawala sa kumunoy na ‘to? Bakit parang hindi ako nagggrow?
Unang dahilan ng sakit, Pamilya. Mahal ko sila. Sobrang mahal. Ang mga magulang ko, mahal na mahal ko sila, to the point na hindi nalang ako makasagot kapag tinatanong nila ang mali nila sa akin. Oo, sumasagot ako sa magulang ko. Kasi nagtatanong sila. At ang masakit dun, hindi kami palaging magkaintindihan. Ni hindi nga nila alam kung kelan ako nagbibiro o kung kelan ako seryoso. Sa sobra kong pagmamahal sa kanila, hindi nalang ako nagsasalita tungkol sa mga bagay na kailaingan ko dahil nangangamba ako na baka isipin nila, napakamaluho kong anak. Hindi ako humihing ng mga bagay na hindi related sa school. Ultimo pambayad ng mga libro, hiyang hiya akog hingin sa kanila kaya kapag kelangan na kelangan na, dun pa lang ako humihingi. Madaming bagay akong gustong makuha, gustong gawin at gustong maayos. Pero takot na takot ako palagi na hindi nila ako suportahan. Takot na takot ako na hindi nila ako maintindihan. Takot na takot na sa bandang huli, nagkamali pala ko at sabihin nilang hindi ako nakinig sa kanila. Madaming bagay akong hindi nagawa, ginagawa at magawa dahil sa sobra kong pagmamahal ko sa kanila. Bilang panganay na ngayon, ayokong masaktan pa sila lalo ngayon. Palagi nila sinasabi sa akin na kapag tumanda sila, wala daw akong pakialam sa kanila at baka hayaan ko lang daw silang mamatay sa gutom, pero mali sila, alam na alam ko, at ramdam na ramdam ko na ako pa din sa huli ang mag-aalaga at bubuhay sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung alam nila yun. Araw- araw, madami akong gustong gawin, madami akong gustong puntahan, madami akong gustong aralin bukod sa mga bagay na gusto nila gawin, puntahan at aralin ko pero wala akong magawa kundi sundin pa din sila kasi yun ang magpapasaya sa kanila. Takot na takot akong umalis ng bahay dahil baka pagbalik ko wala na sila, baka hindi ko na ulit sila makasama. Alam kong maikli nalang ang panahon ko para makasama sila. Gusto ko sanang makabuo ng mga magagandang memories kasama sila pero parang hindi mangyayari kasi hindi naman nila ko nakikita bilang ako, na anak nila. Siguro nakikita nila ko pero hindi ko nararamdaman. Ang nararamdaman ko lang ay kapag nagagalit sila sa akin kapag hindi ko gustong gawin yung mga pinapagawa nila na para bang wala na akong nagawang tama at maganda buong buhay ko na naging anak nila ako, yung inis nila kapag humihingi ako ng mga bagay na kailangan ko, kapag aalis ako at gagawa ng makabuluhang bagay at yung gustung gusto kong gawin at ang pinagtatakahan ko, kapag papasok ako sa school, na parang bang wala ng papupuntahan yung sarili ko kapah nakagraduate na ko. Nasasaktan ako sa lahat ng ipinaparamdam nila sa akin. Nasasaktan ako dahil alam kong mali ang makaramdam ng ganito dahil pamilya ko pa din sila at magulang ko sila. At ang pinakamasakit ay yung parang balewala lang ang bawat paghikbi ko pag gabi, ang bawat pag-iyak ko kapag pinipigilan kong sagutin at saktan sila dahil sa sobra kong pagmamahal sa kanila. Parang balewala lang ang bawat tahimik na iyak ng puso ko kapag nadidisappoint nila ako. Tinatanong nila palagi kung bakit hindi ako ngumingiti man lang kapag nasa bahay ako, well, eto ang sagot, kasi hindi ako masaya, at ang masama pa nun, sobra na kong nasasaktan na kahit ngiti hindi ko na maibihay.
Sige aamin ako, NAIINGGIT AKO! Inggit na inggit ako sa kapatid ko, sa hipag ko at sa baby namin. Naiinggit ako dahil hindi ko naranasang makuha ang gusto ko. Yung totoong gusto ko. Inggit na iinggit ako sa benefits na nakukuha ng kapatid ko. Nag-aaral sya sa pinakamahal na school bilang scholar. The mere fact na nagkaroon sila ng tiwala sa kapatid ko na mamemaintain nya ang scholarship nya, dun pa lang, inggit na inggit na ko. Napakasakit sa akin nun, nakakuha din naman ako ng scholarship eh, pero pinili nila akong pag-aralin sa blok na eskwelahan na ‘to. At dahil extremes nga ang agwat ng eskwelahan namin, palagi nalang akong less prioritized. Sa damit, bibili ang kapatid ko, ako hindi muna. Kasi okay lang naman sa school namin magsuot ng kahit na ano, eh sa kanya, pang mayaman yung school nya kaya dpat sumunod sa dress code. Sa mga gamit, sya pwedeng bilhan ng laptop (okay dahil sa course) dahil kelangan daw at lahat sila may laptop dun, samantalang ako, hindi, kasi pang mahirap ang school ko, magkasya nalang daw ako sa desktop, naku, andami kong kailangan gawin kung alam lang nila. Madaming bagay ang alam kong kaya nilang ibigay sa amin ng kapatid ko ng sabay pero hindi ila ginagawa. Naiinggit ako sa atensyon na binubuhos ng mama ko sa baby namin, kasi hindi ko yun naramdaman sa kanya. Hindi ko na nga din sya maramdaman ngayon. Alam kong mahal nya ko. Sino bang nanay ang hindi mahal ang anak? Pero hindi ko na yun maramdaman, matagal na, siguro nung magsimulang matuto na kong pumunta sa school mag-isa, maligo mag-isa, kumain mag-isa. Simula nung matutunan ko ang maging mag-isa.
Naiwan ako. Ma-isa, Hindi lang ng pamilya ko, pero ng napakaraming tao. Naranasan ko ng layuan. Naranasan ko ng mabastos. Naranasan ko ng mapagusapan ng masama behind my back. Naranasan ko ng maging palaging tampulan ng tukso. Naranasan ko ng maiwan mag-isa. Naranasan ko na ding ayawan ng iba.
Dun nagsimula ang pagayaw ko sa tao. Mas gusto ko mag-isa. Mas ginusto ko ang mamuhay na umaasa lang sa sarili ko at ang sustento na obligasyon ng magulang ko sa akin. Buong buhay ko palagi nalang ako iniiwan, palagi nalang akong inaayawan. Sa sandaling bumuka na ang bibig ko para makipagusap ng totohanan, lalayo sila kapag nakita nila ang isang bahagi ng ako. Hindi nila ninais na kilalanin ako. Hindi nila ninais makita kung sino talga ako. Kaagad nila akong hinusgahan.
Pangalawang dahilan ng sakit, Mga Kaibigan. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong mali sa akin. Sobra sobra kong mahal ang mga kaibigan ko. Dahil naranasan ko ng maiwan, ginawa ko ang lahat para maging ang taong gusto nilang makita. Hanggang umabot sa puntong hindi ko nalang din kilala yung sarili ko. Hindi ko na Makita yung totoong ako. Natuto akong magtago ng nararamdaman ko, natuto akong lokohin pati ang sarili ko. Namaster ko ang ipakitang Masaya ako kahit sa totoo lang gusting gusto ko na umiyak at magwala. Minsan, gusto ko nalang magbreak free. Maging carefree sa lahat ng bagay. Maging indifferent sa kung anong sasabihin ng iba.
May mga kaibigan akong inakala ko totoo, kasi sa una pa lang, click kami. Inakala ko na mahal nila ko dahil palagi nila kong tinatawag, palaging kelangan. Hanggang sa dumating ang panahon na wala na kong maibigay at ako naman yung nangailangan, tinalikuran din nila ako. Ganun kadali. Ang akal ko totoo sila, hindi nap ala nila ko kailangan.
May mga nagingkaibigan din naman ako na inakala ko ulit na okay na. Mabait, nirerespeto daw ako. Pagkatapos ng isang pagkakamali, nawla sila lahat na parang bula at iniwasan ako na para bang meron akong nakakahawang sakit. Hanggang ngayon ramdam ko pa din yun. May mga tao akong nakakasama, nakakakwentuhan, nakakainuman, nakakatawanan pero alam ko, takot din silang tumayo para sa’kin. Takot din sila na mainvolve sa akin. Wala din silang tiwala sa akin. Hindi din nila ako mahal gaya ng sobra sobra kong pagmamahal sa kanila. Alam ko yun. I can feel it in my bones. Meron sa kanila na kailangan ako dahil mapera ako, oo aminado ko, mapera kami, may kaya, nakakaangat ng di hamak sa ilan sa kanila. May mga ilan na pakiramdam ko sadyang mabait lang talaga sa akin at sa mga ilang tao dahil nature nila yun at hindi dahil gusto nila akong maging kaibigan. May mga tao akong pinagkakatiwalaan, namumuhunan ng tiwala at emosyon para mapaniwala ko naman yung sarili ko na hindi ako nag-iisa. Sana dumating yung araw na hindi ko na kailangan patunayan ang sarili ko. Sana Makita nila na worthy naman ako maging kaibigan. Sana kapag nangyari yun, hindi na sila mahiyang manindigan para sa akin at maging proud naman sila na kaibigan nila ako.
Sana dumating yung panahon na hindi ko na kakailanganing masaktan ng sobra sobra. Sana dumating yung panahon na matutuwa ang mga magulang ko sa akin at maramdaman ko naman na mahal nila ako. Sana dumating yung panahon na hindi na ko iiyak para dito sa parehas na rason. Sana humupa na ang sakit. Sana maramdaman ko ang pagmamahal na gusto kong maramdaman, hindi lang galing sa Diyos pero sa mga taong mahal ko.
Naramdaman mo ba ang sakit na nararamdaman ko? Nakita mo ba kung gaano na nadudurog ang puso ko? Naramdaman mo ba kung gaanong pagmamahal ang ibinibigay ko sa mga taong gusto kong bahaginan ng parte ng buhay ko?

Family is the Best Policy

Most of you probably wonders why my title says "Family is the Best Policy". I just incorporated this with the common saying that "Honesty is the Best Policy". Why? Because family should really be your priority. You'll see eventually that when you are at your downtimes, many of your friends will leave you but your family will say even you are at your very lowest.

Why not spend more time with them? I know that nowadays, people have been very busy doing a lot of things. They are busy for work, for school and for other important activities in their lives. They tend to forget having a quality time with the family which is molds a large gap between the family members. Most of them only have free time whenever the declared holiday comes. So why not spend the day with your family during your free time?

You can work while you are at the beach. Please be sure that you've brought a netbook with you because you can access internet for emails while you are, at the same time, spending time with your family. Speaking of netbooks, isn't it that it's always good to save money? Just compare prices of the netbooks in the malls and netbooks in that website. You will save more money while enjoying your quality tiume with your family and while you are working. Please don't forget the camping equipments that you will use for the day.

So there, isn't it fun to have quality time your family while working at the same time?

Take A Look at Mac Book

Before I start with this article, I want to ask what Operating System are you using in your desktop or laptop? But before you answer that, I just want to give you a brief review about Operating Systems. An operating system (commonly abbreviated to either OS or O/S) is an interface between hardware and user; an OS is responsible for the management and coordination of activities and the sharing of the resources of the computer.

The Operating Systems that I know are Mac, Windows, Linux and Ubuntu. The most common among these are Mac and Windows. Windows OS is being loved because it's very user-friendly. Mac OS, on the other hand, is being loved by its skins and icons. It really looks cute but it is hard to manage. Therefore, people who are just new into using Mac cannot really cope up easily into its interface.

One of the most common command in the Mac OS is how to create ZIP archives. In windows, it's very easy to create ZIP archives. But in Mac, it's different. Just go through this tutorial on How to Create ZIP Archives in Mac OSX. I am pretty sure that this tutorial can help you in creating zip archives which will be very helpful to us especially in sending bulk of files. We can just but it in a zip archive and voila! All the files and folders can be in just one zip file. :)

The Rise of the Business Web Directories

Have you heard of Web Directories? If you are an advertiser or a blogger, maybe you are aware of what it is. But if you are just a newbie in the field of World Wide Web and you are thinking of other possibilities on how to increase you profit, maybe Business Web Directories are the best for you. Web directories are not search engines and they do not list web pages as keywords. They list the web pages by categories through which bloggers and other visitors may easily see them. A Web Directory is consist of RSS feeds instead of website links.

One suggestion in finding links is to base it in your field of work. For instance, if you are an Information Tenchnology Professional, you may find links that are related to computers, networking, internet and also the world. Another one is if your in the field of marketing resources, you may search for links that are related to it. You should also learn how to break down the topic so that you can be more specific in what link you are searching for.
Be more careful in choosing what web directories you will use. Make sure that it will show different categories of links because some directories only show one category which is really a great disappointment. Ofcourse you are in need of web directories that show different categories of links.
One of the most common and known directories is the Yahoo! Directories which are chosen by business man and owners around the world. Another great directory is Business.com. One of the bests directories is the Best of the Web Directory which was established since 1994.

Ergo, we need to choose a Seo friendly web directory. A web directory that is really convincing and not disappointing. We need to be careful in picking a good Business Web Directory.

Low Cost Car Rental

Summer's not yet out! You can still enjoy the last minute of the hot summer! You can have picnics or outing with your family. But isn't it hassle if you are going out of town and you do not have a car to use? It really is annoying to commute especially in the sunny weather.

If you are going on a trip, and do not have your own car, you can rent cars through this site. This is specially for Germans who loves going out-of-town. You might need this Location de voiture site. It offers low cost car rental and have great deals! Visit this and there's no need for you to buy your own car. Why buy if you can rent through Location vehicule?

Get Paid to Blogging

Have you heard of earning money online? Then you must have heard of paying post. Earning money online is a very popular field nowadays in the blogosphere. It helps the bloggers not only share their ideas and interests on the a certain topic on the web but it also helps them to earn some money in every post they do. And in connection to earning money online, there is this site that links the advertisers and bloggers together. It is no other than Paying Post. What is Paying Post? What does Paying Post do?

Paying post is a great site which, as what I've said, connects the advertisers and bloggers together. It means that the advertisers can order an entry from the bloggers in order to advertise their site or thir products. On the other hand, the blogger must have high stats of visitors in order to attract opportunities.

What's great with paying posts? Well, I can say that post's OPPORTUNITY CREATION FEE IS 50% LESS COMPARED TO THEIR COMPETITORS. It means that more money will come to the bloggers than the paying post itself. They also have clear and vivid instructions into what the bloggers are supposed to that's why it's very easy for them to make an awesome review for the advertisers. Furthermore, it pushes the blogger to maintain it's high page rank and visitor stats to have more opportunities.

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Zhen Ming Tian Zhi- Luo Zhi Xiang ft. Jolin Tsai

Yan shen kong bai,xin qing xian de bu hao bu huai
Ni zong shi ai shua mo nai,gan qing shi jie yi pian kong bai
Oh ni de ai,dou zai deng dai mei ren qing lai
Xiang teng ge nu hai,chu fei fa sheng yi wai

Mei you ren shuo ni bu shuai,cai pai
Lao tian kuai ti ni an pai,zhun bei bi sai
Chi zao kuai zhao dao zhen ai,bu lai
Dang ta xiang ni zou guo lai,bie zai fa bai,ba ai fang chu lai

Shake it,mama,shake it
Bu bi kai chang bai
Shake it,mama,shake it
U got to see it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Kai chu le wang pai
Shake it,mama,shake it

Wo nan guai,ji mo nan nai rong yi zuo guai
Jiu shui yuan fen bu lai,jue dui bu neng cheng ren shi bai
Shi kuai kan kai,zi wo cui mian zi wo jiao dai
Zhe shun jian zou de kuai,ni bu neng lao shi zai zhuang kuang wai

Mei you ren shuo ni bu shuai,kuai kuai
Lao tian hui ti ni an pai,zhun bei bi sai
Chi zao kuai zhao dao zhen ai,bu ai
Dang ta xiang ni zou guo lai,bie zai fa ai,ba ai fang chu lai

Shake it,mama,shake it
Bu bi kai chang bai
Shake it,mama,shake it
U got to see it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Kai chu liao wang pai
Shake it,mama,shake it
Hey o
Shake it,mama,shake it
Ba shou ju qi lai
Shake it,mama,shake it
U got to see it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Gen zhe ai yao bai
Shake it,mama,shake it

Tong tong shan kai,zhen ming tian zi huan ni lai
Shei bi ni li hai,xiang shou gu dan bu ying gai
Zhe yi ci rang ni zhuai

Qing ni kan zhe wo de eyes
Wei yi ji hui zai tonight
Jiu deng jian dan nei gou hi
Oww oww oww oww

Mei you shi me jiao zuo why
Xing fu kao ni zi ji try
Dan xiao de ren zhi hao cry
Ni yong yuan zai zhuang kuang wai

Zhe shi lao tian gei de sigh
Wei ni dian le yi dian light
Kuai lai le jie wo de mind
Oww oww oww oww

Wei ni zhuang dan deng ni fight
Yong gan qiu ai that’s right
Zhen ming tian zi don’t be shy
Deng ni deng ni gen wo shuo ai

Shake it,mama,shake it
Shake it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Oh,shake it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Gotta see you shake it
Shake it,mama,shake it
Hey o

The Best Lover- Show Luo Zhi Xiang ft Dee Hsu

English Translation:

(Together) Hey you, it’s you. Come in to my arms
Don’t pretend that you don’t care. It’s obvious that your heart opened up
So baby. It’s you. Please don’t hesitate
We’re playing a game called L O V E

(Dee) I’ll give you a minute, if you’re still not touched then
you’re a loser, no matter how cool you pretend to be

(Show) baby you won’t understand, I meant for you to get nervous
I have no opponents in love, but she’s very impatient at waiting

(Together) hey you. It’s you. Come in to my arms
Don’t pretend that you don’t care. It’s obvious that your heart opened up
So baby. It’s you. Please don’t hesitate
We’re playing a game called L O V E

Yeah. Yes I do

(Show) the looks in your eyes doesn’t matter. You seem to have an attitude yet not
you will follow me on the road of love

(Dee) how good are you. Playing this boring trick
the pigs I have seem, were perfect to the degree. Come on

(Together) hey you. It’s you. Come in to my arms
don’t pretend you don’t care. I might like you already
so baby. It’s you. Say you’re very happy
I like you a little. Like you a little bit

(Rap) haha love is a (ya) relationship
it lets everything around me become a machine for love
whoever sees you, even the best man will lose
ya, why is it you. I’m thinking. ha

(Show) why do I like you. I already like you. yeah

(Dee) you’re so cute so won’t you come to me
a pighead is the only one who would keep on playing the game, playing tricks

(Together) baby, it’s you. Please come into my arms
don’t pretend you don’t care. I think I like you
so baby. It’s you, please say you do too
I’ve always liked you, always liked you

(together) baby. It’s you. Please come in to my arms
don’t pretend you don’t care. I think I like you
so baby. It’s you. Please say you do too
I like you very very much. Like you very very much
(show) like you very much…

Lian Ai Da Ren- Show Luo Zhi Xiang ft Dee Hsu

Together: HEY YOU jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Ni ming ming dong le xin
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing bu yao zai you yu
Wo men wan ge you xi (YEAH)
Jiao L.O.V.E.

Xiao S: Gei ni yi fen zhong
Ruo hai bu xin dong
Ni jiu shi mei zhong
Zhuang zai ku ye zhi dao mei yong

Show: BABY ni bu hui dong
Wo jiu shi yao ni xin ji
Wo lian ai wu di
Ke shi ta deng de hen ji
COME ON

Together: HEY YOU jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Ni ming ming dong le xin
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing bu yao zai you yu
Wo men wan ge you xi
Jiao L.O.V.E.

Xiao S: THAT'S RIGHT
Show: YEAH YES I DO

Show: Yan shen bu neng zai hu
Tai du ruo you si wu
Ni zi ran jiu hui
Gen wo zou
Qing chang lu

Xiao S: Ni dao di xing bu xing
Jing wan wu liao de zhao shu
Wo kan guo de zhu
Ke shi da ren de cheng du
COME ON

Together: HEY YOU jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Be jia zhuang bu zai yi
Wo ke neng xi huan ni
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing shuo ni hen kai xin
Wo you dian xi huan ni
You dian xi huan ni

Show: HA HA
Ai shi ge YA guan xi
Ta rang wo de shen bian
Cheng le tan lian ai de ji qi
Shui yu jian ni
Lian da ren ye hui ren shu
YA wei shen me shi ni
Wo zhi xiang wen
Wei shen me xi huan ni
Wo yi xi huan ni

Xiao S: YOU'RE SO CUTE
SO WON'T YOU COME TO ME
Zhu tou cai hui yi zhi wan you xi
Shua xin ji

Together: BABY jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Wo xiang wo xi huan ni
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing shuo ni ye yuan yi
Wo yi zhi xi huan ni
Yi zhi xi huan ni

Together: BABY jiu shi ni
Qing kao jin wo huai li
Bie jia zhuang bu zai yi
Wo xiang wo xi huan ni
SO BABY jiu shi ni
Qing shuo ni ye yuan yi
Wo fei chang xi huan ni
Fei chang xi huan ni
Fei chang xi huan ni